of winter 2009

tis is actually a continuity of d holz thing... cz as i read thru it again, i realized tat there r a few things which i 4got 2 add on... hehehe

my tagline is *pijak kan* *sepak kang* n well.. almsot evrybody dh kene including d guys.. hehehe tp ade syarat nk sepak.. if sepak guys, kene pakai kasut if gurls bukak kasut... lembut skit.. XD *ye x cik fatin?* irfan slalu je kene sepak... hahaha *cian dia, sabar je la ye en irfan...* but mane ade gurl lain sepak guys depan2 cam 2 kan... hehehe biar la sy jd org pertama n terakhir *fuuyoooo*

next we go into d class times... im noisy in d wrong classes... bio n maths... phil confirm2 ah... once, fizree was doin a presentation on does god exist frm islamic perspective... n sum1 *tay kot* off d lights... all! n then secara naturalnye i said "OOOOOOOOOOOO like watching movie!" *bodo gyle* n then mrs singh was shocked tat she pat me on d bck.. hahaha *merepek btl myself in phil, slalu ketawa x bertempat* n then we go 2 d LAN class. malaysian as usual la.. wat do u expect... bt islamic is always very interesting 2 watch evry1...

on d last class.. all of us gv each other our last advice *hmm..* n it was kinda touching.. n then when zarina cried.. lg la terharu... ill definitely miss all of u.. i wouldnt trade even a single 1 of u wif ne1 else.. cz if tat happens, our class wouldnt b d same nemore.. rite? rahmah n qil hobi dorang tya soalan... i rmmbr one of rahmah's ade kene mengena dgn dinosaur.. hahaha *syg la x ingat in details* n then satu lg psl d communism.. hahaha.. rahmah menyokong communism n dia terkene ngan ustaz.. HAHAHA *nasib ade mahfuz yg bck her statment up psl communism is not d best method bt it is better than d others except for Islamic government* kwn dia yg dok blakang dia ckit kejam.. ketawa x hbs2... bkn nk tlg pun XD n qil ngan rahmah slalu je kena.. "let me finish first" *kan korang??* hahaha suke tgk u guysnye reaction bile dia ckp cam 2... obvi, ill b laughing at u guys.. *kejam* d guys on my right row slalu je tertido.. *ter ke????* mcm2 style bley tgk... *qil n rahmah ade d pics kan???* bile time tgk vid psl islam on terrorism lg la.... siap ade yg kene kejut... :) n then ade je soalan2 pelik yg akn ditanya *though x bley dinafikan mahfuz's questions r interesting 2 ponder upon* bt ade la certain q spt:

"ustaz, if dh ade 4 isteri.. sume menopaus, bley x kahwin sorang lg?"
"tangkap basah ngan khalwat 2 lain kan?... dah 2, ape yg basah?" (-.-")
"kalau saya kasi kawan sy rokok sy, 2 kira jihad x? sbb sy syg dgn rokok 2" -sumtin like tat-

these r d q yg slalu aje i rmmbr jz 2 make me laugh.. cm lawak gyle... *sape ek tya soalan2 nih??* XD n thn bile tido dlm kelas 2.. fuyoo.. rahmah tido tegak... *ingat lg Qil citer rahmah tido sbl main ps3, balut hadiah* ganas ah rahmah tido! kot kat umah plak... rahmah if dh tertido awal.. mmg suke pesan kejutkan dia.. *cik com ah mangsa* n then bile cik sya kejut... slalu mintak tangguh... *kan rahmah?* cam masa cedera mintak masa xtra 10 min.. ade skali 2 cik com ngan kak li renjis air kan??? XD *tat time sy baik x kcu rahmah.. ko x i join jugakz!* but bkn rahmah je ssh nk kejut.. cik tiup pun same jee... *tat is d oni time pgl dia hasanah* XD cz kot pgl cik tiup x terjaga.. hehehe kot tido sblm mandi 2.. farah g la maghrib dl... dh bgn dh ni.. pas2 cover kepala ngan towel *ye sgt ah 2 dh bgn* bile study plak... "Cik tiup, jgn study baring.. letak bantal jauh2.. nnt tertido" x caye lak ape yg sy ckp.. wat gak.. x lame pas 2.. sah2 tido! XD mmg ahhhh... nk kejut lg satu hal... hahaha last2 muke ni gak ah kene tlg dia kemas buku ngan laptop dia b4 i go 2 bed... n suro dia tido atas katil *hahaha ari 2 ajak cik tiup study kat lantai ~br best study dok ats lantai... br feel ckit!*

n then ari 2 bile sy terbangun lewat. sume ingatkan jam masing2 slah! hahaha nasib cik sya kejut..*630 kot wak2 2* trus bgn *sempat 2 naik bus 650!* jpa kat kolej... cik com: "tadi bangun tgk farah tido lg.. tgk jam dh kul 6.. ingatkan jam salah.. msh kul 4 lebih" cik rai pun kot ingatkan jam salah.. hahaha gyle ah! agaknye 630 dh cerah 2 yg yakin jam dorang betul kot.. yg muke ni terlajak tido XD ari 2 mandi mmg super xpress ah.. siap pun x yah ckp ah... tp ckp psl mandi kn... i noe ade 2 org dlm umah 2 yg mandi agak lama.. sorang cik tiup*45 min! ape ntah dia wat* n satu lg rahmah *y? cz ingat lg sue ade skali 2 ketuk bilik mandi ntah brape kali ntah suro rahmah cepat skit XD* kan kan rahmah???

kot tgk tv plak... x many stories la.. bt tgk kak li tgk keliwon best! XD dh la wat announcement keliwon dh nk start.. ajak sume tgk ngan dia... bile sume hilang nk amik mende.. "weyh, jgn ah tinggalkan aku sorang2" hahaha dan kami pun muncullah kembali.. n then.. bile ade skali 2 satu part yg ade darah cz hantu 2 cam gigit org 2... kak li org pertama yg tutup mata cm nk guling2 pun ade XD *mane cik nu ek tat time.. tgk cik nu pun best!* cik nu lg sorang la best tgk bile ade citer hantu.. hahaha comel gyle... n then ill b laughing my heads off *jahat*

kak li juga adlh pelawat tetap A0702... dia suke guna pingan mangkuk org n then ade ke x nk basuh... pas 2 lepas kene bebel kak li pun insaf dn cuci pinggan mangkuk yg digunakan.. HAHAHAHA *sape la yg bebel kak li 2... isy2.. kejam* n then barang2 hiasan kat umah mmg rahmah adlh plg rajin utk bw mende *despite sy yg tgl plg dekat* hehehe byk gyle brg cik rahmah d c2.. tgk2 brg 2 terbayang wajah rahmah * chheeewwwaaaahhh! bangga x rahmah??*

hmmm ade lg pttnye bt x teringat... nk makan dulu! ill hv tis whole holz 2 tink bout wat we did during dis sem.. :)

wwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooahhhhhhhhh holz!

hahaha at last its holz season 4 taylors adp-ians.. we hv struggled this whole sem wif new subjects, new classmates, but d same old super spirited mates.. :) *cool, eh* so lemme summarize a few things which happened tis sem...

met a lot of new peepz n practically realized a lot of things which i din realize last sem.. same people but our relationship is different... we grew closer n more attached *kan cik fiz!!* i got 2 noe fizree! my phil classmate.. hehehe n i got 2 kembangkan nick name hasanah @ cik tiup *bersyukur dia x de fb.. ko x abis ahhh* n disebabkan cik tiup x puas ati i dun hv a nick she gave me 1 *cik fafa* trime je la... ape lg ye we did tis sem.. i realized n got 2 noe more peez tis sem... n my hands r always cold b4 islamic studies... huhuhu asl ntah... n then pinjam tangan nadia!! cz her hands r warm.. n i took her warmness away.. n then share lagu korea ngan cik tiup, cik fiz n mai! hehehe n then jap songs pun skali.. n dgr cik tiup bebel pasal suju.. huhuhu *peminat setia* n then lepak2 ngan kee hee.. n then kcu kee hee ngan cik tiup.. n then bersatu ngan kee hee. cik fiz. utk kcu cik tiup.. n then sy kene buli ngan cik fiz, kee hee ngan cik tiup *kejam ah* n then blik umah kene kcu ngan ain plak.. hahaha n then ade la satu ayat dr cik nu yg sy takkan lupe.. tgh jalan2 dlm bilik ngan kain telekung *habit.. pas maghrib x tanggal telekung.. tgu isyak trus* tibe2 dia berkate... "bagus ah 2.. sorang kain pelikat sorang kain telekung" nasib x tercekik dgr ayat cik nu... sabar je ahhh.. XD nk wat camne.. dh habit..

cik sya tis sem rajin tido d luar bilik.. *masalah rumah tangga XD* hahahaha apartmentku snts ade pelawat *cik rai, kak li, cik com* n kak li slalu kene bebel sbb mkn tom yam kerap sgt *weyh, jgn kot kite kuar pas ni mkn ari2.. if dpt report.. abis kak li kita pijak2* n then ade man ee yg suke menyakat org *bt slalu disakat juge* n then salah satu tugas sy adlah memicit cik com bile die ngantok tgh2 kelas econs! hahaha cik fiz jd vendor roti sementara XD n then tibe2 winter 09 comes 2 an end... hw time flies... though there r sum things which i havent achieved.. cz there r certain things which still make me think hw i could hv change it n certain things which i hope others would change 4 me.. hehehe *merepek* bt then... its over n i hope we will meet again soon! tnx sooo much all.. i will miss u guys soo much this 3 weeks :)

next... i cant help thinkin bout goin bck n lawat kyuem.. hehehe nk wat camne... tatz d place where i met u guys *skyn, bihah, umu, zatie, kak maji, muffin, zetot, etc* :) *if tulis d whole list, penuh mende nih* bile2 korang free do tell me... kite jpa kat mid la... :D wanna hear all d updates n d juicy gossips kat sane XD

2day is d 1st monday.. n skrang tgh start sesi housewife in traning *cheeewahhh* not reli though.. cz nk keep my allowance frm my parents n x feel guilty takin it.. so i assigned myself wif housechores.. so its no more allowance but my monthly salary XD things i need 2 do includes cooking, mop (alternate day), sapu, vacuum, ampai kain, cuci gune machine *bt kene practice gune dl.. tkt rosak kang. cz its a new washing machine* teach my sis and a couple of other kids.im responsible 4 almost all of these *though x semestinye kene siap all in 1 day* during weekdays.. weekends cuti! *but kene tlg gak ah* ~hahaha~ at least im training myself 2 not oni study bt 2 keep things in an organized manner which is definitely important in d future esp when i live on my own.. huhuhu x de ah sepah nnt my hse :)

so today i woke up at 8 *kira awal ah 2* n started my day wif ampai kain n mkn bfast yg ngimmi wat :) *nk blaja wat waffle la plak... lupe d recipe* n then masak... heee ari ni d main is not cookd by me cz ade lauk yg my mum's fwen kasi.. bt i cookd d rice *hehehe im a lousy tukang tanak nasi.. bt ari ni ok kot*, sambal telur hancur, n soo hoon n fu chuk msk kicap *tatau ape name dia actly*.. hehehe ngimmi kuar tis morn so i had d whole kitchen 2 myself... 2 yg bley nyanyi2 smbl masak.. HAHAHA *penambah perisa makanan* xcited sgt start msk blik.. it hs been quite sumtimes i hv cookd a meal on my own 4 d fam.. hehehe saje je msk smbl ari ni cz abah puasa.. hehehe slalunye kene mintak msk 2 br wat cz its not so healthy.. cz eggs r high in cholesterol kan.. hehehe bt though my dad suke ask me 2 put in santan *abah: it taste better* but i change it 2 milk.. hehehe *same je rase 2 me..* lookin 4ward 2 cookin lg 2mr.. hehehe nk msk assam kot esk.... bt msh apprentice lg.. cz dl mesti ade rase sumtin wrong.. haha ade skali 2 jd sambal ikan *sedih je x jd* n then my cookin class will resume wif my mum.. hehehe nnt senang! :) x de ah mkn ikan goreng je ari2 bile dok sorang.. *though i made a deal wif my mum ill b living wif her dgn syarat pas kahwin pindah ah ...but nk lawat ngimmi almost evry week gakz* hehehe

nw is d break... dh siap kemas bhgn bwh.. mop, sapu n all bt d upperpart of d hse is in a major mess.. huhuhu x vacuum, x kemas, x ape lg.. hehehe tp dh sakit pinggang la plak.. huhuhu pas 2 sakit gigi x hbs lg *man... cn d wisdom tooth b out fully fast!!* hehehe terbayang cik tiup tgh lepak2 kat bilik dia smbl rindu kat sy n smbl dgr lagu suju dia :) hehehe

jz wanna wish evry1 happy holz.. c u guys soon... like reli soon... if eva u need me, im rite by ur side.. picit je hp 2... or buzz me cz skrng ni confirm on9 almost all d time.. :D wishin evry1 a reli2 reli2 happy holz... :)

*30th april kuar result!! ~nervous~
**Tohoshinki's (DBSK) love in d ice n doshite (d jap vers) r such nice songs... suke! ~promo~

as i was watchin d vid of us in nz..

tgh2 tgk vid we all kat nz dl... cam a lot of things which went through my mind... it was 5 years bck n d best thing i rmmbrd was doin d snowman.. i noe mine n my bro look like a normal one (though its not as pretty) but my dad n my sis.. hmm.. cam scarecrow XD cz it look soo stiff.... in d vid mmg ade pun gambar 2.. bt well.. i lost d pic which i took wif my bro.. as in d pic in d hp.. d reasons r:

1. dh 2kar hp... a few hp has passed b4 d current one (n im tinkin of changin again cz d hp dh wat hal)
2. d comp dh reformat.. d pic is spose 2 b there
3. i din hv a lappy.. so its oni in d desktop


i wish i still do hv it... my sis was so short (way shorter than i am which makes me proud. unlike 2day..) n well.... i hope i cn go there again.. n d doplhins r sooo cute! bt we din reli njoy snow there despite goin in winter (we oni got it in uk 2 years bck) my sis laughter was soo weird (way weirder than mine) n well... guess i did hv a gud time there... :)

*nw bck 2 study!*

I

apabila satu menjadi dua
apabila dua menjadi satu
dan yang selebihnya sekadar melihat
sebuah transformasi
dari yang dulu kepada yang baru
dan yang baru kepada yang lama
dan insan sekadar bertaakul
menanti dan terus bertaakul
mencari sebuah jawapan
terusan soalan yg jernih
apabila satu menjadi dua
dan dua menjadi satu.

apabila lif casa wat hal...

so spt biasa.. sy akn kembali ke umah pd stp ari jumaat (sbb umah n casa amat la hampir.. XD) n mgkn telah ditakdirkan utk sy pulang pd mlm ari hr ni... krn sy telah mendapat satu experience yg baru,, pengalaman yg tidak dpt dilupakan (nih yg bley wat karangan nih kot msh kat sek ren! bley dpt A+ nih XD)

jadi kisahnye bermula sebegini rupa...

sy menaiki lif lbh kurang jam 830 sbb buku korean language ku tertinggal di casa sedangkan ade kelas pd jam 230 esk hari.. maka, sy pun pulang la mlm ini utk memastikan tidak ketinggalan dlm kelas esk hari... so naik la lif bersama 7 org lg penduduk casa.... tibe2 dekat atr p1 n p2 dia ter'jatuh' skit.. (suatu fenomena yg normal) jd kami abaikan saje.. bile lif terbuka d p1 sbb mmg dh jd mende yg biase.. dia akn sangkut, jatuh n ok blik..

meskipun begitu, nasib tidak menyebelahi kami mlm ini.. tibe2 dh sangkut dia nk naik blik.. n thn bising cm nk rosak.. n true enuf.. dia jatuh ckit blik... n then d door trus x nk open.. maka mula la slh sorang lelaki dlm lif mula menyumpah.. sy abaikan aje.. n trus berbual ngan sorang nurse pantai yg tinggal d tingkat 15... ade kot 5 malaysian d other 3 foreigners... so one of d foreigners la yg ckp ngan guard btau kitorang stuck.. huhu n thn mula la penantian kami...

disebabkan ayahanda ku menanti di bwh.. maka sy terpaksa pinjam hp org utk inform (cz bley ari ni dgn takdirnye sy sehelai sepinggang aje blik.. x bw hp.. ) n thn dlm lif 2 mcm2 la yg terjadi.. ade yg duduk melunjur, mengangkang, berdiri, ketawa (saya la 2), senyum (kwn baru saya la 2), sedih (sorang gurl cz bus dia kul 10), menyumpah, hpr tido... huhu

mula2 dia kate 2 min... berubah ke 5.. n seterusnye... n then tetibe lampu terpadam.. agak terkejut n berderau darah.. tp msh lagi kononnye cool.. ade kot seminit 2... huhuhu kemudian tibe2 guard kate cuba bukak pintu (mane bley.. nk kopak pun x larat -lelaki ah-) n thn dia kate nk call jkr.. pelik gak.. pe kene mengena jkr ngan mende nih.. n then tetibe nk pgl technician.. n menunggu 2 lame gak laa..huhuhu

bile dh bukak.. maka sy ingatkan its at p1.. tgk2 dia atr p1 n p2.. so kene terjun.. dh ah pki kasut heels cz kasut flat kat casa..huhu tp bantai je terjun.. dh terjun 2... tgk satu lg lif plak spt mslh.. kemudian sy ngan kawan baru amik keputusan naik tangga (gyle ah jauh..dr p1 ke tingkat 7) n thn naik trus ngadu ngan cik sya n cik nu (cik tiup x prasan kite blik.. isy3) n thn minum air n bertolak ke bwh...

bile bertolak ke bwh.. jpa plak danial.. upe2nye ibundaku menelefon n mintak tlg tgk2kan.. pk2 bknnye bley wat pape kot.. msh kene tgu technician gakz... (kot x kuar lg la) pape pun, tnx :) so akhirnya kini, sy tlah pulang.. meski ibunda meng offer utk dihtr n jemput ke kolej stp ari (yakni dok umah) sy rase ade hikmah kot dok casa... hmm, menguatkan semangat kot bile mende2 cm ni jd.. mmg la nervous bt then.. it thought me 2 remain calm at all c2ation.. hehehe spt kate cik fiz.. bajet cool...

konklusi yg dpt dibina berdasarkan ape yg tlg terjadi:
1) jgn naik lif sorang2... bahaya.. naik ramai2... tp jgn la spi cm sempit spt sardin dlm tin.. nazak sgt 2...
2) snts remain cool dlm c2asi yg mengejutkan..jgn cpt panic.. sbb bile panic, jantung denyut lebih laju, lack of O2 n then bley pengsan.. hmm bahaya..

jd.. berhati2 d jalan raya -ehh??!!!-

d 27/3 report

0530 - bangun pagi siap2 ke kolej
0645- bas letak kitorang kat dpn mcd.. menyumpah2
0700- spi kat kolej.. tido kat 12.12 XD
0815-pegi bfast.. jpa kak li, cik tiup, kee hee, keat yee, aitidal, cik sya
0900-calculus 162
1000-lepak ngan cik fiz kat level 12
1100- islamic studies
1200-lepak ngan cik fiz
1245-malaysian studies meeting
1330-lunch ngan mega, cik fiz, fatin
1400-zohor
1430-meeting wif pd n councilor
1530-blik umah ngan cik tiup bersama ngimmi n masak lepas dpt hadiah frm sis.. terharu sgｔ!
1845- siap msk.. n cepat2 asar -truk gyle-
1915-g beli kek kat bakers cottage
1945-bw makanan ke atas n thn maghrib
2030-turun pas isyak.. dpt kad dr sume.. trime kasih all!
2300-naik atas.. siap kemas sume... teman cik tiup tgk citer antu
0100-tido...

（つかえる　でも　ほんと　に　うれしい　です　よ！　みんな。。あｒがとう　ございます！）

n ari ni skali lagi

skali lagi bertemu seorang sahabat yg lame menghilang!!

pdn ah sms x berjawab.. dh 2kar no upenye..

tp takdir menentukan kami bertemu kembali.. di casa subang...

pusat menjalinkan n merapatkan ukhuwah (apakah???)

heeeee SUS rindu ah!! lame x jumpe.. x pe, nnt bile kite free ckit kite lepak2 kat management office, ek!! =D

20 things i wanna do..

this is d list of things which i wanna do... lets start.. I WANNA:

1. write short stories and poems again but i never have d time to do so..
2. go bck 2 ky but i dun tink ill b able 2 do so...
3. grad as soon as possible n b bck wif both my masters and degree in hand
4. maintain my identity as who i am now but im worried i mite get lost half way there...
5. noe who i truly am but i get confused at times
6. let peepz now tat i truly care though i barely show it
7. learn 2 refrain myself frm losing my temper and keepin things cool
8. smile as much as i can n keep on smilin though im goin through pain
9. keep my head cool when d time comes 4 me to fly
10. wish those takin TOEFL in penang this sun all d best
11. make d gathering wif man ee a success =)
12. skip summer class n master my korean.. huhu n jap as well
13. finish my 162 assignment though it is takin me ages 2 get it done
14. finish my phil assign n prepare all d slides
15. find info on klinefelter symptom for my bio lab
16. get over d fear which i felt frm bio class on syndromes in children due to problems in meiosis n crossin over.. hence, d fear 2 conceive? XD (jk,jk) -man, i felt sorry 4 them.. so young..n goin through a lot... =(-
17. spend more time reflecting on wat ive did rather than fall asleep quarter way thru revising
18. study 4 my tests n finals n do my best 4 d dramas for bio n socs 111
19. 2 find d true meaning of happiness n peacefulness
20. 2 find d person (besides my fam n close fwenz la) who could wipe away all d sadness in me jz wif a glimpse of tat person's smile n words.. -long term goal XD-

and once again...

and once again..

TOPAZ soar up into d sky!!! =D

amat berbangga 2 b a topazian not oni 4 d achievements bt 4 d spirit in all of u.. heee so proud of u guys though i oni hv d surface insight on hw u guys r doin...

bt no matter wat! keep up d gud work!

GOOO TOPAZZ!!

-c budak yg jauh d mata tp msh kepo nk tau pe jd kat sane-

Korean Class- its d 1st time!!

kurassu wa hajimemasu!!!

din noe i could end up being d blurest kid on earth in a language class (summore since im d eldest... d others r my sis n her fwen..) felt kinda idiotic bt well.. tis language is perfectly new 2 me.. due 2 d fact ive been focusing on jap so yeah.. im totally left behind in class jz nw.. bt doesnt matter.. bit by bit i hope 2 b able 2 catch up

nw d big prob... my schedule is packd enuf wout another lang 2 study n nw i hv n xtra sub.. i wonder hw am i gonna revise tat sub.. gotta learn 2 find time.. squeeze around 30 mins perday 2 revise.. esp d pronunciation part.. OMG!! i thought im about 2 choke... guess coz its my first time..

d teacher is nice enuf.. i 4got wats teacher in korean alredi.. sansonni or sonsanmi or sumtin like tat -im such a 4getful person, tatz y my jap studies is SOOO slow-

hw more 2 go... haihzzz... ne1 wanna help me 2 finish them up????

n i had nutin better 2 do..

today i have loadz of assignments.. its frm d whole week (not reli d whole actly) n nw i havent touched them yet.. dun feel like doin though its like stacks of assignments n hw... i havent been in a mood 4 d last few days... no matter hw much i try i realized ive been spacing out quite a lot lately.. even in classes hmm well... malaysian i guess.. coz i kinda njoy bein in islamic... hehehe =D

each work im doin i cant gv my full conc.. ask nurul hw ws i doin my hw tis morn.. talkin rather than doin... my mind is jz not straight yet.. n my heart has been turnin upside down these past few days.. its a kinda feelin which hurts bt at d same time i treasure it.. hmm.. i wonder hw am i spose 2 put it in words.. its diff i guess... a feeling which rarely comes bt comin bck these few days.. haihzz.. n mayb tatz y ive been noisier than usually (ive always been noisy.. bt i tink tis week slight xtra than usual..)

i hv realized my sleepin trend.. among d whole week there definitely gonna b 1 day where ill wake up at 6 sumtin tis week its thurs, last week its wed.. its always between wed n thurs... huhu n nw i askd sue 2 wake me up.. hehehe bad enuf eh, not able 2 wake up as early as i hope.. n if i were 2 force myself 2 stay up then d next day ill oversleep.. huhu

oh yeah.. im a lil bit worried 4 my results dis sem.. i gotta get 3.5 n above or say gudbye 2 flyin tis year.. do pray 4 me! whoeva goin 2 us... do tell me.. who noes i mite cook up lunch 4 ya! =)

I LUV MY FAM, MATES N EDUCATORS.... if i were 2 luv sumtin, i could rmmbr evry single detail of it n if i were 2 hate sumtin i would hate it 4eva.. i sound like an evil freak.. XP im tired.. i wanna rest... i jz wanna b able 2 close my eyes n empty my mind n find d peace n calmness within me... would sum1 guide me?

10 Nafas

Nafas pertama,
'Ain terbuka-pandangan pertama;
Nafas kedua,
Gegelung kasih mencengkam jiwa;
Nafas ketiga,
Jasad menggerak menggapai lelangit;
Nafas keempat,
Mencari cita sesirnar bintang;
Nafas kelima,
Mencari cinta tak kunjung tiba;
Nafas keenam,
Mengenal Illahi yang satu;
Nafas ketujuh,
Dambaan jiwa-ketenangan;
Nafas kelapan,
Cinta dan cita dalam genggaman;
Nafas kesembilan,
Mutlak diriku untukMu;
Nafas kesepuluh,
Yang terbuka sudah terkatup,
Yang bermula telah berakhir.

d gud things whch happened

several gud things hv happened i spose.. lemme list them down.. im sooo glad tat i cant help smiling n close 2 tears.. tears of joy btw...

1. topaz won bangsawan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 awards babe! =D

2. ive finished my interview wif penn.. so glad its over

3. ive got an offer from wash

4. i managed 2 do my maths 162 hw though not all r correct... bt i tried! =D

5. i miss my mates.. (is tat a gud thing?)

guess tatz all 4 d time being... time is runnin out 4 me 2 b in mas... 4 d time being i noe ill b leavin in sept bt then.. if i got other offers i mite leave earlier.. mayb... mayb...

bt 4 d time being.. i wanna b free n njoy d gud things!!!!!!!! XD

I'm a BigBang member!!!

juz wanna tell evry1 im in BigBang! -proud eh 2 hv me as a fwen-

juz during my Calculus 162 class... it was chosen by my mates...

i noe sum r cursing me... wth is wrong wif this idiotic gurl...

guess its true in sum ways!! :D

-title-

i was doin maths when sdnly i remembered.. d week i was told 2 leave ky i jz told my mum i am not goin bck home over d weekends since d holz is jz 1 week away.. n it was a day b4 i got d call i tink... i thought it was of no significance bt then nw i tink its jz a way 2 show tat things dun always go d way i want it 2 be... instead of not goin bck 4 d weekends, i ended up goin bck 4eva.. ironic, eh? =)

hw i get 2 remember tis.. i tink d stress wif calculus 4 bus 2 did it.. on thurs i tink i was talkin n laughin all d time despite notin was particularly hilarious.. my mates were shocked n mayb kinda scared of me at tat time bt nw im kinda stable though it brought back certain stuf which nvr crossed my mind b4... hehehe

n ystrdy i managed 2 shock a couple of guys 4 playin dota.. seriously, im not gud at it.. jz 2 release d tense frm 162 n tatz bout it.. bt they were shocked i cn tell ya tat 4 sure :D

seriously.. im doin my maths at d mo... graphs again.. i hv been stuck wif tis 4 d whole week.. lab report is not done yet... gonna get it done latest 2nite!!

back 2 work! ;)

now...

somehow these past few days i feel a lil bit disturbed. instead of looking forward 2 classes in taylors, ive been tinkin a lot bout kyuem.. hehehe though things r under control, i hv a feelin tat im bein slightly sensitive these past few days...ive been tinkin n tinkin.. tat at times if im not careful im certain i would b drowned in thoughts, again.. tinkin of 'if' again.. =) not a gud thing 2 do, i assure u

wonder hw things gonna turn out tis sem.. i realized at times wat i say n tink r 2 diff things... there is definitely a mask im wearing; concealin d part of me.. im inside a glass box.. protecting my heart from those i dislike.. bt i guess d glass is about 2 break.. 2 many things hv happened.. 2 many events which caused it 2 crack n alas its either i soar or ill sink... things happen 4 a reason n i havent forgiven myself and d other party.. n i spose tatz wat put me in tis tight position... an unforgiving loneliness at times.. barely 4get d meaning of it since last aug bt i spose life is unperfect... d imperfectness makes me tink... n tink.. n at times get tired of tinking...

nevertheless, i shall find a reason 2 move on.. though my heart is still behind bt i guess i gotta go.. n leave a part of me behind.. i still am tinkin wat if.. even rite nw... still tinkin n it wont stop till sumtin larger happen n mite take me by surprise... as much as d july n aug surprise... as long as i havent forgiven myself 4 d decision... i guess ill b stuck like tis 4eva...

so, lets start d 2nd part of my journey.. like wat sum1 said b4, i hv d most interestin edu journey in my fam n slowly it mite kill me frm knowin my self.. it mite make me a good actress though.. mayb i shud take up theater class soon... =P

l.e.t.s.w.o.r.k.h.a.r.d.t.o.a.c.h.i.e.v.e.o.u.r.d.r.e.a.m.z.t.h.o.u.g.h.i.t.w.o.u.l.d.m.e.a.n.i.n .f.l.i.c.t.i.n.g.p.a.i.n.o.n.s.e.l.f.

Six

Walking down the path,
Where birds fly free, breeze singing,
Sakura floating.

Moon, remain hidden,
And darkness embraces me,
Immutable curse.

wat im up 2...

wat am i up 2 these few days.. nutin much.. bt soon aftr im bck frm kenyir i was tinkin of writin a myth bout koi fish.. dun ask me y.. sdnly koi seem 2 b appealing 2 my eyes.. they remind me of those olden chinese stories where they hv this long beard n moustache as well.. hehehe juz crossed my mind.. bt well.. workin on it at d mo.. though d settin will b in japan (as if ive been there..) research is definitely needed bt i hv no idea whether i will b able 2 end tis work of mine or not.. lately all ive been writing ends up hanging half way through.. i wasnt able 2 conc on them properly.. sumtin is buggin me i spose...

nw im not well (again) flu n all.. not forgettin body ache... evrytin seems 2 b wrong at times... miraculously i woke up at 6am 2day though i told myself 2 go 2 bed again coz i wasnt feelin gud... college is startin again n im dreading 2 start classes... d holz hv spoilt me that i dun feel like studyin yet.. huhu help me!!! im sooooooooooo lazy.... esp since i havent got my timetable when others hv obtained theirs...

k, better get bck 2 work..sat is comin up!! -wish me luck!- =)

innocent thought I

The blue sky
Looking with blinded eyes
Silently thinking
“Would I see it change colour?”
And my heart slowly ached.

I saw the flower
Budding in May
And yet
I thought
“Would I ever be able to see it bloom next spring?”
And my soul slowly breaks.

The slow breeze
Singing the song of life
While I, watching
The wilting of self
To a person unknown to others
Unknown to world.

was juz tinkin

Is it possible for a person to never give up in life? Could a person be touched without any contact? How strong could a heart be and how long can the strength last when it has started to crack; the edge of breaking? As silly as it may sound but perhaps I did learn something from what I have watched. Life being taken for granted, that is what we always do. To never look back and only to remember when we are in pain. Before we start losing what we have, we should cherish it more: the ability to breathe, to watch the plants growing, to laugh with family and friends, to feel the breeze around us. To cherish those who offer us love and those whom we offer our love is not a difficult thing to do. And yet, we tend to forget. We move on but at the same time not developing our heart and soul into a better figure. We left the pain we felt before and kept on running away in hopes of forgetting the dark past. However, we forget that the darkness is the tunnel to light. There is where we force ourselves to bloom and to make the best out of what we have. Once we are in the light, again, we forget and fall into the pitch darkness and again we struggle and again we forget. Is that what all of us are good at: an expert at forgetting important things in life? Even the small smile from our loved ones should be treasured. It is not to the extent of counting each smile but perhaps to remember how it looks like and to be grateful to still be able to see it is perhaps something we should really try to do. Why wait for the pain to come then only the feeling of grateful and then regret? Regret comes only to those who fail to live their life to the fullest. Not to say I have no regrets in life (many actually) but I suppose I am trying to move on without leaving my regrets behind. To move on and still remember every second I lived and left. I know how it feels to think that our ultimate dream has gone to pieces, to have to maneuver my course of life into something I do not enjoy. However, life does not alter to your wants or needs. It is there to test you and to teach you to be grateful each and every day: To be more mature and aware in leading ourselves to reach our goals. Yes, we need to make sacrifices but do choose the right choices. Actually, I would prefer to put it this way: do listen to what your heart have to say instead of relying on your senses all the time. Sometimes it is worth listening to your intuition. I know it is. If you are in pain, remember you are never alone. There are others who suffer more than you do and that you always have your friends and family by your side; to be there at all times and listen to what you have to say. Never give up in life for life is there for us to find a way to live in this world not to find the way to death.

d ractar visit =)

After weeks of planning at last we had time 2 go 2 ractar.. we cancelled our visit twice I tink n now we had d time 2 go.. those involved r me, laili, khairil, syamim, reen!, aitidal, hasanah, raihan, nurul, hazmira. We arrived around 1030 coz d transportation did not come.. hmm..sumhow… so reen fetchd all of them n I went wif reen as well.. frm home =)

At first it was intro session… n thn we had ice breaking.. akma n achik was wif me.. both from primary.. cfil.. my primary school too.. akma is in year 6 which achik is in year 2… all of us were given d opportunity 2 conduct our session wif them as we please.. hw I started.. 4 d first half hour (or more) we talkd bout ourselves.. teachers in cfil… n then crap a lil bit ere n there =) –its normal of me 2 do tat- n then I started my eng activities… started out wif spelling bee. Though we mix eng n malay in our comm. But its fine 2 me.. I got them 2 spell n write d words out.. I joined them 2… hihi as usual.. 2 get d fun as well..

D next activity I did was charade.. I get them 2 act out as a few animals n objects n they were definitely shy.. but then, they did it neways… a few mins after charade, reen decided 2 join our group. Soo sorry, bt I 4gotten d name of d 2 gurls… we continued wif charade but tis time there were 4 of us.. hehehe kinda nice… reen def have a knack on torturing kids I tink.. I gottta learn frm her on how 2 do it.. =) reen is def more motherly than me.. im whackier n crazier I spose… =P then sum of d gurls wanted 2 perform.. dances.. nice ones… 1 frm d song sway n d other is tarian kipas.. nice job gals! Next up was raihan singing.. then d kids.. then raihan again.. then d whole lot of us.. =) –malu la suara terlalu ‘sedap’- =P

At last it was 1230.. time 2 go bck home… time 4 them 2 have lunch.. it was shockin hw fast 2 hours passed… we din realized at all… n thn all of us bid each other goodbye.. hasanah’s bag was popular.. a kid kept on takin her bag everywhere… n cried when she gotta part frm hasanah…. Sad, eh? But we njoyd ourselves a lot.. reli2 a lot… khairil was 2… I tink he was in a way touchd when d kids calld him abang… n he was hepi he was able 2 relay his experience 2 those kids.. connectin wif others in a diff way than usual.. nice, rite? relationships r blessing 4 all of us… =)

d journey

Im writing tis a few days after d event coz I dunno y.. mayb xhausted or slightly bz.. finals r indeed comin soon.. so yeah… d delayin process… n nw im typin in college as im drop dead free til sumwhere in d afternoon when things will suddenly get hectic =(

Ok neways… it was a thurs.. last thurs when both hasanah and I went to KL in order to ‘teman’ Kee Hee for her informal interview for Cornell U. we were sposed 2 go 2 d guys office but they ended up meeting in maju junction and both of them had lunch in pizza hut. Thank goodness I went with them coz if not hasanah will b alone around ¾ of the time in kl… we had lunch together.. went to giant (as if we dun stay close enuf 2 giant… huhu.. sebelah casa je…) n I kept on buyin cut fruits.. more cut fruits n more fruits..

Hw did we get there.. taxi!! Kee hee paid d whole things n it made us kinda guilty.. (tnx loadz dear!!) n thn we started walkin around… we hv not even d slightest idea where 2 walk around in kl… I mite b a gurl who have stayd in subang 4 almost all of my life but I nvr take heed on wats around.. sleepyhead, I am.. keep on sleepin in d car.. hehehe =P so we kept on walking (summore it was in d afternoon!!) n reachd d monorel station…

Then we all looked at d route.. where shall we go? Berjaya? Boring.. so we headed to kl sentral straight… n well we walkd there n noticed d walkway was pretty dirty… rubbish all over.. I wonder y do peepz throw rubbish everywhere since it is a place where tourist do come often.. kinda makes a bad image 4 malaysians, aite? It got me thinking.. wat hv bcome of our awareness on cleanliness… if we could keep our house clean all d time (unlike me.. but I hate throwin rubbish in public) y cant we do d same 4 our country.. its our country newayz…

So then we walkd around kl central 4 a few hours.. I saw a fruit stall (happy me!!) n checkd out d price of cherries.. bloody expensive! 80+ per kg! I was soo shockd that I gaspd when I saw d price… quickly recovering frm d shock we got ourselves ice cream!! (yay, my fav!!) n thn we sat coz my feet were aching… reli2 aching (I got a blister neways…) n thn set 2 get our ktm ticket at d machine.. d machine is sooo fussy.. it wouldn’t accept my RM10 coz its slightly crumpled but it swallowed my RM5.. d new RM5 easily.. annoyin machine… there goes my cute, lil RM5… n when we wanted 2 find d platform we got a lil bit lost.. we were finding 4 platform 5 but ended up at d stairs of platform 1 & 2 I tink.. n we were all.. where is platform 5!! Made us look like some.. well… dunno where peepz… like sesat oni.. but then we realized tat d stairs 2 d platform 5 is juz d one opposite where we were standing.. gosh, it was embarrassing!!

After waitin for quite a long time for d ktm it managed to arrive… hehehe… =P we got on n waited to arrive at subang station. Arrived, kee hee askd us out 2 sunway for dinner.. she got us dinner neways… so we were tinking hw shud we go there… n ended up on a bus mini… I thought d bus might hv dropped or netin like tat coz it was in a majorly bad condition.. but well.. we managed 2 arrive safely at sunway despite d bad jam n all.. it was raining n I tink there was a leakage in d bus.. hmm…. Nvm, wats important is we arrived in one piece… =)
In sunway, we walkd around… round n round… n when I go 4 my prayers, both hasanah n kee hee went walkin sumwhere else n they ended up goin 2 d toilet instead of d surau 2 get me after im done prayin… hihihi (hasanah la ni jd guide.. trus sesat =P) we had dinner in mcd… talkd loadz.. n hear both of d gurls tell me an ‘interesting’ dream of theirz.. (oww it’s a secret!) hihi.. but I doubt tat would b true though.. unless… unless… =)

We left sunway at 8pm… it was raining n d jam was overwhelming! We got on a metro bus n well we kinda panicked coz hv no idea where were we heading (so much 4 me being a usj kid) but I noe we were stil in usj.. heheh at least sumtin, rite? N we arrived bck n casa at 9pm I tink… or was it later? I was sooo exhausted by tat time n my feet were aching badly.. d blister! OMG!!! Wasn’t cool at all.. haven’t heald til 2day coz ive been walkin a lot.. in heels summore (but its I tink around 1 inch oni.. not bad 4 my legs rite? It shouldn’t do me any xtra harm aite??) n I gotta decline a dinner invitation coz I was sooo superbly tired.. nevertheless I stil slept at 1130/1200 sumwhere there.. hehehe

Me haven’t been on a public transportation 4 ages was drop dead xcited through out d whole journey.. I tink I was d brightest of all.. though as nite crept in d xcitement died away as exhaustion was takin over my body… so yeah.. nice full day outin! Hehehe njoyd it 2 d max.. =)

The Melancholy (of i today)

Today,
I hear but I did not listen
I see but I did not look
And of the laughter
I only felt pain
when the trembling of my soul
could be detained no longer
and hatred have given birth
from self to fate; of i to I.

Of laughter and smiles; a fake
of pleasure in both
have long been lost
in the mist of grief
as dreams have brought wrath
crucifixion of joy
to lament, eternally.

of Ignorance, I am ashamed,
of Sorrow, I am pained,
but you, seeing from afar
thought silently
"she is just as fine."

Five

On a silent night,
Returning to solitude,
Sitting down; crying.

Four

The Oirase Stream,
Pure as the love of you,
Clear and true.

The singing breeze,
and my eyes locked with yours,
I, lost in beauty.

The little fishes,
Swimming in Shimanto River,
Like playing catch.

yesterday n today

as i was in my room in casa after my prayers, i was browsing through the internet while checkin up whose is on9, who isnt, my profile updates, etc n sumtin crossed my mind.. ive heard bout kyuem since i was in lower secondary i tink.. sumwhere when i was in f3 i tink wait.. younger... f2 or f1... n i was shocked!

d story was like tis.. well.. i noe i got 2 noe nico n pojz a few years b4 tis n used 2 keep in touch wif them n i juz remembered they were frm kyuem.. (i hv a feeling nico is in one of d picz in kyuem prospective student broschure which i still hv till 2day.. hmm) i remembered pojz tellin me he was frm kmys which hv changed into kyuem... n i juz remembered me doin research tryin 2 find out wat is kyuem! wat a coincidence (bak kata aidid...) i remembered bein xcited readin bout kyuem but soon i 4got bout it.. huhu until it juz striked my mind 2day! hw we r all connected.. its kinda weird n makes me wonder..

n nw i tink my brain is kinda slow 2 remember things.. i was smiling away after i finished thinking bout it.. mayb we were meant 2 meet in kyuem.. mayb i was meant 2 set foot in kyuem even 4 a short period.. mayb there is sumtin more 2 d 3 weeks i was in kyuem.. well who noes? hehehe nw im startin 2 ramble again.. but it xcites my emotions 2 noe tat in a way i knew d college although i thought i din... it was partially familiar 2 me though at first it was alien 2 me... it felt almost like i found a new piece in my life puzzle.. which made d whole pic more interestin than i thought it was... n im thankful 4 all ive been thru.. d tears n smiles... d time.. d energy.. n all... -syukur, Alhamdulillah-

found it!!

so 2day i went 2 mydin n guess wat i found!! apricot juice!! cool aite? been cravin 4 tat 4 2 months.. since i left kyuem... i miss tat juice.. n coz teramat la jakun utk rasa d juice.. as soon as i got bck home.. lepas shampoo n mandi n siap.. i sipped d juice.. its kinda diff than kyuem.. kyuem its almost like ur eatin d fruit but tis is very smooth... nice but smooth.. 2 smooth i tink... saje je wanna blog bout tis.. its almost like i found sumtin ive left behind.. mayb i did.. n heck yeah i am grateful 4 it... =)

wastin of time...

Found it at maalini's blog while readin it after ages x checkin.. feel like doin it after chem.. huhuhu =P *ignore d rulez newayz..*

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog. (I'm going to assume that most bloggers would know the basics of this game of tag, at least, but I'm just copy-pasting. :P)

Starting time: 2312

Name: Farah Nur Ain Hushin

Sisters: 1

Brothers: 1

Shoe size: hmm.. between 8 and 9 i guess...

Height: gosh.. 1.54!! -feelin short-

Where do you live: Subang Jaya

Favourite drinks: well.. apricot juice (tnx 2 kyuem) n my all time fav!! lime juice/lemon juice!!

Favourite breakfast: nowadays i keep on eatin bread 4 bfast.. cereal at times 2..

Have you ever
Been on a plane: Yeah... quite a no of times...

Swam in the ocean: Yeah.. wif my cuzins i spose though it was a few years ago...

Fallen asleep at school: Yeah!! OBVI! =P -but guess coz i feel guilty 2 sleep durin class.. i sleep when d teacher is not available... or durin free periods-

Broken some one's heart: guess i did =(

Fell off your chair: ahaha.. almost i guess

Saved e-mails: oh yeahhh... nowadays i keep sum emails 4 filin purposes...

What is your room like: kinda messy.. u wouldnt wanna enter my room b4 i start cleanin it up...

What's right beside you: my bed in d apartment, pillow, hp, calcu, papers, chem notes, eng notes, tudung, begs, college id, apartment pass, pencil boz, my soft toys!, my exam pad.. huhu

What is the last thing you ate: hmm..i tink it was laksa... eh wait.. dried papaya...

Ever had

Chicken pox: yup.. when i was in primary durin ramadhan..

Sore throat: definitely... many times..

Stitches: thank God, no...

Broken nose: havent yet n not intending 2...

Do you

Believe in love at first sight: well..not reli.. coz i spose u gotta luv sum1 3 who they reli r... their qualities than their looks.. though i cant deny i do njoy lookin at sum1 even frm d 1st time i laid my eyes on tat person.. hehehe

Like picnics: kinda fun if u hv d rite company...

Who was/were the last person

You danced with: my sis?

Last made you smile: hahaha evry1 in d apartment..i hv tis habit of smiling out of d blue neways... =)

Today did you

Talk to someone you like: hahaha... wat do u tink? -my fwenz definitely if tatz d context bein askd ere..- :P

Kissed anyone: oh yeah.. my mum.. a peck on d cheek! =)

Get sick: headache as usual...

Talk to an ex: hahaha no ex yet... ne1 wanna b d first?? hehe =P

Miss someone: yupz.. definitely..

Eat: obvi YES!!

Best feeling in the world: knowin tat friendship worth more than anytin else in d world n true ones dun end ezly...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yeah! i have my mini bear-bear n baby kiwi wif me ere in casa subang.. but i change 2 bolster bck home...

What's under your bed: d one in casa... my bags... d one at home.. rubbish!!

Who do you really hate: certain peepz i tink... (there is 1 i cant even hear tat persons voice wout feelin irritated) n d feelin of havin hurt others n not bein able 2 help n straighten things up.. d feelin of bein disabled n lost..

What time is it now: 2323 (nice huh?)

Random

Is there a person who is on your mind now: hahaha.. honestly, yes...

Do you have any siblings: yeah... as mentioned above..

Do you want children: hehehe yeah.. when d time is right i spose...

Do you smile often: i tink peepz at times get shocked y i smile so suddenly.. so yeah..i guess i do smile kinda often

Do you like your hand-writing: depends.. sumtimes is damn ugly..at times its ok..

Are your toe nails painted: nope...

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: d one in d master bedroom seems kinda cool.. but well.. i cn sleep anywhere..so not a prob 2 me! =)

What color shirt are you wearing now: brown

What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: yesterday is saturday... wt was i doin? i tink i was gettin ready 2 pray...

When did you cry last: hmm.. d day i left kyuem i tink... it was bad on 070808 n 080808 but on 100808 i managed 2 control myself... at last.. self control.. it took me hours 2 control myself on 070808

Do you have any pets: used 2 till all committed suicide (reli!!)

Where is the person you have feelings for right now: hahaha feelings?? dlm hutan. haha jk2

Did you hold hands with the person who means anything to you now: yeah.. all my gurlfriends n fam esp my sis.. (mangsa kakak yg baik ati!! MUAHAHAHA)

Do you sleep with the TV on: nah..barely watch it

What are you doing right now: juz finished studyin chem... nw answerin this stuff

Have you ever crawled through a window: nope not intendin 2...

Can you handle the truth: guess soo.. it mite hurt at first but as time flies.. ill take it...n accept it

Are you too forgiving: hmm depends wat d c2ation is like

Are you closer to your mother or father: i guess both.. im kinda attached 2 evry1 in d fam.

Who was the last person you cried in front of: my bro n mum i guess.. d day i signed my jpa contract... (kinda embarrassing 2 admit i cried in front of d officer as well..huhu)

How many people can you say you've really loved: uncountable

Do you eat healthy: ahahah.. tryin 2..

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: n/a (hehehe)

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: nope... there r times when i dun gv a crap wat peepz say bout me... its not worth it u c...

Are you loud or quiet most of the time: loud.. i noe im loud n noisy... tatz y peepz miss me! =P

Are you confident: yeah.. i convince myself 2 b one..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1.studyin like mad
2.writin poems n short (reli2 short) stories
3.started d hobby of hittin people (hahaha)
4.playin firecrackers
5.wearin green uni...

5 things on my to-do list
1.study 4 my tests n finals
2.find a tutor for my foreign language
3.finish up my application form 4 my unis
4.prepare for my toefl
5.plan wat 2 do durin d holz (lookin 4ward 2 it!!)

5 snacks I enjoy
1. fruits
2. dried stuff
3. sour stuff
4. some biscuits
5. instant soup

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1.menunaikan haji!! -wajib 2-
2.donate 2 those un42nate
3.get a house, car, etc
4.eh i 4got.. zakat!
5.gv some 2 my parents (mayb go holz 2gether sumtin like tat)

5 of my bad habits
1.lazy
2.bad temper
3.postponing stuff
4.thinkin 2 much
5.observing peepz?

5places I have lived in
1.johor bahru
2.usj 1
3.usj 2
4.gloucestershire
5.sumwhere in singapore

5 jobs I've had
1.jobless
2.pvt tutor =)
3.teacher
4.editing peepz stuff
5.criticizing sum stuff

-wow.. nw i cn go 2 bed =)-

ke midvalley!

hehehe so tis morn at 11 i went 2 midvalley coz dh janji wif sue!! =)since i arrived slightly b4 sue so i bought d tickets (hsm3) n our movie was due at 1215... so b4 tat, we sat n chat n talked n laughed away... jalan2 cakap2 n then jalan lagi n ckp lg.. n things like tat..

d movie wasnt tat bad.. n amat banyak lagunye.. hehe =) but well i njoyd watchin it wif sue.. guess i would if i were 2 watch it wif any of my fwenz.. ape ye we all talkd about.. loadz n loadz of stuff.. n it made me wish im in kyuem again... i heard bout d scandal on sue n syuk.. ehehe. kinda nice n sweet... (there r sweet scandalz u noe.. :P) not all r nasty...

its juz nice 2 b able 2 c her face again after months of not seein each other.. i noe i miss kyuem damn a lot.. d peepz esp.. but i miss d campus as well (hmm..) so yeah.. keepin in touch is wat im tryin 2 do ere...

ckp pasal keepin in touch..tadi nk mkn kat mid.. evrywhere was full! damn! but wat 2 do.. at last we ended up at d drop-dead-expensive-food-court n i had a feelin its more worth it eatin at secret recipe than there... even d thai restaurant shud do better than tat i tink.. (readin tis para again.. i had no idea wats d cnctn between keepin in touch n makan...)

we parted at i tink 4 sumtin.. sue ke komuter n i went bck home.. n yeah.. i hope sue will come over 2 my hse sumwhere tis dec.. sape lg nk dtg??? hehehe cpt2 btau! sementara offer masih buke!! =P

d trip..

originally i was sposed 2 go 2 ssp wif raihan but then things din go as we planned n well it was cancelled. instead of goin in a bus 2 ssp i went on a bus back 2 casa n mydin XP it was kinda xciting (despite d fact tat d bus driver was bloody scary..) since it have been ages since i went on a public bus.. reli2 long.. n cam jakun skit.. hehehe as in i wanted 2 noe hw am i spose 2 pay 4 d tickets n all n d presence of d driver def did not make things better... agak xciting la..

n then we went 2 mydin n i hv brought d carpet n a room air freshner 2 keep d room fresh!! =) im soo glad i hv done all this things n im currently sittin on d carpet.. hepi gyle!! =) but well.. it sumhow reminds me of when skyn brought d carpet 2 L-48.. n then one da ramai2 ketuk d carpet utk bersihkan dia.. cam pakai purdah sume coz nk elak dr kene habuk XP tat time skyn blik umah so it was juz me, zatie n umu.. hihihi good (not reli old) dayz...

wat i bought in mydin.. juice, dried papaya, carpet n air freshner!! +), ape lg ek.. oh yeah.. instant soup (evrytin is instant ere in casa) well.. i guess tatz all i wanna say 2day... kinda tinkin hw 2 settle my chem lab report.. hmm.. =P

My Little Wish

If I were,
To close my eyes,
Could I turn back time,
And return,
To where I belong?

If I were,
To pray hard and deep,
Could I hear your voice,
And again,
Take in your smile?

I wish,
I am still there,
With you, together
Fly towards the open sky,
Reaching for the same bright star.

reunion L48!! =)

keh3X.. d title says it all... we had tis (not reli a reu actually) but all of us went 2 skyn's hse... zatie, zetot n def umu crashed at skyn's hse 4 3 days i tink n i well.. came over frm 2 til 9.. hehehe 7 jam.. it was reli TRULY fun 2 b able 2 meet up again.. i hv d full pic of L48 but agak bergegar so im waitin 4 zatie.. nnt nk amik frm zatie i tink... then its clearer.. gosh i miss them soooo SOOO much tat i was pratically tellin my parents 2 pick me up l8... ikutkan ati nk join crash umah skyn but ingatkan i was sehelai sepinggang so x jadi la.. =)

wat we did... catch up on stories.. a lil bit of gossipping.. comments on taylorz... n def refreshing memories in kyuem...miss those times... 2 b honest ere in taylorz for months doesnt feel long but bein in kyuem for oni 3 weeks... i cant believe i was there 4 oni 3 weeks.. i calld it home on d 1st week n it felt like i hv been there 4eva.. like i truly belong there...but well.. life has 2 go on.. we cn nvr get evrytin we want in life..

ok bck 2 d reu.. we ate 2gether.. ketawa kuat2 2gether.. potong nasi impit 2gether.. play wif skyn's anak2 buah.. =) best gyle! i wanna draw more bubbles!! big n small ones.. =) n fishy as well.. i thought i was d oni one who calls fishes fishy but looks like im not alone =P kami solat bersama2 jua... tgk skyn yg teramat2 penat n tido pas sume balik... maklum le.. x tido semalaman...

dearest peepz.. ill find a time 4 u guyz 2 crash @ my place plak.. Insya Allah but coz now im stayin in casa n holz pun agak tidak same.. so yeah.. i'll try 2 make things out.. susun btul2.. n tis time kene ajak bihah skali..huhu pet sisku yg tercinta cheewaaahhh... or mayb wat reu our petfam n chalet skali.. wat bout all of us meet up sumwhere sumtime.. gonna b cool.. ill c wat i cn do.. now xm r comin up..sat 2 tis sat, 12 nov chem test, 19 nov maths test, 1st week dec finals, 24th jan sat 1 retake.. huhu.. bz2!!! -being bz doesnt mean i dun hv time 4 my loved ones.. =) miss u guyz n luv u guyz soo much -

Three

As the cloud gathers,
I saw pieces of you,
In my memories

d trip 2 htar.. hmm....

so yeah... 2day we went (d whole fam i mean) 2 htar in klang.. ade la kot a couple of hours there.. reason : my cuzin met an accident. Alhamdulillah, he is gettin better n i pray 4 his speedy recovery... physically, emotionally and spiritually..Insya Allah.. =)

by d time it was 745pm i askd 2 go 2 d surau. i did walk around searchin 4 one and askd d security guard at 2nd floor but i cant understand her instructions (un42nate 4 me) so at d end of d day my uncle took me there.. n on d way 2 d surau i realized i would get lost if i were 2 go wif my sis.. well.. my sense of direction is reli 'good' u c... =P n it was kinda dark and quite quiet d road 2 d surau...

so by d time we finished our prayers, masa lawatan is over... n yeah b4 we could enter d lift 2 d wards, both my uncle and dad got stopped from entering... so called need a pas lawatan sumtin like tat.. when they have taken d pass, they got oni 1 pass which if 4 2 peoples.. conclusion, my sis n i din go up.. we were wondering around wat 2 don things like tat u c... kinda pathetic rite?

so d next thing i askd my sis is whether she wanna eat ice cream.. so i askd d security guard if there is anythin i could buy frm any shop.. n these were wat we bought..




ice cream, mangga n red tea! n both of us lepak2 at d 'taman' n tgh2 makan ade la tikus besar lalu depan both of us.. hahaha i was 2 shocked 2 make any remarks.. sihat walafit d rat idup kat htar... =P ini la rupe bdk mkn ice cream in hospital..



n thn we all dh picnic kat taman di htar pas 2 dh i tink close 2 9 kot.. we went bck home.. im glad my cuzin (abg han) looks fine although he hasnt recovered fully at least he could talk... n i tink tatz wats important n tat he is no longer in ICU.. =) well.. it was a cool trip in htar (hmm.. not reli..) but sumtin new i tink!! =) n yeah.. HAPPY DEEPAVALI!!

mydin

eceh eceh eceh... 2day we went 2 buka puasa in mydin which is located next door 2 casa subang.. reli near... so yeah.. we ate at d food court (6 of us) syamim, laili, aitidal, hasanah, nurul n myself! =) we ate 2gether but went bck in 2 groups.. d 1st group is hasanah, nurul n i and d other 3 d 2nd group coz they wanted 2 pray in d surau at mydin first.. so yeah all of us managed 2 get home safe n sound but tat doenst mean us 3 1st batch went home quietly. we had a couple of guyz buggin us n taggin along wif us til we almost went out of d mydin gate 2 d casa... kinda scary but well i made this slumber face coz i spose if i showed fear than things might hv gotter worse... neways, im prayin hard 4 my n d otherz safety... doa2 dilindungi slalu n dijauhkan dr segala malapetaka... n diberkati slalu! k.. study again!! =)

pose!!! =)

so 2day is d 1st day of my puasa sunat... d 2nd week of syawal n baru nk start pose sunat. bangun pagi2 kul 5 teringat wak2 pose ngan umu kat kyuem. tat time we woke up at 5am and ate bread 2gether. kebetulan, i saw d same bread which i ate wif umu (d toast em with apricot thingy) n i remembered exchanging breads with her (xchange prog) iaitu bread with peanut butter. till 2day i remember d taste.. sumhow it tasted diff (4 ur info i dun njoy peanut butter) but on tat day it tasted reli delicious.. hehehe psychology btul! d taste of sharing n caring n friendship kot.. =) n thn bile nk buka pose we sat outside of d DH 2 hear 4 d azan wif an apple (tatz me!!) in the hand. gosh, miss those times! 4 2day.. as 2 wat 2 buka.. mayb bread n sum vege which im gonna buy downstairz... pagi ni sahur oni 2 pieces of bread, milk n water... previously in kyuem 4 pieces or bread, water n tea.. hahaha... suddenly after remembering wat umu n i had in kyuem i kinda feel full.. of memories i spose... hihi =P

ok, gonna get goin n grab a bath. 5 sumtin near 6... gonna go off9 soon enuf 2! n listen 2 d mp3 instead after tis... n get ready 4 d bus!!! off i go! =)

*setiap pertemuan itu adalah permulaan kepada sebuah perpisahan. kasihilah mereka yg dikelilingmu dgn seikhlas hati agar tidak kelewatan utk menyatakan sayangmu pada mereka.*

current.. now... present...

SAT 1 is over.. waitin 4 SAT 2 now.. din noe its gonna b kinda tough coz d syllabus isn’t exactly like spm.. it is kinda tough u noe.. sob3… been getting oni slightly more than 5 hours of sleep these days… n oh yeah.. im in one of d be_adp committee member though if one were 2 ask me wat is my role I would hv juz given that person d sweetest smile I cn offer n keep my mouth shut.. tat is hw blur I am on my position… u understand rite? Missin things n peepz reli badly nowadays tat it hurts at times… oh yeah it hurts… juz dloaded a few slow songs, luv songs n yg sewaktu dgnnye… in d mood 4 them… =) n I juz got an invitation by my students 2 join their class party… but I kinda feel its gonna b awkward 4 me 2 b there but at d same time I miss them as well… miss being their teacher… reli I do miss those times.. but I miss my times in kyuem more though I look at it wif a smile n a laugh at times that even when im studyin n get stressed up I remember those times n I feel fine again.. cool aite? Hehehe at least sumtin instant 2 reduce stress… =) Friday (10.10.08) was d first time I wore baju kurung in taylorz.. it brings memories 2 wear baju kurung on Friday.. as I remember bihah askin bout my attire in kyuem as always in slacks… hehehe wat 2 do… I hv few baju kurung.. tatz d reason y.. but d collection is increasing but d fact tat most now needs 2 go 4 dry cleaning does make me a lazy bump 2 put them on xcept 4 4mal stuff (which I dun hv any currently…) okiez.. mari la kite sambung blaja sat chem. N maths.. n ne1 who wanna noe d 4mat of sat 1 do ask me… ill b glad 2 help u guyz out! (since its still fresh in my mind at d mo.. =P) n 2 those spm candidates and pre u whom are graduating next year do START searching 4 scholarship now itself.. so tat u dun rush about next year… mayb those takin a levels.. dec is d best time 2 check out.. coz im quite certain there r certain scholarship offers whose datelines are in dec or jan.. I cant remember.. n spm, ur trialz r damn important.. I kinda did badly in mine so it din gv me a chance 2 apply 4 any scholarship wif my trialz.. (guess a C in bio does put u in a disadvantage 2 apply 4 sch., rite?) mayb in dec (if im free..) id place a list of scholarships which cn b found 4 u guyz… =)

Two

Standing alone,
Under blooming cherry blossom,
And I saw you, smiling.

Walking pass you,
Behind the veil of white rain,
And you didn't see me.

One

Tears I give to you
Of summer blooming friendship
Memories embedded.

tarawikh!!

Aidid @ abg cput (by d b-11)! Tat was d first name which passed through my mind as soon as I heard the imam’s voice. Today is d first day I had my tarawikh at d masjid near home… b4 tis have been doin it bck at home… I almost smiled when I heard d imam readin d surah al-Fatihah but since I was struggling to put on my telekung, I cut d smile out and hurriedly concentrated for my prayers. But well.. for a split second it brought sweet memories back to mind… =)

Unlike in surau As-Saad in kyuem, ere I realize there r a lot of spaces between each makmum.. as my sis n I r prayin side by side I tapped her on her shoulder as a way 2 signal her 2 move closer 2 me.. not a prob 4 me 2 do tat 2 my own sis… but well.. d spaces r not super big but there r spaces still… never mind bout it… I juz kinda realize hw much I missed solat jemaah in kyuem.. lepak2 in d surau… (alamak! Terbongkar rahsia :P) getting 2 noe each other in d surau, d usrah… tazkirah (though its kinda hard 2 understand wat d guys r talkin bout frm upstairs) but I noe I missed those times though no denyin I dun go 2 d surau everyday in kyuem… I go there on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and d weekends….. hihihi.. n I thought I had a lot of time 2 reshedule my time in kyuem… hw wrong I was..

As soon as I went bck home n opened my laptop, d first song which played on my sonic stage is keep holding on by avril. Gosh, it brought back memories as this is one of d songs which we could choose frm for batch 11 theme song. I couldn’t help but smile as I hear d song… I miss d gud old days n would never trade it for anything in d whole wide world… but I noe now tat those memories r wat pushing me forward… pegi surau wif zatie, umu, skyn… relax2 kat atas kat dlm surau… check out sape imam n muazzin of d day… baca yaasin same2… al-mathurat… hw we bonded ezly in a few short minutes… n yet hw much I treasure those mins…

As life moves on I realize d true meaning of movin on without regrets in life though u dun get evrytin u wan in life… I had no regrets goin 2 kyuem n perhaps no regrets takin d scholarship either coz I noe its kinda hard 4 us 2 get it… dah rezeki macam 2… kite trime aje =p.. even if I could turn back time I would probably do it d way I did it b4.. but I mite think twice of takin d scholarship… no doubts.. but 4 d time being im contented wif wat I hv now… I noe I haven’t lost any friendships I had bck in kyuem and I noe im getting more friends frm taylorz as well… life is unfair but d unfairness is indeed d teacher to leading a balanced life… so.. luv u all.. zutto…

hmm.. life is unpredictable

well2... i am suddenly unwell.. at first it started wif last sunday.. it almost felt as if my body could not control my body temperature.. it kept on changing.. as in i feel hot at first suddenly cold suddenly a mix of both.. n i was not in a particularly gud condition last week n things juz kept on gettin worse i guess... soon enuf i started 2 get a slight sorethroat.. then i started coughin n then nw im losin my voice.. it is almost missing nw n i keep on coughing nw and then.. x suke bile x sihat, tp dh takdir..terima aje le.. n i cn feel my heartbeat is quite unstable.. mayb a lil bit lack of o2 i spose.. but not a big deal i tink.. well, when u start doin ur work, gettin a lil bit pressured n ur not feelin well.. i tink tatz wat happens.. although there r times i gotta stop n concentrate on my breathing.. but no biggie!! =)

tis week im spose 2 hv a quiz 4 my chem.. n yeah am studyin at d mo.. n next week i hv my maths n chem test.. dun sound cool at all.. n im stil hoping tat fri of raya will b a hol.. at least i can rest 1 day b4 sat 1.. i hope its a holz... i reli hope its a hol..

ape lg ek.. oh yeah, i hope d cards i send ke kyuem dh sampai! i msgd almost evry1 i wrote d kad 2 in order 2 infrom them about it.. kang x pasal2 they din take d card.. so yeah.. hope ill b able 2 make u guyz day up wif those cards!! =P

okies!! study2!!! exam, test n quiz nearby!! JOM HAFAL ANIONS!!!! ^_^

My First Experience : Volleyball

‘This is my first essay which I wrote for my Eng 101, one of the courses I am currently taking for my ADP. It took me approximately 30-40 minutes to write this. To put my experience into words, something which I think is not easy but fun to do. Narrative essays, I mean. Yes, I did go through this but there are certain things which I changed. Just a little bit here and there… and well, I did get 18 out of 20 =)’

Volleyball and I were never meant to be for each other; so I thought. I never had any intentions to play volleyball until one of the Topaz seniors came up to all us juniors and made it compulsory for us to participate in the inter-house competition.

“It is important for all of you to participate and make Topaz the champion. Make us feel proud to have you as a Topazian,” she said.

As soon as the participation form got to my hands, the only space left was for volleyball. I looked around and saw the seniors eyes staring at me, waiting for me to sign up. Reluctantly, I placed my name for volleyball. As soon as I walked out of the hall, I felt like I was in a daze. My legs were moving forward but I think I left a part of me behind. I heard exciting chatters on the upcoming inter-house but I did not listen. I was so worried on how would I perform on that day. Anyway, the competition is the next day at 5.15pm at the volleyball court behind the boys chalet. It made things worse.

The next morning, I woke up earlier than usual. It was still dark and chilly but I was very worried that it woke me up from my slumber. Slowly, I crept out of my bed and started thinking of ‘intelligent’ ways to escape from participating. I was concentrating hard on that until I bumped into my roommate, Sakinah, who smiled at me really brightly. She knew my worries but she had this confident look and voice as she patted my shoulder.

“We are going to make Topaz proud of us. Have faith in yourself as much as we have faith in you.”

Those words stumped me. It made me think and feel something I have never felt before. So, I made up my mind to participate but I will definitely inform my seniors on my lack of experience. Who knows, I might be just a reserve and watch them play?

Approximately at 5.00pm, I went down to the volleyball court with the others. The wind was blowing slowly, as if soothing me from my worries. On the way there, I told my senior about my problem and she told me not to worry. We were ten minutes early and had time to practice. To my eyes, everybody seemed to know about volleyball and I felt inferior. When they started to pass the ball around, I struggled every time it gets to me. Being confused and in pain (for it does hurt playing volleyball) is never a good combination. Nevertheless, I could still hear words of support and see smiles on the faces of my teammates.

Soon enough, the match began. I was the reserve and was told to watch and learn. I can feel the excitement and energy as they played. The others and I at the side started screaming and jumping away while giving support to them. They gave all they had when they played and some started to look exhausted. Some even hurt themselves while playing. I thought to myself, “This does not look good. Is it possible that I need to play as well? What am I to do? Am I going to make a fool of myself?”

As these thoughts started to rush in my brain, I heard my name being called and cheers at the background. Is it because… In a daze, I walked onto the court and things started to get blurry. I tried to concentrate really hard on the ball and somehow I felt no pain when I hit it. Was I in a déjà vu? I know I was running to catch the ball, and so were my teammates. By the time things started to make sense, the match was over. I stood quietly and all of a sudden people were cheering and gathered near me.

“We won! We made it!”

Then, I knew what was happening. We were all hurled up together and definitely, smelled of sweat. All of us started screaming away and even the boys joined us. The taste of victory is definitely sweet and it lingered for the whole night. You can see us smiling and laughing the whole day that some might think the victory had caused us our senses.

It was indeed very exhausting but I felt proud not only of myself but also of others. I never imagined I could contribute to my house in that way especially since sports is not my cup of tea. The support I gained from my friends is invaluable for it made me stronger and proved to me that nothing is impossible in life. I now know that we should never turn our backs on anything until we give it a try. To never give up even when things do not seem to go the way you want it to be. However, the most important lesson I learned from my first time with volleyball is that I am never alone; there will always be somebody to hold my hand and guide me towards a better future and will always be there to spice up and add more colors to beautify my life.

aku, kamu dan kiwi

semalam b4 goin 2 aunty ramlah's house.. i ate a kiwi! well, i kinda luv d gold kiwi n it kinda brought memories though at tat time we had oni green kiwis..

in L48.. sape ek ade.. definitely all L48 peepz n i cant remember sape lg ade at tat time but wats important is zetot ade la.. kebetulan tat week i brought kiwi bck 2 college n well.. alang2 ramai2 datang so we ate them together... n well ingat lagi zetot kate lame x makan kiwi... hihihi

spi skrang if mkn ne type of kiwi.. ill b smilin away n d first person who will cross my mind is zetot! hihi.. kinda nostalgic.. but well yeah.. i spose there r things which i dun 4get ezly... n i spose i still miss those times... missing wif a smile =)

d day b4 ramadhan!

okies! 2mr is bulan ramadhan.. selepas maghrib ni.. n then pas isyak dh start tarawikh! rindu dgn solat tarawikh.. but ive never tried 21 rakaat.. sblm ni buat 8 + 3 aje... but tis year nk try khatam dlm masa sebulan nih.. doa2nya impian akan menjadi kenyataan.. Insya Allah..

pape pun, its one day b4 puasa n my mum mentioned sumtin about it being hari mantai (i noe its sumtin like tat, coz i related it 2 bantai...hmm...) n i was practically cleaning up the cow's stomach b4 being cookd... it took me ages 2 clean it up coz it aint ez.. inclusive of cutting it n all.. n then masak lemak cili api! its damn tasty! mayb coz i hv always loved spicy food but it isnt tat spicy coz my fam members dun consume spicy stuff.. d history of me being able 2 eat spicy n hot food is due 2 d fact tat i stayd wif my aunt n grandma n uncle when i was a baby (not reli a baby, but mayb small i spose.. reli small...) n they kinda let me taste d hot stuff.. so yeah, til 2day! =)

so we r gonna hv a special dinner.. tadi breakfast we had nasi tomato.. n sum lauk... n 2nite gonna b nasi impit n perut n i dunno wat else... macam raya kan!! hihi.. i cn feel d semangat in me! i hv been semangat-ed 4 quite some time... its kinda addictive n long lasting (tp btul cakap farzan, kinda exhausting though d semangat nvr dies..)

our journey durin ramadhan will begin soon.. ramadhan hanya setahun sekali, beribadatlah dengan seikhlas jiwa agar ibadatmu diterima Allah. jgn ibadahmu sekadar utk mengikut atau menunjuk, nescaya bala menanti dirimu di sana... jgn tangguhkan ibadahmu ke tahun akn datang, krn masa seseorang itu tiada ketahuan melainkan hanya yang Maha Esa. so, bersama2 kita mengharungi cabaran Ramadhan!

its gudbye 4 real.. kyuem...

So I went 4 d cp nite on d 29th of august.. n ive had tis feeling since I came ere… tis is gonna b d last time I will b entering d college… tis time its real. A true farewell 2 d college but not those in d college I spose.. 4 me 2 come over 2 kyuem after tis is, I dun hv a solid reason 2 stay overnight again… I mean it wouldn’t b fun 2 juz hang out a day n go home by dark.. so yeah… guess its better meetin outside…

Met various peepz back ere… sum of them said hi normally at first n then when they realized its me they go like ‘EH!!’ n ill b smiling away again n I tink ive answerd d same q over n over again… hw is taylors n things like tat.. not 4gettin which is better.. kyuem or taylorz… ill make it clear ere again, ill always go 4 kyuem coz of d environment n activites n community but nw im in taylors n I gotta study hard 2 achieve my dreams… let kyuem b my inspiration 2 move 4ward. Let kyuem b d base of my dreams n taylors d place 4 me 2 jump higher. Sumtin like tat.. if u dun have a strong foundation, it is almost impossible 4 u 2 move forward….

At d end of d nite, I njoyd d cp! N yeah, wondered wat will I b doin if im stil there.. not sumtin I recommend u 2 do if ur missing tat place but well, it gave me smiles instead of tears.. I cn imagine myself doin sum crappy stuff n things like tat n panicking as well.. =) there were quite a crowd, even d seniors joind us watching.. batch 11 is kinda cool.. n yeah, sempat amik gambar ngan najib, faye n azri lagi kat depan hall… sesi camwhoring… hihihi

I went bck n started studydin again (yeah…sat sake…) till 1230 or sumtin like tat… n then I went 2 bed n woke up at 645.. gosh tatz late, rite.. but I was kinda exhausted… I hv no idea y.. not 2 say I was active or anytin tat nite mayb coz I used my feelings n brains excessively… (did i??) but I did manage 2 finish a sat test… n I tink when I get bck 2 my apartment, im gonna grab my other sat book… finish both books up! Its important!!

Im typing tis in college but I am goin 2 post tis at nite I tink.. when I get internet access again… its 1106am n I juz came bck frm d café.. been stayin there since 816 n got my bfast and study there… (again) I was glad I came back.. I found d part of me n yet im leavin it behind again but tis time im leaving it wif a smile on my face.. im glad I met u guys again… I truly am glad (xcept x dpt jumpe kak maji…) but there is a slight frustration in my tiny lil heart..n tis have been pondering in my mind since after cp.. n it will not fade away till I do sumtin… sumtin about it… but I dun hv d heart to coz it mite cause pain ( I dun mind if d pain is mine) and well… yeah, pain is not sumtin gud esp when u gotta gv ur full concentration 2 sumtin… I noe hw does it feels 2 b distracted frm doin sumtin important n hw guilty u feel after tat… so im stil tinkin whether 2 do or not 2 do…

I have verbal class frm 2 – 5… oh yeah, tnx boys 4 sittin wif me at d café juz now… lepak2 while asking bout me =) n sat n adp n d stuff bout studies.. hihi.. .lame sangat blaja my brain almost dried up… so now im waiting 4 my mum n bro 2 pick me up… I hope wat im feeling now will last 4eva inclusive of d frustration im feeling… coz it makes me feel incomplete n motivates me 2 find a way 2 complete tis feeling… so im goin home 4 gud frm kyuem… jauh d mata dekat di ati… friendships do last 4eva if u wish 4 it 2 last… if u reach your hands out n hold on tight to them… memories do last 4eva if u wish it 2 last.. if u teach urself 2 learn n 2 seek joy in them… feelings of luv do last 4eva if u wish it 2 lat… if u make it inspire u 2 move 4ward n 2 always give it a chance 2 bloom… dun face ur back against ur own true feelings, though it hurts, embrace it n b proud of it.. express it n ull b juz fine… trust me! ;P

*OH YEAH!! GUD LUCK SENIORS WIF UR TRIALS!! N SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN AL MUBARAK.. BERSAMA2 KITA MEMERIAHKAN BULAN MULIA INI DENGAN AMAL IBADAT YANG TULUS DARI JIWA YANG SATU*

d dream...

2day.. as soon as i woke up i thought 2 myself... gosh, i gotta blog bout tis... i kinda juz woke up (lepas subuh tido blik... ingat subuh ooo.. asal ntah ari ni rase penat gyle) approx 0910 and well... i got tis weird dream... not reli weird actually but it left me feeling perplexed as soon as i woke up n gave me a fresh start 2 my day..

so well... d dream seemd like a reality 2 me.. d location is in kyuem.. reli peepz! n d stuff in it d walkway, chalet, dh, acad block was exactly d same as d real one.. i hv tis habit when i dream it usually alters sumtin frm reality.. diff wall color, diff positionin but tis time its so real (one of d reason i felt confused...) n yeah.. i met sum of u peepz frm college as well.. i hv vague memories on who i met but i tink i did identify sum of u.. yg cnfrm ade is neighbour, maalini, kak maji n well.. ade lagi la a few... n its almost like a silent movie... i dunno whether u guyz spoke but i tink u did but i cant hear wat were we talkin bout.. n i was wondering around campus (not reli wondering.. ) i was walking around campus wif a purpose (in d dream i noe y am i walkin around but i myself hv no idea wat izit) n i tell myself i gotta get things done...

n then i woke up! as soon as i woke up i was staring at d wall n hugging my bolster n then i saw my sis n then i was rolling on d bed n was tinkin.. wat is tis feeling.. it felt so diff then wat i felt b4... its a mix of excitement, miss, love, n wateva else! a fraction of me felt like crying when d other part of me was contented wif wat i dreamt of and a fraction of me was confused on wat i juz went thru..

i noe d dream is no perminition or anytin like tat... but still.. it gave an impact 2 me and well... i dunno..

let d sufferings begin!

so tis morning i had my first SAT I diagnostic test... its kinda tough due 2 d time constraint.. d test itself is close 2 4 hours n it has 10 parts in it... it mite sound kinda long but actually i skipped several questions coz i din wanna waste 2 much time on 1 q... 6 parts r 25 minutes each, 2 parts 20 minutes each n d last one is 10 mins.. in d actual sat there is another experimental part but since it is not counted in d marks of d xm.. so i spose there is no trials 4 tat part..

i was at d princeton review in kl frm 9am til 5pm.. d xm was frm 9-1, break 1 hour n frm 2-5 i had my english class... it sounded long but coz d essay 4mat is kinda diff n we talkd a lot in class (since benjamin insisted on not having d class quiet) so we dun reli feel time passing by... n yeah, this is d hw list 4 d first class :

1) grading the essay (page 214 - 223)
2) grading of statements in essay (page 228 - 249)
3) write a summary of a novel
4) finish up test 1 and test 2
5) write 4 essays (d topics r given....)
6) memories all words listed in d manual (lets c.. approx 360 words!!)

n all of tis shud b done by fri morning as i hv classes on sat!!! cool aite? i tink im suffering more now compared 2 havin 2 do a levels! gudness! do pray 4 me tat i dun lose my mind by d end of d day... when tis semester is over i shud b free again.. so now! chop2 letz study!!

Me in Taylors

I was sitting alone in d library and suddenly I felt so sad and lonely.. A feeling of emptiness which I have nvr reli felt b4.. its as if a part of me is missing somewhere... I noe where is dat part of me n i hv no intentions on taking it back.. d prob is now.. i wanna learn hw 2 look at d imperfect life of mine wif a smile on my face instead of tears rolling down my cheeks... i believe tat d imperfectness is wat makes u unique... n hence make us wanna get 2 noe others n build relationships in order 2 perfect our picture of life..

so, i have been pondering on these few questions these past few days.. Is taking d best option d right choice 4 me? I mean I cant go around pretending im fine wif all of these when there r times i wish hard (n i mean reli hard) i could turn bck time n undo wat ive done... how attached am i 2 kyuem and how much have it hurt me 2 part frm college? how hurt am i at d mo n y am i tat hurt? izit reli coz of d college or izit d relationship or izit of sumtin which i juz dun c? im tryin my level best 2 evaluate myself in order 2 b totally n fully me again.. nw even when i smile n laugh im very conscious of wat im doin.. im not able 2 do them openly like hw i did it b4.. each n evry single minute seems 2 b passing by me n ive been watchin myself 'acting'...

no intentions 2 let any of u go nor will i eva 4get our memories n time 2gether but i gotta find d strength in those memories 2 motivate me 2 move 4ward.. i noe there r times when i remember kyuem ill become a major study freak (i hv my pride being a kyuem student n definitely a topazian n wanna show them wat ive learnt frm there) but at times it made me stop movin 4ward... but im stil tryin 2 work things out n gotta b fast as d first major exam is tis october.. on d 4th of raya summore! (soon!!!! n my 2nd major xm is in november!! no raya 4 me at all!)

d depression is still there but wat i ask frm evry1 is 2 lend me ur stregth n well.. plz b a part of me as much as ur a part of me 2.. (wat am i bragging now.. suddenly very sentimental..) luv u guys soo much tat it hurts 2 b missing u guys all d time but wout it i tink i would break a part... now i spose ill make u guys, him.. hehehe ;p n my fam as my inspiration 2 move 4ward i spose... n work hard 2wards ivy league!

wish me all d best n i pray 4 our success! Luv u guyz alwayz... n fwenz 4eva n keep in touch n miss me n miss ya 2... n tell me when there is college trip 2 midvalley or newhere then i can come n meet u guys there!

slight depression...

so i went 2 taylors 2day n got a special briefing frm d students services manager for d department of ADP... so yeah, things r goin quite ok since i havent reli made any friends yet xcept 4 d old ones.. hehehe n i did meet another 2 mara scholars but sumhow i cant remember their names (its sooo typical me 2 not remember peepz name easily)

so exam schedule.. since i wanna apply 4 ivy league uni i gotta take my SAT papers... n acc 2 their schedule i gotta take my SAT II in sept n SAT I in dec.. but im kinda intending 2 postpone my SAT II in nov while my SAT I forward in oct... i hope its possible n in a way in can reduce my stress as in i hv more time 2 prepare my SAT n i dun need 2 rush wif d princeton review peepz in order 2 get my SAT mock exams goin as well as d workshops... i hv approx 5 days workshop n 4 mock exams... which gonna commence soon.. like reli soon... n at tat time, my schedule will b reli 'cool'..

wat else ya... hmm.. i gotta get my CV ready by 2mr coz in thurs i hv tis workshop on CV n we mite need 2 hand in our CV so tat our lecturers can hv a look at them.. un42nately, im not reli ready 2 do it since i hv nvr spied on US uni n yeah.. it gave me a headache tis afternoon when i checkd on them.. i guess ill start things frm scratch 2mr... sounds cool 2 me since i wanna do more SAT exercises 2nite but mayb after 10 or so ill start doin CV research esp on which is d best place 2 go, etc

so yeah... lookin 4ward 2 CP nite... ive contacted pn rosni n she said she will ask pn rog if i can come over tat nite.. i hope i cn.. wanna watch batch 11 perform.. n definitely meet up wif my beloved chaletmates, seniors n batchmates... miss u guys loadz!!!

n here i go again...

so 2day i went 2 taylors 4 d registration thingy... n i cant stop myself frm comparing kyuem with taylors... n well i spose u noe who i will side wif.. ;p quite obvi isnt it... (unless if tis is d first time u read my blogs, then well....)

nw im gonna move out of home (again) n well start my adp prog in taylors... i tink tatz d main reason i din get 2 continue my studies in kyuem, coz of d adp prob.. goin 2 us thingy.. d accommodation 2 home is practically less than 5 mins drive.. its beside mydin n giant (no prob findin 4 food!! =p) n i juz remembered i hv a fwen who is currently in taylors n under jpa as well. juz contacted him n he said things r fine at d apartment.. so 2mr ill get a new roommate n a new place 2 call... i dun tink ill eva regard it as home as im gonna go bck home almost evry week... since its damn close... n well... i dunno y... izit possible i hv closed my heart? as in i accept my placement in taylors but i dun embrace it?

2mr i hv sum briefings n i gotta prepare myself 4 my SAT which will commence tis october... so yeah, mock n things like tat i spose.. n there is a possibility im gonna seat for an eng test (again) 2 get 2 noe my current eng standard... so i spose tatz all 4 2nite.. i kinda 4gotten wat else i wanna talk about... (gettin old.. hehehe) n i gotta study 4 sat!! i got a book n doin sum of d q on9 as well... so.. til then!! cheerz!!!

p/s - ive written 2 poems (one in malay n d other in eng) n im kinda proud of it coz
its been sumtime since ive written seriously... hihihi

d end or d beginning?

first of all.. tnx maalini 4 d special blog n msg 4 me! luv u loadz... taylors pun taylors la.. i tink i kene curse coz pn rog always mention taylors... hahaha

so yeah.. nw im heading 2 taylors.. tnx 2 jpa... i mite b studyin in taylors but deep down kyuem will always hv a place in me... n ill alwayz treasure topaz 4 d rest of my life though ive been there 4 less than 1 month...

time defines nutin..4 time is yet another medium of measurement which lacks accuracy.. so yeah, i get used 2 evry1 in kyuem n attachd 2 them faster than i tink i could! shocking but yet... yeah... n 2day... i was able 2 control myself though tears did roll down my cheeks 4 a few seconds n then i was fine again... so i spose 2day at approx 5 sumtin it was d end of me bein an official student of kyuem.. n by 9 am 2mr its d beginning of me studyin in taylors n well.. ill alwayz remember 7 + 8 aug as those were d dates which brought most pain 2 me 4 d time being...

but i spose distance wont d any harm as long as v hv each other supportin frm far.. ill miss evry1 in kyuem n hope 2 adapt 2 taylors asap n well do well in my exams!

d confusion...

d confusion is beginning... i tink i got a major brain block tis evening.. i practically was cryin 4 hours 2day (d first time in my life!!!) now.. let d story begin..

approx 5pm i got a phone call frm jpa n they told me i got their scholarship n im sposed 2 start in taylors tis 12th of aug... i tink tat lady expected me 2 cry wif joy instead i gave her a lame 'oh...' n sounded kinda dissappointed.. n yeah, i was! heck i thought.. y now when im gettin attachd 2 d college.. when im so used 2 bein in kyuem (though its barely even 1 month.. no doubts..) d college is now part of me as much as i am a part of d college itself..

i noe im sposed 2 b reli majorly gratefulo 4 gettin d offer but in a way i wasnt.. i noe its almost like a once in a lifetime thingy but yet.. i wasnt tat happy when i got d news.. i practically was reli dissappointed instead.. i tink its coz they mentioned tat i need 2 start my studies in taylors.. n i dun feel like goin there.. although i hv loadz of cfil fwenz there.. but its 2 diff frm kyuem.. 2 diff! no more topaz!!! x best!!! :(

2mr im goin 2 jpa... doa2 i cn cont in kyuem.. if not.. im gonna miss evrytin n end up cursin my life 4 d first few months in taylors... i reli wil do tat i tink.. im prayin reli hard.. reli2 hard... 2 stay in kyuem.. hahaha.. 2mr is d day n i hope things wil turn out d way i want it 2 b!!!!!!!!! Insya ALLAH!

d topaz welcoming party... =p

well... well... well... at last d welcoming party is over... it is one of d traditions in kyuem 4 juniors.. all of us r grouped in a pet family acc 2 our houses... so yeah.. at d mo.. i have 2 pet sibs (skyn n han) n a pet sis (nabihah) n a pet bro (acap).. sumtin like tat.. its a tiny family but well.. its d same no of family members like my own fam.. its kinda cute u c...

so b4 tis welcoming party, we got letters frm both our pet sis n pet bro.. n we r expected 2 find out who our pet sibs r n which seniors r assigned 2 us.. since d age gap is small.. sum not even one year... coz sum r of my age... i guess... d way we think r almost d same n yeah... we will hv each other 2 guide us 2 d best path we can take in life.. d best doesnt mean it needs 2 b d most perfect.. it can b d worse path u can go thru but at d end of d day u learn a lot.. its better in tat manner rather than 2 lead a life full of happiness wout tasting d bitterness in life n at in d end not understanding d true meaning of life.. nor wil u eva b grateful 4 wat u have...

wat happened 2nite is all of us had dinner 2gether! d guys practically lined up 4 d food but sum of us let them take first n waited 4 d line 2 get shorter... save energy! :) n then solat isyak... then d party begins! well.. we went 2 LT 1 n Mr J gave a welcoming speech 4 all us juniors... welcomin all d new topazians, sumtin like tat :) n then d seniors did d chicken dance which was sooo cute! n they ushered all of us 2 join them.. even cuter...

next was d journey 2 find our new family... we walkd a lot... n on d way 2 our secret destination d seniors played around wif us... tickling, ice.. splashes of water.. n due 2 d fact tat we dun get 2 find our pet bro/sis we get soaked.. it doesnt reli matter what was d content but it was definitely fun n cool! it mite sound scary at first n mite sound weird 2 those out there who dun xperience it themselves.. but it was cool... reli cool n interesting... tnx 2 d topaz seniors 4 evrytin.. frm kak maji 2 afi 2 d others... tnx loadz 4 makin it happen... luv u guys, n gurls definitely!

as soon as i get bck... trus mandi n rendam baju.. i tink ill wash them 2mr nite.. let it get soaked overnite i spose... hehehe.. 4 cleaning purposes.. nutin much... n then now im actually sposed 2 prepare 4 my econs presentation but cant resist 2 talk bout tis though i din talk bout it in details.. its hard 2 put it in words.. all i noe is tat i had lotz n lots n LOTZ of fun 2nite.. n once again... TNX 2 ALL TOPAZIANS 4 EVRYTIN!

MCB is over!

So yeah, d minggu citra budaya in kyuem juz ended 2nite… d whole week there r special activities n things like tat… I was practically involved with pantun n honestly I think I freaked up n was d worst among d rest! Seriously! No joke.. n its my first time doin pantun as well.. its different than joinin pidato or perbahasan 4 d first time.. mayb coz it needs me 2 utilise and reli ransack my brain 4 cool n beautiful vocabs for d pantun.. unlike d other 2..

But 2 our pleasure (our = topazians!) d pantun team did win! We r d champion! Cool isn’t it? But yeah.. I was so shocked n im in total debt 2 both teammates of mine mahfuzah @ muffin n amir.. another thing bout me is I keep on calling amir ariff.. there is definitely sumtin wrong wif my tiny minute brain… getting more damaged over time I guess..

2nite we had d closing ceremony.. sapphire won d whole thing n me as well as a couple of my topazian mates (mahfuzah n fathiyah) were kinda teased by our sapphirian friends.. doesn’t matter… wat matters most is I noe hw hard d whole of TOPAZ workd throughout this whole week n definitely winning is a plus point in havin tis week but wat matters most is tat we r bonding reli well among us topazians… ;) neways, our boria did get 2nd place, as well as galah panjang n umm.. baling selipar if im not mistaken.. not tat bad either! :)

Okies.. there is a test 2mr.. maths! N I haven’t studied 4 it yet.. gotta start studying!

back home!

so well.. its been almost 2 weeks im in kyuem and at d moment im back home.. n practically listening 2 3 songs... d world's greatest, keep holding on as well as my BATCH songs which is standing in d eyes of d world.. b4 tis.. all 3 songs were juz songs 2 me but now since it is tied wif memories frm my college i guess ill alwayz cherish these songs.. though d worlds greatest belongs 2 batch 10 n keep holding on belongs 2 no1 but i guess all 3 songs r important 2 me now...

on wed nite v had tis batch anniversary 4 our batch 10 seniors.. at d end of d celebration d seniors were singing their batch song n it practically touched my heart.. i dunno y.. n d face which i remember most is d president of d students council which is ariff.. mayb coz he was standing in d middle so yeah, he was d first i spotted... n then my dear friend of mine as well, amira... reli havin fun... they look soo close 2 each other tat it made me feel sumtin deep down inside...

ok so now im bck home.. i miss my bed.. my beloved bolster n definitely my ducky which i usually hug evry nite when i go 2 bed.. i also brought home all my hw.. n i reli mean all.. frm maths 2 history 2 english... (havent started eng lessons but there is alredi hw!!) i juz came bck n im goin shoppin these weekends... need 2 get a new bag 4 classes, new pair of shoes n at d same time try 2 figure out who r my pet familiy members.. im gonna call all of them my pet2 4 d time bein.. juz til i find out who they r..

so yeah, juz nw farah eliza came n fetch me wif my bro n mum n d 3 of us met afi coz farah noes afi... i nvr knew tat n yeah afi is my house captain.. wat a small world...

okies, now loadz of stuff r circulating around kyuem.. guess im in2 d college alredi! :)

d first week! :)

So, well… im now in kyuem… although its no denying tat it is not located at one of d best locations as in its reli reli in d middle of nowhere but I guess it is kinda cool if u juz need a place 2 study..

Induction week is stil on.. its frm last tues tilt is tues… n on tues nite I wil b getting my schedule… it has been a seriously bz week… woke up at 530am n sleep at 12++ or even 1am… d seniors reli did make our schedule pack.. n in a way I believe there is a gud reason for tis.. which is 2 make us feel warm, welcomed n definitely not 2 miss home tat much.. esp wif tis kinda new env… if they dun keep us bz.. some of us ere mite end up not bein able 2 focus on preparing ourself 2 study ere in college n b home sick all d time… so though it is tiring… n I mean SUPER TIRING.. but in a way im glad its there… though I cant deny tat induction week did scare me up.. by d sound of it… if oni u cud c hw I worried 4 it.. n when its about 2 end… I tink ill always treasure tis week 4eva… getting 2 noe others n seniors, its cool…

As for hw d week is being done… well, its kinda simple.. all 176 (I tink..) of us r divided into 15 groups… well, im in group 4 n my facilitators r nonnel n zatesa.. cool peepz both of them… glad had them as my facis but d other seniors r cool as well.. no doubt… but mayb coz nonnel n zatesa r my fascis so perhaps tatz wat make me remember them better I tink… activites comprises frm physical ones… mentally challenging ones n yes, a mixture of both 2… but overall, its kinda fun except d part where I gotta wake up extremely early unlike those 7 month lazing at home… hehehe

Its raining quite heavily at d moment.. tatz y I hv sum free time at d mo.. soon enuf im gonna get ready 2 go for dinner n prayers… oh yeah, I hv 4 chalet mates which r umu, zati n skyn@sakinah.. Cool mates… nice ones… always comfortin 2 b wif them…

Wat else… wat else.. I guess nutin much.. I cant b xplainin all bout d activities bein done.. gonna take ages n ages n ages… but all I can say is im gonna treasure tis week 4eva… so yeah, lookin 4ward 4 my classes n startin my college life (startin..coz I haven’t been able 2 digest tat I AM in college now..)

d day out!

so today.. its a friday dated.. umm... umm... izit 10? since i havent started my college n finishd school n work.. ive nvr remembered wats d date... n at times day 2! all i noe is tat tis comin tues is 15th july.. n tatz bout it.. lame n definitely, pathetic rite? it makes me feel idiotic... not rememberin d date n all

so 2day i went out wif farah eliza.. (hidup farah kuasa dua!!) 2 summit... not a real fancy place 2 go but its d nearest 2 home n tat wil do us quite good... so v went out 2gether n farah belanja me evrytin.. it reli did shock me n countless times i askd her not 2 (frm meal 2 ticket n even bought me a bookmark! 2 sweet of her!) i so feel ind debt wif her n definitely grateful 4 wat she did 4 me..

so wat we did was watch a movie.. journey 2 d centre of d earth... its quite a fun movie... though illogical but its entertaining.. d visual is good n d casts r cool... i mean 2 me they did an excellent job... both of us felt d same way.. it was hillarious n din bore us at all.. though at d beginning it was quite slow... but well, it wasnt a bad movie at all.. tat i can assure...

b4 tat we had our lunch at kfc n went 2 mph.. as well as d pharmacy 2 get myself a couple of lipbalm... prevention frm dried lips i spose.. my lips r startin 2 get dried these few days.. i tink it is... so yeah, bought a couple of repair n protect lip balm.. sumtin like tat... n v walld 4 a bit.. lookd around a bit.. as there r not much v can do in summit.. not many shops around, obviously... sunway is waaaayyyyy cooler! defnitely 1 utama is d best! n midvalley is not tat bad either... but yeah, i got wat i needed n tatz wats important...

v talkd quite a lot in summit.. frm school 2 fwenz 2 crappy stuff... v left home approx 215 n went bck at 540 if im not mistaken.. n obvi, if ur in summit ull definitely bump into few cfil students.. which i dun reli look 4ward 2 unless im close 2 tat person...

so tat was hw i spend my day on fri... my last outin b4 college starts! let d countdown begin!

Change of Plan!

So I thought I was goin 2 kdu... but now i actually am goin 2 kyuem.. when i ans peepz q on where i was goin.. i said kyuem (recently..) n they actually would ask me wat is tat n where izit... ive nown bout tis college 4 quite sumtime.. din noe it was actually unpopular wif others..

so actually kyuem is kolej yayasan uem.. it is located in lembah beringin.. n im takin up a levels (econs, maths, history) it is not located in a place like kbu, kdu, etc where it is in d center of d city n such.. but i spose it is a place where students can concentrate on their studies since there arent any distractions.. n well, i wil b stayin there since it is 1 hour drive frm home.. it is compulsory 4 students 2 stay in i guess... n wil b stayin in either an apartment or a chalet.. in each chalet there is 4 rooms n each room is 4 one student.. privacy.. cool! n well, swimming is compulsory there 2 n honsetly speakin its ages since i last swam... i juz hope i dun bcome d idiot in d pool..

so. well.. tatz bout it.. 15 july is registration day.. i guess it is gonna b kinda sad since its my mum's bday at d same time.. n i havent done d bday card yet! im wastin time.. better start doin one now.. so guess ill record wat happens durin orientation once im free! :)