d day b4 ramadhan!

okies! 2mr is bulan ramadhan.. selepas maghrib ni.. n then pas isyak dh start tarawikh! rindu dgn solat tarawikh.. but ive never tried 21 rakaat.. sblm ni buat 8 + 3 aje... but tis year nk try khatam dlm masa sebulan nih.. doa2nya impian akan menjadi kenyataan.. Insya Allah..

pape pun, its one day b4 puasa n my mum mentioned sumtin about it being hari mantai (i noe its sumtin like tat, coz i related it 2 bantai...hmm...) n i was practically cleaning up the cow's stomach b4 being cookd... it took me ages 2 clean it up coz it aint ez.. inclusive of cutting it n all.. n then masak lemak cili api! its damn tasty! mayb coz i hv always loved spicy food but it isnt tat spicy coz my fam members dun consume spicy stuff.. d history of me being able 2 eat spicy n hot food is due 2 d fact tat i stayd wif my aunt n grandma n uncle when i was a baby (not reli a baby, but mayb small i spose.. reli small...) n they kinda let me taste d hot stuff.. so yeah, til 2day! =)

so we r gonna hv a special dinner.. tadi breakfast we had nasi tomato.. n sum lauk... n 2nite gonna b nasi impit n perut n i dunno wat else... macam raya kan!! hihi.. i cn feel d semangat in me! i hv been semangat-ed 4 quite some time... its kinda addictive n long lasting (tp btul cakap farzan, kinda exhausting though d semangat nvr dies..)

our journey durin ramadhan will begin soon.. ramadhan hanya setahun sekali, beribadatlah dengan seikhlas jiwa agar ibadatmu diterima Allah. jgn ibadahmu sekadar utk mengikut atau menunjuk, nescaya bala menanti dirimu di sana... jgn tangguhkan ibadahmu ke tahun akn datang, krn masa seseorang itu tiada ketahuan melainkan hanya yang Maha Esa. so, bersama2 kita mengharungi cabaran Ramadhan!

its gudbye 4 real.. kyuem...

So I went 4 d cp nite on d 29th of august.. n ive had tis feeling since I came ere… tis is gonna b d last time I will b entering d college… tis time its real. A true farewell 2 d college but not those in d college I spose.. 4 me 2 come over 2 kyuem after tis is, I dun hv a solid reason 2 stay overnight again… I mean it wouldn’t b fun 2 juz hang out a day n go home by dark.. so yeah… guess its better meetin outside…

Met various peepz back ere… sum of them said hi normally at first n then when they realized its me they go like ‘EH!!’ n ill b smiling away again n I tink ive answerd d same q over n over again… hw is taylors n things like tat.. not 4gettin which is better.. kyuem or taylorz… ill make it clear ere again, ill always go 4 kyuem coz of d environment n activites n community but nw im in taylors n I gotta study hard 2 achieve my dreams… let kyuem b my inspiration 2 move 4ward. Let kyuem b d base of my dreams n taylors d place 4 me 2 jump higher. Sumtin like tat.. if u dun have a strong foundation, it is almost impossible 4 u 2 move forward….

At d end of d nite, I njoyd d cp! N yeah, wondered wat will I b doin if im stil there.. not sumtin I recommend u 2 do if ur missing tat place but well, it gave me smiles instead of tears.. I cn imagine myself doin sum crappy stuff n things like tat n panicking as well.. =) there were quite a crowd, even d seniors joind us watching.. batch 11 is kinda cool.. n yeah, sempat amik gambar ngan najib, faye n azri lagi kat depan hall… sesi camwhoring… hihihi

I went bck n started studydin again (yeah…sat sake…) till 1230 or sumtin like tat… n then I went 2 bed n woke up at 645.. gosh tatz late, rite.. but I was kinda exhausted… I hv no idea y.. not 2 say I was active or anytin tat nite mayb coz I used my feelings n brains excessively… (did i??) but I did manage 2 finish a sat test… n I tink when I get bck 2 my apartment, im gonna grab my other sat book… finish both books up! Its important!!

Im typing tis in college but I am goin 2 post tis at nite I tink.. when I get internet access again… its 1106am n I juz came bck frm d café.. been stayin there since 816 n got my bfast and study there… (again) I was glad I came back.. I found d part of me n yet im leavin it behind again but tis time im leaving it wif a smile on my face.. im glad I met u guys again… I truly am glad (xcept x dpt jumpe kak maji…) but there is a slight frustration in my tiny lil heart..n tis have been pondering in my mind since after cp.. n it will not fade away till I do sumtin… sumtin about it… but I dun hv d heart to coz it mite cause pain ( I dun mind if d pain is mine) and well… yeah, pain is not sumtin gud esp when u gotta gv ur full concentration 2 sumtin… I noe hw does it feels 2 b distracted frm doin sumtin important n hw guilty u feel after tat… so im stil tinkin whether 2 do or not 2 do…

I have verbal class frm 2 – 5… oh yeah, tnx boys 4 sittin wif me at d café juz now… lepak2 while asking bout me =) n sat n adp n d stuff bout studies.. hihi.. .lame sangat blaja my brain almost dried up… so now im waiting 4 my mum n bro 2 pick me up… I hope wat im feeling now will last 4eva inclusive of d frustration im feeling… coz it makes me feel incomplete n motivates me 2 find a way 2 complete tis feeling… so im goin home 4 gud frm kyuem… jauh d mata dekat di ati… friendships do last 4eva if u wish 4 it 2 last… if u reach your hands out n hold on tight to them… memories do last 4eva if u wish it 2 last.. if u teach urself 2 learn n 2 seek joy in them… feelings of luv do last 4eva if u wish it 2 lat… if u make it inspire u 2 move 4ward n 2 always give it a chance 2 bloom… dun face ur back against ur own true feelings, though it hurts, embrace it n b proud of it.. express it n ull b juz fine… trust me! ;P

*OH YEAH!! GUD LUCK SENIORS WIF UR TRIALS!! N SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN AL MUBARAK.. BERSAMA2 KITA MEMERIAHKAN BULAN MULIA INI DENGAN AMAL IBADAT YANG TULUS DARI JIWA YANG SATU*

d dream...

2day.. as soon as i woke up i thought 2 myself... gosh, i gotta blog bout tis... i kinda juz woke up (lepas subuh tido blik... ingat subuh ooo.. asal ntah ari ni rase penat gyle) approx 0910 and well... i got tis weird dream... not reli weird actually but it left me feeling perplexed as soon as i woke up n gave me a fresh start 2 my day..

so well... d dream seemd like a reality 2 me.. d location is in kyuem.. reli peepz! n d stuff in it d walkway, chalet, dh, acad block was exactly d same as d real one.. i hv tis habit when i dream it usually alters sumtin frm reality.. diff wall color, diff positionin but tis time its so real (one of d reason i felt confused...) n yeah.. i met sum of u peepz frm college as well.. i hv vague memories on who i met but i tink i did identify sum of u.. yg cnfrm ade is neighbour, maalini, kak maji n well.. ade lagi la a few... n its almost like a silent movie... i dunno whether u guyz spoke but i tink u did but i cant hear wat were we talkin bout.. n i was wondering around campus (not reli wondering.. ) i was walking around campus wif a purpose (in d dream i noe y am i walkin around but i myself hv no idea wat izit) n i tell myself i gotta get things done...

n then i woke up! as soon as i woke up i was staring at d wall n hugging my bolster n then i saw my sis n then i was rolling on d bed n was tinkin.. wat is tis feeling.. it felt so diff then wat i felt b4... its a mix of excitement, miss, love, n wateva else! a fraction of me felt like crying when d other part of me was contented wif wat i dreamt of and a fraction of me was confused on wat i juz went thru..

i noe d dream is no perminition or anytin like tat... but still.. it gave an impact 2 me and well... i dunno..

let d sufferings begin!

so tis morning i had my first SAT I diagnostic test... its kinda tough due 2 d time constraint.. d test itself is close 2 4 hours n it has 10 parts in it... it mite sound kinda long but actually i skipped several questions coz i din wanna waste 2 much time on 1 q... 6 parts r 25 minutes each, 2 parts 20 minutes each n d last one is 10 mins.. in d actual sat there is another experimental part but since it is not counted in d marks of d xm.. so i spose there is no trials 4 tat part..

i was at d princeton review in kl frm 9am til 5pm.. d xm was frm 9-1, break 1 hour n frm 2-5 i had my english class... it sounded long but coz d essay 4mat is kinda diff n we talkd a lot in class (since benjamin insisted on not having d class quiet) so we dun reli feel time passing by... n yeah, this is d hw list 4 d first class :

1) grading the essay (page 214 - 223)
2) grading of statements in essay (page 228 - 249)
3) write a summary of a novel
4) finish up test 1 and test 2
5) write 4 essays (d topics r given....)
6) memories all words listed in d manual (lets c.. approx 360 words!!)

n all of tis shud b done by fri morning as i hv classes on sat!!! cool aite? i tink im suffering more now compared 2 havin 2 do a levels! gudness! do pray 4 me tat i dun lose my mind by d end of d day... when tis semester is over i shud b free again.. so now! chop2 letz study!!

Me in Taylors

I was sitting alone in d library and suddenly I felt so sad and lonely.. A feeling of emptiness which I have nvr reli felt b4.. its as if a part of me is missing somewhere... I noe where is dat part of me n i hv no intentions on taking it back.. d prob is now.. i wanna learn hw 2 look at d imperfect life of mine wif a smile on my face instead of tears rolling down my cheeks... i believe tat d imperfectness is wat makes u unique... n hence make us wanna get 2 noe others n build relationships in order 2 perfect our picture of life..

so, i have been pondering on these few questions these past few days.. Is taking d best option d right choice 4 me? I mean I cant go around pretending im fine wif all of these when there r times i wish hard (n i mean reli hard) i could turn bck time n undo wat ive done... how attached am i 2 kyuem and how much have it hurt me 2 part frm college? how hurt am i at d mo n y am i tat hurt? izit reli coz of d college or izit d relationship or izit of sumtin which i juz dun c? im tryin my level best 2 evaluate myself in order 2 b totally n fully me again.. nw even when i smile n laugh im very conscious of wat im doin.. im not able 2 do them openly like hw i did it b4.. each n evry single minute seems 2 b passing by me n ive been watchin myself 'acting'...

no intentions 2 let any of u go nor will i eva 4get our memories n time 2gether but i gotta find d strength in those memories 2 motivate me 2 move 4ward.. i noe there r times when i remember kyuem ill become a major study freak (i hv my pride being a kyuem student n definitely a topazian n wanna show them wat ive learnt frm there) but at times it made me stop movin 4ward... but im stil tryin 2 work things out n gotta b fast as d first major exam is tis october.. on d 4th of raya summore! (soon!!!! n my 2nd major xm is in november!! no raya 4 me at all!)

d depression is still there but wat i ask frm evry1 is 2 lend me ur stregth n well.. plz b a part of me as much as ur a part of me 2.. (wat am i bragging now.. suddenly very sentimental..) luv u guys soo much tat it hurts 2 b missing u guys all d time but wout it i tink i would break a part... now i spose ill make u guys, him.. hehehe ;p n my fam as my inspiration 2 move 4ward i spose... n work hard 2wards ivy league!

wish me all d best n i pray 4 our success! Luv u guyz alwayz... n fwenz 4eva n keep in touch n miss me n miss ya 2... n tell me when there is college trip 2 midvalley or newhere then i can come n meet u guys there!

slight depression...

so i went 2 taylors 2day n got a special briefing frm d students services manager for d department of ADP... so yeah, things r goin quite ok since i havent reli made any friends yet xcept 4 d old ones.. hehehe n i did meet another 2 mara scholars but sumhow i cant remember their names (its sooo typical me 2 not remember peepz name easily)

so exam schedule.. since i wanna apply 4 ivy league uni i gotta take my SAT papers... n acc 2 their schedule i gotta take my SAT II in sept n SAT I in dec.. but im kinda intending 2 postpone my SAT II in nov while my SAT I forward in oct... i hope its possible n in a way in can reduce my stress as in i hv more time 2 prepare my SAT n i dun need 2 rush wif d princeton review peepz in order 2 get my SAT mock exams goin as well as d workshops... i hv approx 5 days workshop n 4 mock exams... which gonna commence soon.. like reli soon... n at tat time, my schedule will b reli 'cool'..

wat else ya... hmm.. i gotta get my CV ready by 2mr coz in thurs i hv tis workshop on CV n we mite need 2 hand in our CV so tat our lecturers can hv a look at them.. un42nately, im not reli ready 2 do it since i hv nvr spied on US uni n yeah.. it gave me a headache tis afternoon when i checkd on them.. i guess ill start things frm scratch 2mr... sounds cool 2 me since i wanna do more SAT exercises 2nite but mayb after 10 or so ill start doin CV research esp on which is d best place 2 go, etc

so yeah... lookin 4ward 2 CP nite... ive contacted pn rosni n she said she will ask pn rog if i can come over tat nite.. i hope i cn.. wanna watch batch 11 perform.. n definitely meet up wif my beloved chaletmates, seniors n batchmates... miss u guys loadz!!!

n here i go again...

so 2day i went 2 taylors 4 d registration thingy... n i cant stop myself frm comparing kyuem with taylors... n well i spose u noe who i will side wif.. ;p quite obvi isnt it... (unless if tis is d first time u read my blogs, then well....)

nw im gonna move out of home (again) n well start my adp prog in taylors... i tink tatz d main reason i din get 2 continue my studies in kyuem, coz of d adp prob.. goin 2 us thingy.. d accommodation 2 home is practically less than 5 mins drive.. its beside mydin n giant (no prob findin 4 food!! =p) n i juz remembered i hv a fwen who is currently in taylors n under jpa as well. juz contacted him n he said things r fine at d apartment.. so 2mr ill get a new roommate n a new place 2 call... i dun tink ill eva regard it as home as im gonna go bck home almost evry week... since its damn close... n well... i dunno y... izit possible i hv closed my heart? as in i accept my placement in taylors but i dun embrace it?

2mr i hv sum briefings n i gotta prepare myself 4 my SAT which will commence tis october... so yeah, mock n things like tat i spose.. n there is a possibility im gonna seat for an eng test (again) 2 get 2 noe my current eng standard... so i spose tatz all 4 2nite.. i kinda 4gotten wat else i wanna talk about... (gettin old.. hehehe) n i gotta study 4 sat!! i got a book n doin sum of d q on9 as well... so.. til then!! cheerz!!!

p/s - ive written 2 poems (one in malay n d other in eng) n im kinda proud of it coz
its been sumtime since ive written seriously... hihihi

d end or d beginning?

first of all.. tnx maalini 4 d special blog n msg 4 me! luv u loadz... taylors pun taylors la.. i tink i kene curse coz pn rog always mention taylors... hahaha

so yeah.. nw im heading 2 taylors.. tnx 2 jpa... i mite b studyin in taylors but deep down kyuem will always hv a place in me... n ill alwayz treasure topaz 4 d rest of my life though ive been there 4 less than 1 month...

time defines nutin..4 time is yet another medium of measurement which lacks accuracy.. so yeah, i get used 2 evry1 in kyuem n attachd 2 them faster than i tink i could! shocking but yet... yeah... n 2day... i was able 2 control myself though tears did roll down my cheeks 4 a few seconds n then i was fine again... so i spose 2day at approx 5 sumtin it was d end of me bein an official student of kyuem.. n by 9 am 2mr its d beginning of me studyin in taylors n well.. ill alwayz remember 7 + 8 aug as those were d dates which brought most pain 2 me 4 d time being...

but i spose distance wont d any harm as long as v hv each other supportin frm far.. ill miss evry1 in kyuem n hope 2 adapt 2 taylors asap n well do well in my exams!

d confusion...

d confusion is beginning... i tink i got a major brain block tis evening.. i practically was cryin 4 hours 2day (d first time in my life!!!) now.. let d story begin..

approx 5pm i got a phone call frm jpa n they told me i got their scholarship n im sposed 2 start in taylors tis 12th of aug... i tink tat lady expected me 2 cry wif joy instead i gave her a lame 'oh...' n sounded kinda dissappointed.. n yeah, i was! heck i thought.. y now when im gettin attachd 2 d college.. when im so used 2 bein in kyuem (though its barely even 1 month.. no doubts..) d college is now part of me as much as i am a part of d college itself..

i noe im sposed 2 b reli majorly gratefulo 4 gettin d offer but in a way i wasnt.. i noe its almost like a once in a lifetime thingy but yet.. i wasnt tat happy when i got d news.. i practically was reli dissappointed instead.. i tink its coz they mentioned tat i need 2 start my studies in taylors.. n i dun feel like goin there.. although i hv loadz of cfil fwenz there.. but its 2 diff frm kyuem.. 2 diff! no more topaz!!! x best!!! :(

2mr im goin 2 jpa... doa2 i cn cont in kyuem.. if not.. im gonna miss evrytin n end up cursin my life 4 d first few months in taylors... i reli wil do tat i tink.. im prayin reli hard.. reli2 hard... 2 stay in kyuem.. hahaha.. 2mr is d day n i hope things wil turn out d way i want it 2 b!!!!!!!!! Insya ALLAH!

d topaz welcoming party... =p

well... well... well... at last d welcoming party is over... it is one of d traditions in kyuem 4 juniors.. all of us r grouped in a pet family acc 2 our houses... so yeah.. at d mo.. i have 2 pet sibs (skyn n han) n a pet sis (nabihah) n a pet bro (acap).. sumtin like tat.. its a tiny family but well.. its d same no of family members like my own fam.. its kinda cute u c...

so b4 tis welcoming party, we got letters frm both our pet sis n pet bro.. n we r expected 2 find out who our pet sibs r n which seniors r assigned 2 us.. since d age gap is small.. sum not even one year... coz sum r of my age... i guess... d way we think r almost d same n yeah... we will hv each other 2 guide us 2 d best path we can take in life.. d best doesnt mean it needs 2 b d most perfect.. it can b d worse path u can go thru but at d end of d day u learn a lot.. its better in tat manner rather than 2 lead a life full of happiness wout tasting d bitterness in life n at in d end not understanding d true meaning of life.. nor wil u eva b grateful 4 wat u have...

wat happened 2nite is all of us had dinner 2gether! d guys practically lined up 4 d food but sum of us let them take first n waited 4 d line 2 get shorter... save energy! :) n then solat isyak... then d party begins! well.. we went 2 LT 1 n Mr J gave a welcoming speech 4 all us juniors... welcomin all d new topazians, sumtin like tat :) n then d seniors did d chicken dance which was sooo cute! n they ushered all of us 2 join them.. even cuter...

next was d journey 2 find our new family... we walkd a lot... n on d way 2 our secret destination d seniors played around wif us... tickling, ice.. splashes of water.. n due 2 d fact tat we dun get 2 find our pet bro/sis we get soaked.. it doesnt reli matter what was d content but it was definitely fun n cool! it mite sound scary at first n mite sound weird 2 those out there who dun xperience it themselves.. but it was cool... reli cool n interesting... tnx 2 d topaz seniors 4 evrytin.. frm kak maji 2 afi 2 d others... tnx loadz 4 makin it happen... luv u guys, n gurls definitely!

as soon as i get bck... trus mandi n rendam baju.. i tink ill wash them 2mr nite.. let it get soaked overnite i spose... hehehe.. 4 cleaning purposes.. nutin much... n then now im actually sposed 2 prepare 4 my econs presentation but cant resist 2 talk bout tis though i din talk bout it in details.. its hard 2 put it in words.. all i noe is tat i had lotz n lots n LOTZ of fun 2nite.. n once again... TNX 2 ALL TOPAZIANS 4 EVRYTIN!

MCB is over!

So yeah, d minggu citra budaya in kyuem juz ended 2nite… d whole week there r special activities n things like tat… I was practically involved with pantun n honestly I think I freaked up n was d worst among d rest! Seriously! No joke.. n its my first time doin pantun as well.. its different than joinin pidato or perbahasan 4 d first time.. mayb coz it needs me 2 utilise and reli ransack my brain 4 cool n beautiful vocabs for d pantun.. unlike d other 2..

But 2 our pleasure (our = topazians!) d pantun team did win! We r d champion! Cool isn’t it? But yeah.. I was so shocked n im in total debt 2 both teammates of mine mahfuzah @ muffin n amir.. another thing bout me is I keep on calling amir ariff.. there is definitely sumtin wrong wif my tiny minute brain… getting more damaged over time I guess..

2nite we had d closing ceremony.. sapphire won d whole thing n me as well as a couple of my topazian mates (mahfuzah n fathiyah) were kinda teased by our sapphirian friends.. doesn’t matter… wat matters most is I noe hw hard d whole of TOPAZ workd throughout this whole week n definitely winning is a plus point in havin tis week but wat matters most is tat we r bonding reli well among us topazians… ;) neways, our boria did get 2nd place, as well as galah panjang n umm.. baling selipar if im not mistaken.. not tat bad either! :)

Okies.. there is a test 2mr.. maths! N I haven’t studied 4 it yet.. gotta start studying!