Wednesday, January 19, 2011

my little heaven

i was doin my readin 4 my sisea 242 class.. hee.. as usual, daydreaming and gettin distracted: my specialty ^_^

The past was when the sky was bright
the past was when laughter filled the empty space
the past was when we could run freely like the birds
crossing the green fields and flowers smiling brightly
wind dancing to the rhythm of nature
and us... happiness filled our soul.

what robbed us from our little heaven?
the past i've known tainted with the black yesterday
the lingering taste of happiness has died
red sea on the green field
lifeless bodies lying on this sacred land
children crying and women singing endless song of pain
where is the heaven i once called home?

trying to erase the darkness
as i stood alone at the green field
searching for hope in the blue sky
looking for the light from within the darkness
planting seeds of strength from the buds of sadness.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

waiting... again and again...

waiting can either make or break a person~ i guess it is a bad idea to make a person esp if that person is imp to u but wat makes things harder if u r actly imp 2 tat person jz tat u dun noe it n u sumwat make d other person wait 4 u without intending 2 do so~ as for waitin is concern, it depends on d contxt on hw long i could take it~ bt jz in general... im x a fan of waitin; considerin my lack of patience and temper --> lol --> bad idea XD

cant deny though, durin tat period *long wait* id usually reflect on myself and rethink of my position... wats on d surface mite x b d same wif wats inside... bt at d same time d more i try 2 hid d more it shows, mayb~ and at one point perhaps its best to jz let it flow~ emotions is sumtin which i like 2 equate to water. stop it frm flowing --> build up --> can either later dry up or it cn ruin d dam *d dam being my common sense, maybe* so yeah --> either way its bad; either i numb myself frm feeling it again or i break... lettin it flow puts me in a vulnerable position bt yeah~ id say im x tat gud at it bt well... due 2 my selfishness... i shud do tat sumtimes though d more imp sumtin is 2 me, d more id try 2 hide it bt tink about it again, mayb x 2 much of hiding~ XD ok, i dunno bt well~ i wouldnt do anytin too public... i guess at some point id rather it go unnoticed... ^_^ 난 정말~ 바보처럼~ 근양... at one point it feels like im tryin 2 prtct my own self by doin tat.... though i noe i mite hv hurt myself evn more cz of tat... >.< 지금 어떻게 해야 돼? 기다리지 않으면 슬프고 계속 기다리면 마음이 아프거든~ ㅜ.ㅜ there i go.. talkin nonsense again.. mayb i shud focus on my reading~~~ ^_^

(Glass Heart)
A shattering sound
and i searched for the broken glass
yet these blinded eyes
see nothing but a picture of self
numbed from the chill of cry
and yet the lips were painted with a smile
could a person be buried with deception
to cover a feeling with a feeling
and that deceiver is I
the empty smile on a hollow image of me
continuously bleeding without a sign
as i am the owner of the broken heart of glass.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

no, i'm just writing nonsense~

as usual, i was being a bit emotional after the drama i watched ended~ well, it ended at 1am last night but i only get to sleep at 130-ish because i was reminiscing the whole story~ XD i would say there are some facts found within the context of the drama but i think there are definitely some which was added deliberately in order to make this drama a drama, not a historical documentary~

talking about drama~ on the way back home from school i was thinking *after hours of watching drama* our life is a drama itself~ the curtain was raised as soon as we were born and will be dropped once the time comes... don't you think so? as much as directors used downturns and happiness to stir emotions within the viewers, if we were to reflect upon our previous deeds, we might realize that our life might be more dramatic than the dramatic dramas' that we have watched. T.T --> again another nonsense... but perhaps the reason these events went silently pass us is because it happened within a long period of time throughout our life instead of being shown 1 hour daily or weekly on tv~ time gave us space to think and calm ourselves down before the next major event happens which makes the rush of feelings to not be as intense as the drama~ yes, there are events which remain etched in our hearts and some which remain as painful as when it happened but well~ as time passes by, it will eventually heal a bit and it will help us to be stronger ^_^ as long as a person owns a heart and some conscience, believe it or not~ they could change to be better in the future :)

the small things which happen in life occurs all the time and as in the drama i guess it is true that small events do shape your mind~ and make a big difference~ a simple note or a simple smile from the person important to you could make a big difference... and a simple stare or provocation from the person who you take as your enemy could stir the worst emotions from deep within your heart. i guess i know this quite well because... that is how i am? maybe~ i myself have yet to understand and totally comprehend how my brain works, so~ yeah...

my story has yet to end and so is yours~ there are still a lot of things which we will go through, good or bad, alone or together, but i think we should always remind ourselves that there is always a reason behind each events and we should learn to benefit from each of them despite how painful it is or despite how meaningless it seems to us at first sight~ we are the actor, director but others are the audience. let's continue our small journey and make the best our of everything! ^^ *major rambling*