innocent thought I

The blue sky
Looking with blinded eyes
Silently thinking
“Would I see it change colour?”
And my heart slowly ached.

I saw the flower
Budding in May
And yet
I thought
“Would I ever be able to see it bloom next spring?”
And my soul slowly breaks.

The slow breeze
Singing the song of life
While I, watching
The wilting of self
To a person unknown to others
Unknown to world.

was juz tinkin

Is it possible for a person to never give up in life? Could a person be touched without any contact? How strong could a heart be and how long can the strength last when it has started to crack; the edge of breaking? As silly as it may sound but perhaps I did learn something from what I have watched. Life being taken for granted, that is what we always do. To never look back and only to remember when we are in pain. Before we start losing what we have, we should cherish it more: the ability to breathe, to watch the plants growing, to laugh with family and friends, to feel the breeze around us. To cherish those who offer us love and those whom we offer our love is not a difficult thing to do. And yet, we tend to forget. We move on but at the same time not developing our heart and soul into a better figure. We left the pain we felt before and kept on running away in hopes of forgetting the dark past. However, we forget that the darkness is the tunnel to light. There is where we force ourselves to bloom and to make the best out of what we have. Once we are in the light, again, we forget and fall into the pitch darkness and again we struggle and again we forget. Is that what all of us are good at: an expert at forgetting important things in life? Even the small smile from our loved ones should be treasured. It is not to the extent of counting each smile but perhaps to remember how it looks like and to be grateful to still be able to see it is perhaps something we should really try to do. Why wait for the pain to come then only the feeling of grateful and then regret? Regret comes only to those who fail to live their life to the fullest. Not to say I have no regrets in life (many actually) but I suppose I am trying to move on without leaving my regrets behind. To move on and still remember every second I lived and left. I know how it feels to think that our ultimate dream has gone to pieces, to have to maneuver my course of life into something I do not enjoy. However, life does not alter to your wants or needs. It is there to test you and to teach you to be grateful each and every day: To be more mature and aware in leading ourselves to reach our goals. Yes, we need to make sacrifices but do choose the right choices. Actually, I would prefer to put it this way: do listen to what your heart have to say instead of relying on your senses all the time. Sometimes it is worth listening to your intuition. I know it is. If you are in pain, remember you are never alone. There are others who suffer more than you do and that you always have your friends and family by your side; to be there at all times and listen to what you have to say. Never give up in life for life is there for us to find a way to live in this world not to find the way to death.

d ractar visit =)

After weeks of planning at last we had time 2 go 2 ractar.. we cancelled our visit twice I tink n now we had d time 2 go.. those involved r me, laili, khairil, syamim, reen!, aitidal, hasanah, raihan, nurul, hazmira. We arrived around 1030 coz d transportation did not come.. hmm..sumhow… so reen fetchd all of them n I went wif reen as well.. frm home =)

At first it was intro session… n thn we had ice breaking.. akma n achik was wif me.. both from primary.. cfil.. my primary school too.. akma is in year 6 which achik is in year 2… all of us were given d opportunity 2 conduct our session wif them as we please.. hw I started.. 4 d first half hour (or more) we talkd bout ourselves.. teachers in cfil… n then crap a lil bit ere n there =) –its normal of me 2 do tat- n then I started my eng activities… started out wif spelling bee. Though we mix eng n malay in our comm. But its fine 2 me.. I got them 2 spell n write d words out.. I joined them 2… hihi as usual.. 2 get d fun as well..

D next activity I did was charade.. I get them 2 act out as a few animals n objects n they were definitely shy.. but then, they did it neways… a few mins after charade, reen decided 2 join our group. Soo sorry, bt I 4gotten d name of d 2 gurls… we continued wif charade but tis time there were 4 of us.. hehehe kinda nice… reen def have a knack on torturing kids I tink.. I gottta learn frm her on how 2 do it.. =) reen is def more motherly than me.. im whackier n crazier I spose… =P then sum of d gurls wanted 2 perform.. dances.. nice ones… 1 frm d song sway n d other is tarian kipas.. nice job gals! Next up was raihan singing.. then d kids.. then raihan again.. then d whole lot of us.. =) –malu la suara terlalu ‘sedap’- =P

At last it was 1230.. time 2 go bck home… time 4 them 2 have lunch.. it was shockin hw fast 2 hours passed… we din realized at all… n thn all of us bid each other goodbye.. hasanah’s bag was popular.. a kid kept on takin her bag everywhere… n cried when she gotta part frm hasanah…. Sad, eh? But we njoyd ourselves a lot.. reli2 a lot… khairil was 2… I tink he was in a way touchd when d kids calld him abang… n he was hepi he was able 2 relay his experience 2 those kids.. connectin wif others in a diff way than usual.. nice, rite? relationships r blessing 4 all of us… =)

d journey

Im writing tis a few days after d event coz I dunno y.. mayb xhausted or slightly bz.. finals r indeed comin soon.. so yeah… d delayin process… n nw im typin in college as im drop dead free til sumwhere in d afternoon when things will suddenly get hectic =(

Ok neways… it was a thurs.. last thurs when both hasanah and I went to KL in order to ‘teman’ Kee Hee for her informal interview for Cornell U. we were sposed 2 go 2 d guys office but they ended up meeting in maju junction and both of them had lunch in pizza hut. Thank goodness I went with them coz if not hasanah will b alone around ¾ of the time in kl… we had lunch together.. went to giant (as if we dun stay close enuf 2 giant… huhu.. sebelah casa je…) n I kept on buyin cut fruits.. more cut fruits n more fruits..

Hw did we get there.. taxi!! Kee hee paid d whole things n it made us kinda guilty.. (tnx loadz dear!!) n thn we started walkin around… we hv not even d slightest idea where 2 walk around in kl… I mite b a gurl who have stayd in subang 4 almost all of my life but I nvr take heed on wats around.. sleepyhead, I am.. keep on sleepin in d car.. hehehe =P so we kept on walking (summore it was in d afternoon!!) n reachd d monorel station…

Then we all looked at d route.. where shall we go? Berjaya? Boring.. so we headed to kl sentral straight… n well we walkd there n noticed d walkway was pretty dirty… rubbish all over.. I wonder y do peepz throw rubbish everywhere since it is a place where tourist do come often.. kinda makes a bad image 4 malaysians, aite? It got me thinking.. wat hv bcome of our awareness on cleanliness… if we could keep our house clean all d time (unlike me.. but I hate throwin rubbish in public) y cant we do d same 4 our country.. its our country newayz…

So then we walkd around kl central 4 a few hours.. I saw a fruit stall (happy me!!) n checkd out d price of cherries.. bloody expensive! 80+ per kg! I was soo shockd that I gaspd when I saw d price… quickly recovering frm d shock we got ourselves ice cream!! (yay, my fav!!) n thn we sat coz my feet were aching… reli2 aching (I got a blister neways…) n thn set 2 get our ktm ticket at d machine.. d machine is sooo fussy.. it wouldn’t accept my RM10 coz its slightly crumpled but it swallowed my RM5.. d new RM5 easily.. annoyin machine… there goes my cute, lil RM5… n when we wanted 2 find d platform we got a lil bit lost.. we were finding 4 platform 5 but ended up at d stairs of platform 1 & 2 I tink.. n we were all.. where is platform 5!! Made us look like some.. well… dunno where peepz… like sesat oni.. but then we realized tat d stairs 2 d platform 5 is juz d one opposite where we were standing.. gosh, it was embarrassing!!

After waitin for quite a long time for d ktm it managed to arrive… hehehe… =P we got on n waited to arrive at subang station. Arrived, kee hee askd us out 2 sunway for dinner.. she got us dinner neways… so we were tinking hw shud we go there… n ended up on a bus mini… I thought d bus might hv dropped or netin like tat coz it was in a majorly bad condition.. but well.. we managed 2 arrive safely at sunway despite d bad jam n all.. it was raining n I tink there was a leakage in d bus.. hmm…. Nvm, wats important is we arrived in one piece… =)
In sunway, we walkd around… round n round… n when I go 4 my prayers, both hasanah n kee hee went walkin sumwhere else n they ended up goin 2 d toilet instead of d surau 2 get me after im done prayin… hihihi (hasanah la ni jd guide.. trus sesat =P) we had dinner in mcd… talkd loadz.. n hear both of d gurls tell me an ‘interesting’ dream of theirz.. (oww it’s a secret!) hihi.. but I doubt tat would b true though.. unless… unless… =)

We left sunway at 8pm… it was raining n d jam was overwhelming! We got on a metro bus n well we kinda panicked coz hv no idea where were we heading (so much 4 me being a usj kid) but I noe we were stil in usj.. heheh at least sumtin, rite? N we arrived bck n casa at 9pm I tink… or was it later? I was sooo exhausted by tat time n my feet were aching badly.. d blister! OMG!!! Wasn’t cool at all.. haven’t heald til 2day coz ive been walkin a lot.. in heels summore (but its I tink around 1 inch oni.. not bad 4 my legs rite? It shouldn’t do me any xtra harm aite??) n I gotta decline a dinner invitation coz I was sooo superbly tired.. nevertheless I stil slept at 1130/1200 sumwhere there.. hehehe

Me haven’t been on a public transportation 4 ages was drop dead xcited through out d whole journey.. I tink I was d brightest of all.. though as nite crept in d xcitement died away as exhaustion was takin over my body… so yeah.. nice full day outin! Hehehe njoyd it 2 d max.. =)

The Melancholy (of i today)

Today,
I hear but I did not listen
I see but I did not look
And of the laughter
I only felt pain
when the trembling of my soul
could be detained no longer
and hatred have given birth
from self to fate; of i to I.

Of laughter and smiles; a fake
of pleasure in both
have long been lost
in the mist of grief
as dreams have brought wrath
crucifixion of joy
to lament, eternally.

of Ignorance, I am ashamed,
of Sorrow, I am pained,
but you, seeing from afar
thought silently
"she is just as fine."

Five

On a silent night,
Returning to solitude,
Sitting down; crying.

Four

The Oirase Stream,
Pure as the love of you,
Clear and true.

The singing breeze,
and my eyes locked with yours,
I, lost in beauty.

The little fishes,
Swimming in Shimanto River,
Like playing catch.

yesterday n today

as i was in my room in casa after my prayers, i was browsing through the internet while checkin up whose is on9, who isnt, my profile updates, etc n sumtin crossed my mind.. ive heard bout kyuem since i was in lower secondary i tink.. sumwhere when i was in f3 i tink wait.. younger... f2 or f1... n i was shocked!

d story was like tis.. well.. i noe i got 2 noe nico n pojz a few years b4 tis n used 2 keep in touch wif them n i juz remembered they were frm kyuem.. (i hv a feeling nico is in one of d picz in kyuem prospective student broschure which i still hv till 2day.. hmm) i remembered pojz tellin me he was frm kmys which hv changed into kyuem... n i juz remembered me doin research tryin 2 find out wat is kyuem! wat a coincidence (bak kata aidid...) i remembered bein xcited readin bout kyuem but soon i 4got bout it.. huhu until it juz striked my mind 2day! hw we r all connected.. its kinda weird n makes me wonder..

n nw i tink my brain is kinda slow 2 remember things.. i was smiling away after i finished thinking bout it.. mayb we were meant 2 meet in kyuem.. mayb i was meant 2 set foot in kyuem even 4 a short period.. mayb there is sumtin more 2 d 3 weeks i was in kyuem.. well who noes? hehehe nw im startin 2 ramble again.. but it xcites my emotions 2 noe tat in a way i knew d college although i thought i din... it was partially familiar 2 me though at first it was alien 2 me... it felt almost like i found a new piece in my life puzzle.. which made d whole pic more interestin than i thought it was... n im thankful 4 all ive been thru.. d tears n smiles... d time.. d energy.. n all... -syukur, Alhamdulillah-

found it!!

so 2day i went 2 mydin n guess wat i found!! apricot juice!! cool aite? been cravin 4 tat 4 2 months.. since i left kyuem... i miss tat juice.. n coz teramat la jakun utk rasa d juice.. as soon as i got bck home.. lepas shampoo n mandi n siap.. i sipped d juice.. its kinda diff than kyuem.. kyuem its almost like ur eatin d fruit but tis is very smooth... nice but smooth.. 2 smooth i tink... saje je wanna blog bout tis.. its almost like i found sumtin ive left behind.. mayb i did.. n heck yeah i am grateful 4 it... =)

wastin of time...

Found it at maalini's blog while readin it after ages x checkin.. feel like doin it after chem.. huhuhu =P *ignore d rulez newayz..*

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog. (I'm going to assume that most bloggers would know the basics of this game of tag, at least, but I'm just copy-pasting. :P)

Starting time: 2312

Name: Farah Nur Ain Hushin

Sisters: 1

Brothers: 1

Shoe size: hmm.. between 8 and 9 i guess...

Height: gosh.. 1.54!! -feelin short-

Where do you live: Subang Jaya

Favourite drinks: well.. apricot juice (tnx 2 kyuem) n my all time fav!! lime juice/lemon juice!!

Favourite breakfast: nowadays i keep on eatin bread 4 bfast.. cereal at times 2..

Have you ever
Been on a plane: Yeah... quite a no of times...

Swam in the ocean: Yeah.. wif my cuzins i spose though it was a few years ago...

Fallen asleep at school: Yeah!! OBVI! =P -but guess coz i feel guilty 2 sleep durin class.. i sleep when d teacher is not available... or durin free periods-

Broken some one's heart: guess i did =(

Fell off your chair: ahaha.. almost i guess

Saved e-mails: oh yeahhh... nowadays i keep sum emails 4 filin purposes...

What is your room like: kinda messy.. u wouldnt wanna enter my room b4 i start cleanin it up...

What's right beside you: my bed in d apartment, pillow, hp, calcu, papers, chem notes, eng notes, tudung, begs, college id, apartment pass, pencil boz, my soft toys!, my exam pad.. huhu

What is the last thing you ate: hmm..i tink it was laksa... eh wait.. dried papaya...

Ever had

Chicken pox: yup.. when i was in primary durin ramadhan..

Sore throat: definitely... many times..

Stitches: thank God, no...

Broken nose: havent yet n not intending 2...

Do you

Believe in love at first sight: well..not reli.. coz i spose u gotta luv sum1 3 who they reli r... their qualities than their looks.. though i cant deny i do njoy lookin at sum1 even frm d 1st time i laid my eyes on tat person.. hehehe

Like picnics: kinda fun if u hv d rite company...

Who was/were the last person

You danced with: my sis?

Last made you smile: hahaha evry1 in d apartment..i hv tis habit of smiling out of d blue neways... =)

Today did you

Talk to someone you like: hahaha... wat do u tink? -my fwenz definitely if tatz d context bein askd ere..- :P

Kissed anyone: oh yeah.. my mum.. a peck on d cheek! =)

Get sick: headache as usual...

Talk to an ex: hahaha no ex yet... ne1 wanna b d first?? hehe =P

Miss someone: yupz.. definitely..

Eat: obvi YES!!

Best feeling in the world: knowin tat friendship worth more than anytin else in d world n true ones dun end ezly...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yeah! i have my mini bear-bear n baby kiwi wif me ere in casa subang.. but i change 2 bolster bck home...

What's under your bed: d one in casa... my bags... d one at home.. rubbish!!

Who do you really hate: certain peepz i tink... (there is 1 i cant even hear tat persons voice wout feelin irritated) n d feelin of havin hurt others n not bein able 2 help n straighten things up.. d feelin of bein disabled n lost..

What time is it now: 2323 (nice huh?)

Random

Is there a person who is on your mind now: hahaha.. honestly, yes...

Do you have any siblings: yeah... as mentioned above..

Do you want children: hehehe yeah.. when d time is right i spose...

Do you smile often: i tink peepz at times get shocked y i smile so suddenly.. so yeah..i guess i do smile kinda often

Do you like your hand-writing: depends.. sumtimes is damn ugly..at times its ok..

Are your toe nails painted: nope...

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: d one in d master bedroom seems kinda cool.. but well.. i cn sleep anywhere..so not a prob 2 me! =)

What color shirt are you wearing now: brown

What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: yesterday is saturday... wt was i doin? i tink i was gettin ready 2 pray...

When did you cry last: hmm.. d day i left kyuem i tink... it was bad on 070808 n 080808 but on 100808 i managed 2 control myself... at last.. self control.. it took me hours 2 control myself on 070808

Do you have any pets: used 2 till all committed suicide (reli!!)

Where is the person you have feelings for right now: hahaha feelings?? dlm hutan. haha jk2

Did you hold hands with the person who means anything to you now: yeah.. all my gurlfriends n fam esp my sis.. (mangsa kakak yg baik ati!! MUAHAHAHA)

Do you sleep with the TV on: nah..barely watch it

What are you doing right now: juz finished studyin chem... nw answerin this stuff

Have you ever crawled through a window: nope not intendin 2...

Can you handle the truth: guess soo.. it mite hurt at first but as time flies.. ill take it...n accept it

Are you too forgiving: hmm depends wat d c2ation is like

Are you closer to your mother or father: i guess both.. im kinda attached 2 evry1 in d fam.

Who was the last person you cried in front of: my bro n mum i guess.. d day i signed my jpa contract... (kinda embarrassing 2 admit i cried in front of d officer as well..huhu)

How many people can you say you've really loved: uncountable

Do you eat healthy: ahahah.. tryin 2..

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: n/a (hehehe)

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: nope... there r times when i dun gv a crap wat peepz say bout me... its not worth it u c...

Are you loud or quiet most of the time: loud.. i noe im loud n noisy... tatz y peepz miss me! =P

Are you confident: yeah.. i convince myself 2 b one..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1.studyin like mad
2.writin poems n short (reli2 short) stories
3.started d hobby of hittin people (hahaha)
4.playin firecrackers
5.wearin green uni...

5 things on my to-do list
1.study 4 my tests n finals
2.find a tutor for my foreign language
3.finish up my application form 4 my unis
4.prepare for my toefl
5.plan wat 2 do durin d holz (lookin 4ward 2 it!!)

5 snacks I enjoy
1. fruits
2. dried stuff
3. sour stuff
4. some biscuits
5. instant soup

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1.menunaikan haji!! -wajib 2-
2.donate 2 those un42nate
3.get a house, car, etc
4.eh i 4got.. zakat!
5.gv some 2 my parents (mayb go holz 2gether sumtin like tat)

5 of my bad habits
1.lazy
2.bad temper
3.postponing stuff
4.thinkin 2 much
5.observing peepz?

5places I have lived in
1.johor bahru
2.usj 1
3.usj 2
4.gloucestershire
5.sumwhere in singapore

5 jobs I've had
1.jobless
2.pvt tutor =)
3.teacher
4.editing peepz stuff
5.criticizing sum stuff

-wow.. nw i cn go 2 bed =)-

ke midvalley!

hehehe so tis morn at 11 i went 2 midvalley coz dh janji wif sue!! =)since i arrived slightly b4 sue so i bought d tickets (hsm3) n our movie was due at 1215... so b4 tat, we sat n chat n talked n laughed away... jalan2 cakap2 n then jalan lagi n ckp lg.. n things like tat..

d movie wasnt tat bad.. n amat banyak lagunye.. hehe =) but well i njoyd watchin it wif sue.. guess i would if i were 2 watch it wif any of my fwenz.. ape ye we all talkd about.. loadz n loadz of stuff.. n it made me wish im in kyuem again... i heard bout d scandal on sue n syuk.. ehehe. kinda nice n sweet... (there r sweet scandalz u noe.. :P) not all r nasty...

its juz nice 2 b able 2 c her face again after months of not seein each other.. i noe i miss kyuem damn a lot.. d peepz esp.. but i miss d campus as well (hmm..) so yeah.. keepin in touch is wat im tryin 2 do ere...

ckp pasal keepin in touch..tadi nk mkn kat mid.. evrywhere was full! damn! but wat 2 do.. at last we ended up at d drop-dead-expensive-food-court n i had a feelin its more worth it eatin at secret recipe than there... even d thai restaurant shud do better than tat i tink.. (readin tis para again.. i had no idea wats d cnctn between keepin in touch n makan...)

we parted at i tink 4 sumtin.. sue ke komuter n i went bck home.. n yeah.. i hope sue will come over 2 my hse sumwhere tis dec.. sape lg nk dtg??? hehehe cpt2 btau! sementara offer masih buke!! =P

d trip..

originally i was sposed 2 go 2 ssp wif raihan but then things din go as we planned n well it was cancelled. instead of goin in a bus 2 ssp i went on a bus back 2 casa n mydin XP it was kinda xciting (despite d fact tat d bus driver was bloody scary..) since it have been ages since i went on a public bus.. reli2 long.. n cam jakun skit.. hehehe as in i wanted 2 noe hw am i spose 2 pay 4 d tickets n all n d presence of d driver def did not make things better... agak xciting la..

n then we went 2 mydin n i hv brought d carpet n a room air freshner 2 keep d room fresh!! =) im soo glad i hv done all this things n im currently sittin on d carpet.. hepi gyle!! =) but well.. it sumhow reminds me of when skyn brought d carpet 2 L-48.. n then one da ramai2 ketuk d carpet utk bersihkan dia.. cam pakai purdah sume coz nk elak dr kene habuk XP tat time skyn blik umah so it was juz me, zatie n umu.. hihihi good (not reli old) dayz...

wat i bought in mydin.. juice, dried papaya, carpet n air freshner!! +), ape lg ek.. oh yeah.. instant soup (evrytin is instant ere in casa) well.. i guess tatz all i wanna say 2day... kinda tinkin hw 2 settle my chem lab report.. hmm.. =P

My Little Wish

If I were,
To close my eyes,
Could I turn back time,
And return,
To where I belong?

If I were,
To pray hard and deep,
Could I hear your voice,
And again,
Take in your smile?

I wish,
I am still there,
With you, together
Fly towards the open sky,
Reaching for the same bright star.

reunion L48!! =)

keh3X.. d title says it all... we had tis (not reli a reu actually) but all of us went 2 skyn's hse... zatie, zetot n def umu crashed at skyn's hse 4 3 days i tink n i well.. came over frm 2 til 9.. hehehe 7 jam.. it was reli TRULY fun 2 b able 2 meet up again.. i hv d full pic of L48 but agak bergegar so im waitin 4 zatie.. nnt nk amik frm zatie i tink... then its clearer.. gosh i miss them soooo SOOO much tat i was pratically tellin my parents 2 pick me up l8... ikutkan ati nk join crash umah skyn but ingatkan i was sehelai sepinggang so x jadi la.. =)

wat we did... catch up on stories.. a lil bit of gossipping.. comments on taylorz... n def refreshing memories in kyuem...miss those times... 2 b honest ere in taylorz for months doesnt feel long but bein in kyuem for oni 3 weeks... i cant believe i was there 4 oni 3 weeks.. i calld it home on d 1st week n it felt like i hv been there 4eva.. like i truly belong there...but well.. life has 2 go on.. we cn nvr get evrytin we want in life..

ok bck 2 d reu.. we ate 2gether.. ketawa kuat2 2gether.. potong nasi impit 2gether.. play wif skyn's anak2 buah.. =) best gyle! i wanna draw more bubbles!! big n small ones.. =) n fishy as well.. i thought i was d oni one who calls fishes fishy but looks like im not alone =P kami solat bersama2 jua... tgk skyn yg teramat2 penat n tido pas sume balik... maklum le.. x tido semalaman...

dearest peepz.. ill find a time 4 u guyz 2 crash @ my place plak.. Insya Allah but coz now im stayin in casa n holz pun agak tidak same.. so yeah.. i'll try 2 make things out.. susun btul2.. n tis time kene ajak bihah skali..huhu pet sisku yg tercinta cheewaaahhh... or mayb wat reu our petfam n chalet skali.. wat bout all of us meet up sumwhere sumtime.. gonna b cool.. ill c wat i cn do.. now xm r comin up..sat 2 tis sat, 12 nov chem test, 19 nov maths test, 1st week dec finals, 24th jan sat 1 retake.. huhu.. bz2!!! -being bz doesnt mean i dun hv time 4 my loved ones.. =) miss u guyz n luv u guyz soo much -

Three

As the cloud gathers,
I saw pieces of you,
In my memories

d trip 2 htar.. hmm....

so yeah... 2day we went (d whole fam i mean) 2 htar in klang.. ade la kot a couple of hours there.. reason : my cuzin met an accident. Alhamdulillah, he is gettin better n i pray 4 his speedy recovery... physically, emotionally and spiritually..Insya Allah.. =)

by d time it was 745pm i askd 2 go 2 d surau. i did walk around searchin 4 one and askd d security guard at 2nd floor but i cant understand her instructions (un42nate 4 me) so at d end of d day my uncle took me there.. n on d way 2 d surau i realized i would get lost if i were 2 go wif my sis.. well.. my sense of direction is reli 'good' u c... =P n it was kinda dark and quite quiet d road 2 d surau...

so by d time we finished our prayers, masa lawatan is over... n yeah b4 we could enter d lift 2 d wards, both my uncle and dad got stopped from entering... so called need a pas lawatan sumtin like tat.. when they have taken d pass, they got oni 1 pass which if 4 2 peoples.. conclusion, my sis n i din go up.. we were wondering around wat 2 don things like tat u c... kinda pathetic rite?

so d next thing i askd my sis is whether she wanna eat ice cream.. so i askd d security guard if there is anythin i could buy frm any shop.. n these were wat we bought..




ice cream, mangga n red tea! n both of us lepak2 at d 'taman' n tgh2 makan ade la tikus besar lalu depan both of us.. hahaha i was 2 shocked 2 make any remarks.. sihat walafit d rat idup kat htar... =P ini la rupe bdk mkn ice cream in hospital..



n thn we all dh picnic kat taman di htar pas 2 dh i tink close 2 9 kot.. we went bck home.. im glad my cuzin (abg han) looks fine although he hasnt recovered fully at least he could talk... n i tink tatz wats important n tat he is no longer in ICU.. =) well.. it was a cool trip in htar (hmm.. not reli..) but sumtin new i tink!! =) n yeah.. HAPPY DEEPAVALI!!

mydin

eceh eceh eceh... 2day we went 2 buka puasa in mydin which is located next door 2 casa subang.. reli near... so yeah.. we ate at d food court (6 of us) syamim, laili, aitidal, hasanah, nurul n myself! =) we ate 2gether but went bck in 2 groups.. d 1st group is hasanah, nurul n i and d other 3 d 2nd group coz they wanted 2 pray in d surau at mydin first.. so yeah all of us managed 2 get home safe n sound but tat doenst mean us 3 1st batch went home quietly. we had a couple of guyz buggin us n taggin along wif us til we almost went out of d mydin gate 2 d casa... kinda scary but well i made this slumber face coz i spose if i showed fear than things might hv gotter worse... neways, im prayin hard 4 my n d otherz safety... doa2 dilindungi slalu n dijauhkan dr segala malapetaka... n diberkati slalu! k.. study again!! =)

pose!!! =)

so 2day is d 1st day of my puasa sunat... d 2nd week of syawal n baru nk start pose sunat. bangun pagi2 kul 5 teringat wak2 pose ngan umu kat kyuem. tat time we woke up at 5am and ate bread 2gether. kebetulan, i saw d same bread which i ate wif umu (d toast em with apricot thingy) n i remembered exchanging breads with her (xchange prog) iaitu bread with peanut butter. till 2day i remember d taste.. sumhow it tasted diff (4 ur info i dun njoy peanut butter) but on tat day it tasted reli delicious.. hehehe psychology btul! d taste of sharing n caring n friendship kot.. =) n thn bile nk buka pose we sat outside of d DH 2 hear 4 d azan wif an apple (tatz me!!) in the hand. gosh, miss those times! 4 2day.. as 2 wat 2 buka.. mayb bread n sum vege which im gonna buy downstairz... pagi ni sahur oni 2 pieces of bread, milk n water... previously in kyuem 4 pieces or bread, water n tea.. hahaha... suddenly after remembering wat umu n i had in kyuem i kinda feel full.. of memories i spose... hihi =P

ok, gonna get goin n grab a bath. 5 sumtin near 6... gonna go off9 soon enuf 2! n listen 2 d mp3 instead after tis... n get ready 4 d bus!!! off i go! =)

*setiap pertemuan itu adalah permulaan kepada sebuah perpisahan. kasihilah mereka yg dikelilingmu dgn seikhlas hati agar tidak kelewatan utk menyatakan sayangmu pada mereka.*

current.. now... present...

SAT 1 is over.. waitin 4 SAT 2 now.. din noe its gonna b kinda tough coz d syllabus isn’t exactly like spm.. it is kinda tough u noe.. sob3… been getting oni slightly more than 5 hours of sleep these days… n oh yeah.. im in one of d be_adp committee member though if one were 2 ask me wat is my role I would hv juz given that person d sweetest smile I cn offer n keep my mouth shut.. tat is hw blur I am on my position… u understand rite? Missin things n peepz reli badly nowadays tat it hurts at times… oh yeah it hurts… juz dloaded a few slow songs, luv songs n yg sewaktu dgnnye… in d mood 4 them… =) n I juz got an invitation by my students 2 join their class party… but I kinda feel its gonna b awkward 4 me 2 b there but at d same time I miss them as well… miss being their teacher… reli I do miss those times.. but I miss my times in kyuem more though I look at it wif a smile n a laugh at times that even when im studyin n get stressed up I remember those times n I feel fine again.. cool aite? Hehehe at least sumtin instant 2 reduce stress… =) Friday (10.10.08) was d first time I wore baju kurung in taylorz.. it brings memories 2 wear baju kurung on Friday.. as I remember bihah askin bout my attire in kyuem as always in slacks… hehehe wat 2 do… I hv few baju kurung.. tatz d reason y.. but d collection is increasing but d fact tat most now needs 2 go 4 dry cleaning does make me a lazy bump 2 put them on xcept 4 4mal stuff (which I dun hv any currently…) okiez.. mari la kite sambung blaja sat chem. N maths.. n ne1 who wanna noe d 4mat of sat 1 do ask me… ill b glad 2 help u guyz out! (since its still fresh in my mind at d mo.. =P) n 2 those spm candidates and pre u whom are graduating next year do START searching 4 scholarship now itself.. so tat u dun rush about next year… mayb those takin a levels.. dec is d best time 2 check out.. coz im quite certain there r certain scholarship offers whose datelines are in dec or jan.. I cant remember.. n spm, ur trialz r damn important.. I kinda did badly in mine so it din gv me a chance 2 apply 4 any scholarship wif my trialz.. (guess a C in bio does put u in a disadvantage 2 apply 4 sch., rite?) mayb in dec (if im free..) id place a list of scholarships which cn b found 4 u guyz… =)

Two

Standing alone,
Under blooming cherry blossom,
And I saw you, smiling.

Walking pass you,
Behind the veil of white rain,
And you didn't see me.

One

Tears I give to you
Of summer blooming friendship
Memories embedded.

tarawikh!!

Aidid @ abg cput (by d b-11)! Tat was d first name which passed through my mind as soon as I heard the imam’s voice. Today is d first day I had my tarawikh at d masjid near home… b4 tis have been doin it bck at home… I almost smiled when I heard d imam readin d surah al-Fatihah but since I was struggling to put on my telekung, I cut d smile out and hurriedly concentrated for my prayers. But well.. for a split second it brought sweet memories back to mind… =)

Unlike in surau As-Saad in kyuem, ere I realize there r a lot of spaces between each makmum.. as my sis n I r prayin side by side I tapped her on her shoulder as a way 2 signal her 2 move closer 2 me.. not a prob 4 me 2 do tat 2 my own sis… but well.. d spaces r not super big but there r spaces still… never mind bout it… I juz kinda realize hw much I missed solat jemaah in kyuem.. lepak2 in d surau… (alamak! Terbongkar rahsia :P) getting 2 noe each other in d surau, d usrah… tazkirah (though its kinda hard 2 understand wat d guys r talkin bout frm upstairs) but I noe I missed those times though no denyin I dun go 2 d surau everyday in kyuem… I go there on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and d weekends….. hihihi.. n I thought I had a lot of time 2 reshedule my time in kyuem… hw wrong I was..

As soon as I went bck home n opened my laptop, d first song which played on my sonic stage is keep holding on by avril. Gosh, it brought back memories as this is one of d songs which we could choose frm for batch 11 theme song. I couldn’t help but smile as I hear d song… I miss d gud old days n would never trade it for anything in d whole wide world… but I noe now tat those memories r wat pushing me forward… pegi surau wif zatie, umu, skyn… relax2 kat atas kat dlm surau… check out sape imam n muazzin of d day… baca yaasin same2… al-mathurat… hw we bonded ezly in a few short minutes… n yet hw much I treasure those mins…

As life moves on I realize d true meaning of movin on without regrets in life though u dun get evrytin u wan in life… I had no regrets goin 2 kyuem n perhaps no regrets takin d scholarship either coz I noe its kinda hard 4 us 2 get it… dah rezeki macam 2… kite trime aje =p.. even if I could turn back time I would probably do it d way I did it b4.. but I mite think twice of takin d scholarship… no doubts.. but 4 d time being im contented wif wat I hv now… I noe I haven’t lost any friendships I had bck in kyuem and I noe im getting more friends frm taylorz as well… life is unfair but d unfairness is indeed d teacher to leading a balanced life… so.. luv u all.. zutto…

hmm.. life is unpredictable

well2... i am suddenly unwell.. at first it started wif last sunday.. it almost felt as if my body could not control my body temperature.. it kept on changing.. as in i feel hot at first suddenly cold suddenly a mix of both.. n i was not in a particularly gud condition last week n things juz kept on gettin worse i guess... soon enuf i started 2 get a slight sorethroat.. then i started coughin n then nw im losin my voice.. it is almost missing nw n i keep on coughing nw and then.. x suke bile x sihat, tp dh takdir..terima aje le.. n i cn feel my heartbeat is quite unstable.. mayb a lil bit lack of o2 i spose.. but not a big deal i tink.. well, when u start doin ur work, gettin a lil bit pressured n ur not feelin well.. i tink tatz wat happens.. although there r times i gotta stop n concentrate on my breathing.. but no biggie!! =)

tis week im spose 2 hv a quiz 4 my chem.. n yeah am studyin at d mo.. n next week i hv my maths n chem test.. dun sound cool at all.. n im stil hoping tat fri of raya will b a hol.. at least i can rest 1 day b4 sat 1.. i hope its a holz... i reli hope its a hol..

ape lg ek.. oh yeah, i hope d cards i send ke kyuem dh sampai! i msgd almost evry1 i wrote d kad 2 in order 2 infrom them about it.. kang x pasal2 they din take d card.. so yeah.. hope ill b able 2 make u guyz day up wif those cards!! =P

okies!! study2!!! exam, test n quiz nearby!! JOM HAFAL ANIONS!!!! ^_^

My First Experience : Volleyball

‘This is my first essay which I wrote for my Eng 101, one of the courses I am currently taking for my ADP. It took me approximately 30-40 minutes to write this. To put my experience into words, something which I think is not easy but fun to do. Narrative essays, I mean. Yes, I did go through this but there are certain things which I changed. Just a little bit here and there… and well, I did get 18 out of 20 =)’

Volleyball and I were never meant to be for each other; so I thought. I never had any intentions to play volleyball until one of the Topaz seniors came up to all us juniors and made it compulsory for us to participate in the inter-house competition.

“It is important for all of you to participate and make Topaz the champion. Make us feel proud to have you as a Topazian,” she said.

As soon as the participation form got to my hands, the only space left was for volleyball. I looked around and saw the seniors eyes staring at me, waiting for me to sign up. Reluctantly, I placed my name for volleyball. As soon as I walked out of the hall, I felt like I was in a daze. My legs were moving forward but I think I left a part of me behind. I heard exciting chatters on the upcoming inter-house but I did not listen. I was so worried on how would I perform on that day. Anyway, the competition is the next day at 5.15pm at the volleyball court behind the boys chalet. It made things worse.

The next morning, I woke up earlier than usual. It was still dark and chilly but I was very worried that it woke me up from my slumber. Slowly, I crept out of my bed and started thinking of ‘intelligent’ ways to escape from participating. I was concentrating hard on that until I bumped into my roommate, Sakinah, who smiled at me really brightly. She knew my worries but she had this confident look and voice as she patted my shoulder.

“We are going to make Topaz proud of us. Have faith in yourself as much as we have faith in you.”

Those words stumped me. It made me think and feel something I have never felt before. So, I made up my mind to participate but I will definitely inform my seniors on my lack of experience. Who knows, I might be just a reserve and watch them play?

Approximately at 5.00pm, I went down to the volleyball court with the others. The wind was blowing slowly, as if soothing me from my worries. On the way there, I told my senior about my problem and she told me not to worry. We were ten minutes early and had time to practice. To my eyes, everybody seemed to know about volleyball and I felt inferior. When they started to pass the ball around, I struggled every time it gets to me. Being confused and in pain (for it does hurt playing volleyball) is never a good combination. Nevertheless, I could still hear words of support and see smiles on the faces of my teammates.

Soon enough, the match began. I was the reserve and was told to watch and learn. I can feel the excitement and energy as they played. The others and I at the side started screaming and jumping away while giving support to them. They gave all they had when they played and some started to look exhausted. Some even hurt themselves while playing. I thought to myself, “This does not look good. Is it possible that I need to play as well? What am I to do? Am I going to make a fool of myself?”

As these thoughts started to rush in my brain, I heard my name being called and cheers at the background. Is it because… In a daze, I walked onto the court and things started to get blurry. I tried to concentrate really hard on the ball and somehow I felt no pain when I hit it. Was I in a déjà vu? I know I was running to catch the ball, and so were my teammates. By the time things started to make sense, the match was over. I stood quietly and all of a sudden people were cheering and gathered near me.

“We won! We made it!”

Then, I knew what was happening. We were all hurled up together and definitely, smelled of sweat. All of us started screaming away and even the boys joined us. The taste of victory is definitely sweet and it lingered for the whole night. You can see us smiling and laughing the whole day that some might think the victory had caused us our senses.

It was indeed very exhausting but I felt proud not only of myself but also of others. I never imagined I could contribute to my house in that way especially since sports is not my cup of tea. The support I gained from my friends is invaluable for it made me stronger and proved to me that nothing is impossible in life. I now know that we should never turn our backs on anything until we give it a try. To never give up even when things do not seem to go the way you want it to be. However, the most important lesson I learned from my first time with volleyball is that I am never alone; there will always be somebody to hold my hand and guide me towards a better future and will always be there to spice up and add more colors to beautify my life.

aku, kamu dan kiwi

semalam b4 goin 2 aunty ramlah's house.. i ate a kiwi! well, i kinda luv d gold kiwi n it kinda brought memories though at tat time we had oni green kiwis..

in L48.. sape ek ade.. definitely all L48 peepz n i cant remember sape lg ade at tat time but wats important is zetot ade la.. kebetulan tat week i brought kiwi bck 2 college n well.. alang2 ramai2 datang so we ate them together... n well ingat lagi zetot kate lame x makan kiwi... hihihi

spi skrang if mkn ne type of kiwi.. ill b smilin away n d first person who will cross my mind is zetot! hihi.. kinda nostalgic.. but well yeah.. i spose there r things which i dun 4get ezly... n i spose i still miss those times... missing wif a smile =)

d day b4 ramadhan!

okies! 2mr is bulan ramadhan.. selepas maghrib ni.. n then pas isyak dh start tarawikh! rindu dgn solat tarawikh.. but ive never tried 21 rakaat.. sblm ni buat 8 + 3 aje... but tis year nk try khatam dlm masa sebulan nih.. doa2nya impian akan menjadi kenyataan.. Insya Allah..

pape pun, its one day b4 puasa n my mum mentioned sumtin about it being hari mantai (i noe its sumtin like tat, coz i related it 2 bantai...hmm...) n i was practically cleaning up the cow's stomach b4 being cookd... it took me ages 2 clean it up coz it aint ez.. inclusive of cutting it n all.. n then masak lemak cili api! its damn tasty! mayb coz i hv always loved spicy food but it isnt tat spicy coz my fam members dun consume spicy stuff.. d history of me being able 2 eat spicy n hot food is due 2 d fact tat i stayd wif my aunt n grandma n uncle when i was a baby (not reli a baby, but mayb small i spose.. reli small...) n they kinda let me taste d hot stuff.. so yeah, til 2day! =)

so we r gonna hv a special dinner.. tadi breakfast we had nasi tomato.. n sum lauk... n 2nite gonna b nasi impit n perut n i dunno wat else... macam raya kan!! hihi.. i cn feel d semangat in me! i hv been semangat-ed 4 quite some time... its kinda addictive n long lasting (tp btul cakap farzan, kinda exhausting though d semangat nvr dies..)

our journey durin ramadhan will begin soon.. ramadhan hanya setahun sekali, beribadatlah dengan seikhlas jiwa agar ibadatmu diterima Allah. jgn ibadahmu sekadar utk mengikut atau menunjuk, nescaya bala menanti dirimu di sana... jgn tangguhkan ibadahmu ke tahun akn datang, krn masa seseorang itu tiada ketahuan melainkan hanya yang Maha Esa. so, bersama2 kita mengharungi cabaran Ramadhan!

its gudbye 4 real.. kyuem...

So I went 4 d cp nite on d 29th of august.. n ive had tis feeling since I came ere… tis is gonna b d last time I will b entering d college… tis time its real. A true farewell 2 d college but not those in d college I spose.. 4 me 2 come over 2 kyuem after tis is, I dun hv a solid reason 2 stay overnight again… I mean it wouldn’t b fun 2 juz hang out a day n go home by dark.. so yeah… guess its better meetin outside…

Met various peepz back ere… sum of them said hi normally at first n then when they realized its me they go like ‘EH!!’ n ill b smiling away again n I tink ive answerd d same q over n over again… hw is taylors n things like tat.. not 4gettin which is better.. kyuem or taylorz… ill make it clear ere again, ill always go 4 kyuem coz of d environment n activites n community but nw im in taylors n I gotta study hard 2 achieve my dreams… let kyuem b my inspiration 2 move 4ward. Let kyuem b d base of my dreams n taylors d place 4 me 2 jump higher. Sumtin like tat.. if u dun have a strong foundation, it is almost impossible 4 u 2 move forward….

At d end of d nite, I njoyd d cp! N yeah, wondered wat will I b doin if im stil there.. not sumtin I recommend u 2 do if ur missing tat place but well, it gave me smiles instead of tears.. I cn imagine myself doin sum crappy stuff n things like tat n panicking as well.. =) there were quite a crowd, even d seniors joind us watching.. batch 11 is kinda cool.. n yeah, sempat amik gambar ngan najib, faye n azri lagi kat depan hall… sesi camwhoring… hihihi

I went bck n started studydin again (yeah…sat sake…) till 1230 or sumtin like tat… n then I went 2 bed n woke up at 645.. gosh tatz late, rite.. but I was kinda exhausted… I hv no idea y.. not 2 say I was active or anytin tat nite mayb coz I used my feelings n brains excessively… (did i??) but I did manage 2 finish a sat test… n I tink when I get bck 2 my apartment, im gonna grab my other sat book… finish both books up! Its important!!

Im typing tis in college but I am goin 2 post tis at nite I tink.. when I get internet access again… its 1106am n I juz came bck frm d café.. been stayin there since 816 n got my bfast and study there… (again) I was glad I came back.. I found d part of me n yet im leavin it behind again but tis time im leaving it wif a smile on my face.. im glad I met u guys again… I truly am glad (xcept x dpt jumpe kak maji…) but there is a slight frustration in my tiny lil heart..n tis have been pondering in my mind since after cp.. n it will not fade away till I do sumtin… sumtin about it… but I dun hv d heart to coz it mite cause pain ( I dun mind if d pain is mine) and well… yeah, pain is not sumtin gud esp when u gotta gv ur full concentration 2 sumtin… I noe hw does it feels 2 b distracted frm doin sumtin important n hw guilty u feel after tat… so im stil tinkin whether 2 do or not 2 do…

I have verbal class frm 2 – 5… oh yeah, tnx boys 4 sittin wif me at d café juz now… lepak2 while asking bout me =) n sat n adp n d stuff bout studies.. hihi.. .lame sangat blaja my brain almost dried up… so now im waiting 4 my mum n bro 2 pick me up… I hope wat im feeling now will last 4eva inclusive of d frustration im feeling… coz it makes me feel incomplete n motivates me 2 find a way 2 complete tis feeling… so im goin home 4 gud frm kyuem… jauh d mata dekat di ati… friendships do last 4eva if u wish 4 it 2 last… if u reach your hands out n hold on tight to them… memories do last 4eva if u wish it 2 last.. if u teach urself 2 learn n 2 seek joy in them… feelings of luv do last 4eva if u wish it 2 lat… if u make it inspire u 2 move 4ward n 2 always give it a chance 2 bloom… dun face ur back against ur own true feelings, though it hurts, embrace it n b proud of it.. express it n ull b juz fine… trust me! ;P

*OH YEAH!! GUD LUCK SENIORS WIF UR TRIALS!! N SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN AL MUBARAK.. BERSAMA2 KITA MEMERIAHKAN BULAN MULIA INI DENGAN AMAL IBADAT YANG TULUS DARI JIWA YANG SATU*

d dream...

2day.. as soon as i woke up i thought 2 myself... gosh, i gotta blog bout tis... i kinda juz woke up (lepas subuh tido blik... ingat subuh ooo.. asal ntah ari ni rase penat gyle) approx 0910 and well... i got tis weird dream... not reli weird actually but it left me feeling perplexed as soon as i woke up n gave me a fresh start 2 my day..

so well... d dream seemd like a reality 2 me.. d location is in kyuem.. reli peepz! n d stuff in it d walkway, chalet, dh, acad block was exactly d same as d real one.. i hv tis habit when i dream it usually alters sumtin frm reality.. diff wall color, diff positionin but tis time its so real (one of d reason i felt confused...) n yeah.. i met sum of u peepz frm college as well.. i hv vague memories on who i met but i tink i did identify sum of u.. yg cnfrm ade is neighbour, maalini, kak maji n well.. ade lagi la a few... n its almost like a silent movie... i dunno whether u guyz spoke but i tink u did but i cant hear wat were we talkin bout.. n i was wondering around campus (not reli wondering.. ) i was walking around campus wif a purpose (in d dream i noe y am i walkin around but i myself hv no idea wat izit) n i tell myself i gotta get things done...

n then i woke up! as soon as i woke up i was staring at d wall n hugging my bolster n then i saw my sis n then i was rolling on d bed n was tinkin.. wat is tis feeling.. it felt so diff then wat i felt b4... its a mix of excitement, miss, love, n wateva else! a fraction of me felt like crying when d other part of me was contented wif wat i dreamt of and a fraction of me was confused on wat i juz went thru..

i noe d dream is no perminition or anytin like tat... but still.. it gave an impact 2 me and well... i dunno..

let d sufferings begin!

so tis morning i had my first SAT I diagnostic test... its kinda tough due 2 d time constraint.. d test itself is close 2 4 hours n it has 10 parts in it... it mite sound kinda long but actually i skipped several questions coz i din wanna waste 2 much time on 1 q... 6 parts r 25 minutes each, 2 parts 20 minutes each n d last one is 10 mins.. in d actual sat there is another experimental part but since it is not counted in d marks of d xm.. so i spose there is no trials 4 tat part..

i was at d princeton review in kl frm 9am til 5pm.. d xm was frm 9-1, break 1 hour n frm 2-5 i had my english class... it sounded long but coz d essay 4mat is kinda diff n we talkd a lot in class (since benjamin insisted on not having d class quiet) so we dun reli feel time passing by... n yeah, this is d hw list 4 d first class :

1) grading the essay (page 214 - 223)
2) grading of statements in essay (page 228 - 249)
3) write a summary of a novel
4) finish up test 1 and test 2
5) write 4 essays (d topics r given....)
6) memories all words listed in d manual (lets c.. approx 360 words!!)

n all of tis shud b done by fri morning as i hv classes on sat!!! cool aite? i tink im suffering more now compared 2 havin 2 do a levels! gudness! do pray 4 me tat i dun lose my mind by d end of d day... when tis semester is over i shud b free again.. so now! chop2 letz study!!

Me in Taylors

I was sitting alone in d library and suddenly I felt so sad and lonely.. A feeling of emptiness which I have nvr reli felt b4.. its as if a part of me is missing somewhere... I noe where is dat part of me n i hv no intentions on taking it back.. d prob is now.. i wanna learn hw 2 look at d imperfect life of mine wif a smile on my face instead of tears rolling down my cheeks... i believe tat d imperfectness is wat makes u unique... n hence make us wanna get 2 noe others n build relationships in order 2 perfect our picture of life..

so, i have been pondering on these few questions these past few days.. Is taking d best option d right choice 4 me? I mean I cant go around pretending im fine wif all of these when there r times i wish hard (n i mean reli hard) i could turn bck time n undo wat ive done... how attached am i 2 kyuem and how much have it hurt me 2 part frm college? how hurt am i at d mo n y am i tat hurt? izit reli coz of d college or izit d relationship or izit of sumtin which i juz dun c? im tryin my level best 2 evaluate myself in order 2 b totally n fully me again.. nw even when i smile n laugh im very conscious of wat im doin.. im not able 2 do them openly like hw i did it b4.. each n evry single minute seems 2 b passing by me n ive been watchin myself 'acting'...

no intentions 2 let any of u go nor will i eva 4get our memories n time 2gether but i gotta find d strength in those memories 2 motivate me 2 move 4ward.. i noe there r times when i remember kyuem ill become a major study freak (i hv my pride being a kyuem student n definitely a topazian n wanna show them wat ive learnt frm there) but at times it made me stop movin 4ward... but im stil tryin 2 work things out n gotta b fast as d first major exam is tis october.. on d 4th of raya summore! (soon!!!! n my 2nd major xm is in november!! no raya 4 me at all!)

d depression is still there but wat i ask frm evry1 is 2 lend me ur stregth n well.. plz b a part of me as much as ur a part of me 2.. (wat am i bragging now.. suddenly very sentimental..) luv u guys soo much tat it hurts 2 b missing u guys all d time but wout it i tink i would break a part... now i spose ill make u guys, him.. hehehe ;p n my fam as my inspiration 2 move 4ward i spose... n work hard 2wards ivy league!

wish me all d best n i pray 4 our success! Luv u guyz alwayz... n fwenz 4eva n keep in touch n miss me n miss ya 2... n tell me when there is college trip 2 midvalley or newhere then i can come n meet u guys there!

slight depression...

so i went 2 taylors 2day n got a special briefing frm d students services manager for d department of ADP... so yeah, things r goin quite ok since i havent reli made any friends yet xcept 4 d old ones.. hehehe n i did meet another 2 mara scholars but sumhow i cant remember their names (its sooo typical me 2 not remember peepz name easily)

so exam schedule.. since i wanna apply 4 ivy league uni i gotta take my SAT papers... n acc 2 their schedule i gotta take my SAT II in sept n SAT I in dec.. but im kinda intending 2 postpone my SAT II in nov while my SAT I forward in oct... i hope its possible n in a way in can reduce my stress as in i hv more time 2 prepare my SAT n i dun need 2 rush wif d princeton review peepz in order 2 get my SAT mock exams goin as well as d workshops... i hv approx 5 days workshop n 4 mock exams... which gonna commence soon.. like reli soon... n at tat time, my schedule will b reli 'cool'..

wat else ya... hmm.. i gotta get my CV ready by 2mr coz in thurs i hv tis workshop on CV n we mite need 2 hand in our CV so tat our lecturers can hv a look at them.. un42nately, im not reli ready 2 do it since i hv nvr spied on US uni n yeah.. it gave me a headache tis afternoon when i checkd on them.. i guess ill start things frm scratch 2mr... sounds cool 2 me since i wanna do more SAT exercises 2nite but mayb after 10 or so ill start doin CV research esp on which is d best place 2 go, etc

so yeah... lookin 4ward 2 CP nite... ive contacted pn rosni n she said she will ask pn rog if i can come over tat nite.. i hope i cn.. wanna watch batch 11 perform.. n definitely meet up wif my beloved chaletmates, seniors n batchmates... miss u guys loadz!!!

n here i go again...

so 2day i went 2 taylors 4 d registration thingy... n i cant stop myself frm comparing kyuem with taylors... n well i spose u noe who i will side wif.. ;p quite obvi isnt it... (unless if tis is d first time u read my blogs, then well....)

nw im gonna move out of home (again) n well start my adp prog in taylors... i tink tatz d main reason i din get 2 continue my studies in kyuem, coz of d adp prob.. goin 2 us thingy.. d accommodation 2 home is practically less than 5 mins drive.. its beside mydin n giant (no prob findin 4 food!! =p) n i juz remembered i hv a fwen who is currently in taylors n under jpa as well. juz contacted him n he said things r fine at d apartment.. so 2mr ill get a new roommate n a new place 2 call... i dun tink ill eva regard it as home as im gonna go bck home almost evry week... since its damn close... n well... i dunno y... izit possible i hv closed my heart? as in i accept my placement in taylors but i dun embrace it?

2mr i hv sum briefings n i gotta prepare myself 4 my SAT which will commence tis october... so yeah, mock n things like tat i spose.. n there is a possibility im gonna seat for an eng test (again) 2 get 2 noe my current eng standard... so i spose tatz all 4 2nite.. i kinda 4gotten wat else i wanna talk about... (gettin old.. hehehe) n i gotta study 4 sat!! i got a book n doin sum of d q on9 as well... so.. til then!! cheerz!!!

p/s - ive written 2 poems (one in malay n d other in eng) n im kinda proud of it coz
its been sumtime since ive written seriously... hihihi

d end or d beginning?

first of all.. tnx maalini 4 d special blog n msg 4 me! luv u loadz... taylors pun taylors la.. i tink i kene curse coz pn rog always mention taylors... hahaha

so yeah.. nw im heading 2 taylors.. tnx 2 jpa... i mite b studyin in taylors but deep down kyuem will always hv a place in me... n ill alwayz treasure topaz 4 d rest of my life though ive been there 4 less than 1 month...

time defines nutin..4 time is yet another medium of measurement which lacks accuracy.. so yeah, i get used 2 evry1 in kyuem n attachd 2 them faster than i tink i could! shocking but yet... yeah... n 2day... i was able 2 control myself though tears did roll down my cheeks 4 a few seconds n then i was fine again... so i spose 2day at approx 5 sumtin it was d end of me bein an official student of kyuem.. n by 9 am 2mr its d beginning of me studyin in taylors n well.. ill alwayz remember 7 + 8 aug as those were d dates which brought most pain 2 me 4 d time being...

but i spose distance wont d any harm as long as v hv each other supportin frm far.. ill miss evry1 in kyuem n hope 2 adapt 2 taylors asap n well do well in my exams!

d confusion...

d confusion is beginning... i tink i got a major brain block tis evening.. i practically was cryin 4 hours 2day (d first time in my life!!!) now.. let d story begin..

approx 5pm i got a phone call frm jpa n they told me i got their scholarship n im sposed 2 start in taylors tis 12th of aug... i tink tat lady expected me 2 cry wif joy instead i gave her a lame 'oh...' n sounded kinda dissappointed.. n yeah, i was! heck i thought.. y now when im gettin attachd 2 d college.. when im so used 2 bein in kyuem (though its barely even 1 month.. no doubts..) d college is now part of me as much as i am a part of d college itself..

i noe im sposed 2 b reli majorly gratefulo 4 gettin d offer but in a way i wasnt.. i noe its almost like a once in a lifetime thingy but yet.. i wasnt tat happy when i got d news.. i practically was reli dissappointed instead.. i tink its coz they mentioned tat i need 2 start my studies in taylors.. n i dun feel like goin there.. although i hv loadz of cfil fwenz there.. but its 2 diff frm kyuem.. 2 diff! no more topaz!!! x best!!! :(

2mr im goin 2 jpa... doa2 i cn cont in kyuem.. if not.. im gonna miss evrytin n end up cursin my life 4 d first few months in taylors... i reli wil do tat i tink.. im prayin reli hard.. reli2 hard... 2 stay in kyuem.. hahaha.. 2mr is d day n i hope things wil turn out d way i want it 2 b!!!!!!!!! Insya ALLAH!

d topaz welcoming party... =p

well... well... well... at last d welcoming party is over... it is one of d traditions in kyuem 4 juniors.. all of us r grouped in a pet family acc 2 our houses... so yeah.. at d mo.. i have 2 pet sibs (skyn n han) n a pet sis (nabihah) n a pet bro (acap).. sumtin like tat.. its a tiny family but well.. its d same no of family members like my own fam.. its kinda cute u c...

so b4 tis welcoming party, we got letters frm both our pet sis n pet bro.. n we r expected 2 find out who our pet sibs r n which seniors r assigned 2 us.. since d age gap is small.. sum not even one year... coz sum r of my age... i guess... d way we think r almost d same n yeah... we will hv each other 2 guide us 2 d best path we can take in life.. d best doesnt mean it needs 2 b d most perfect.. it can b d worse path u can go thru but at d end of d day u learn a lot.. its better in tat manner rather than 2 lead a life full of happiness wout tasting d bitterness in life n at in d end not understanding d true meaning of life.. nor wil u eva b grateful 4 wat u have...

wat happened 2nite is all of us had dinner 2gether! d guys practically lined up 4 d food but sum of us let them take first n waited 4 d line 2 get shorter... save energy! :) n then solat isyak... then d party begins! well.. we went 2 LT 1 n Mr J gave a welcoming speech 4 all us juniors... welcomin all d new topazians, sumtin like tat :) n then d seniors did d chicken dance which was sooo cute! n they ushered all of us 2 join them.. even cuter...

next was d journey 2 find our new family... we walkd a lot... n on d way 2 our secret destination d seniors played around wif us... tickling, ice.. splashes of water.. n due 2 d fact tat we dun get 2 find our pet bro/sis we get soaked.. it doesnt reli matter what was d content but it was definitely fun n cool! it mite sound scary at first n mite sound weird 2 those out there who dun xperience it themselves.. but it was cool... reli cool n interesting... tnx 2 d topaz seniors 4 evrytin.. frm kak maji 2 afi 2 d others... tnx loadz 4 makin it happen... luv u guys, n gurls definitely!

as soon as i get bck... trus mandi n rendam baju.. i tink ill wash them 2mr nite.. let it get soaked overnite i spose... hehehe.. 4 cleaning purposes.. nutin much... n then now im actually sposed 2 prepare 4 my econs presentation but cant resist 2 talk bout tis though i din talk bout it in details.. its hard 2 put it in words.. all i noe is tat i had lotz n lots n LOTZ of fun 2nite.. n once again... TNX 2 ALL TOPAZIANS 4 EVRYTIN!

MCB is over!

So yeah, d minggu citra budaya in kyuem juz ended 2nite… d whole week there r special activities n things like tat… I was practically involved with pantun n honestly I think I freaked up n was d worst among d rest! Seriously! No joke.. n its my first time doin pantun as well.. its different than joinin pidato or perbahasan 4 d first time.. mayb coz it needs me 2 utilise and reli ransack my brain 4 cool n beautiful vocabs for d pantun.. unlike d other 2..

But 2 our pleasure (our = topazians!) d pantun team did win! We r d champion! Cool isn’t it? But yeah.. I was so shocked n im in total debt 2 both teammates of mine mahfuzah @ muffin n amir.. another thing bout me is I keep on calling amir ariff.. there is definitely sumtin wrong wif my tiny minute brain… getting more damaged over time I guess..

2nite we had d closing ceremony.. sapphire won d whole thing n me as well as a couple of my topazian mates (mahfuzah n fathiyah) were kinda teased by our sapphirian friends.. doesn’t matter… wat matters most is I noe hw hard d whole of TOPAZ workd throughout this whole week n definitely winning is a plus point in havin tis week but wat matters most is tat we r bonding reli well among us topazians… ;) neways, our boria did get 2nd place, as well as galah panjang n umm.. baling selipar if im not mistaken.. not tat bad either! :)

Okies.. there is a test 2mr.. maths! N I haven’t studied 4 it yet.. gotta start studying!

back home!

so well.. its been almost 2 weeks im in kyuem and at d moment im back home.. n practically listening 2 3 songs... d world's greatest, keep holding on as well as my BATCH songs which is standing in d eyes of d world.. b4 tis.. all 3 songs were juz songs 2 me but now since it is tied wif memories frm my college i guess ill alwayz cherish these songs.. though d worlds greatest belongs 2 batch 10 n keep holding on belongs 2 no1 but i guess all 3 songs r important 2 me now...

on wed nite v had tis batch anniversary 4 our batch 10 seniors.. at d end of d celebration d seniors were singing their batch song n it practically touched my heart.. i dunno y.. n d face which i remember most is d president of d students council which is ariff.. mayb coz he was standing in d middle so yeah, he was d first i spotted... n then my dear friend of mine as well, amira... reli havin fun... they look soo close 2 each other tat it made me feel sumtin deep down inside...

ok so now im bck home.. i miss my bed.. my beloved bolster n definitely my ducky which i usually hug evry nite when i go 2 bed.. i also brought home all my hw.. n i reli mean all.. frm maths 2 history 2 english... (havent started eng lessons but there is alredi hw!!) i juz came bck n im goin shoppin these weekends... need 2 get a new bag 4 classes, new pair of shoes n at d same time try 2 figure out who r my pet familiy members.. im gonna call all of them my pet2 4 d time bein.. juz til i find out who they r..

so yeah, juz nw farah eliza came n fetch me wif my bro n mum n d 3 of us met afi coz farah noes afi... i nvr knew tat n yeah afi is my house captain.. wat a small world...

okies, now loadz of stuff r circulating around kyuem.. guess im in2 d college alredi! :)

d first week! :)

So, well… im now in kyuem… although its no denying tat it is not located at one of d best locations as in its reli reli in d middle of nowhere but I guess it is kinda cool if u juz need a place 2 study..

Induction week is stil on.. its frm last tues tilt is tues… n on tues nite I wil b getting my schedule… it has been a seriously bz week… woke up at 530am n sleep at 12++ or even 1am… d seniors reli did make our schedule pack.. n in a way I believe there is a gud reason for tis.. which is 2 make us feel warm, welcomed n definitely not 2 miss home tat much.. esp wif tis kinda new env… if they dun keep us bz.. some of us ere mite end up not bein able 2 focus on preparing ourself 2 study ere in college n b home sick all d time… so though it is tiring… n I mean SUPER TIRING.. but in a way im glad its there… though I cant deny tat induction week did scare me up.. by d sound of it… if oni u cud c hw I worried 4 it.. n when its about 2 end… I tink ill always treasure tis week 4eva… getting 2 noe others n seniors, its cool…

As for hw d week is being done… well, its kinda simple.. all 176 (I tink..) of us r divided into 15 groups… well, im in group 4 n my facilitators r nonnel n zatesa.. cool peepz both of them… glad had them as my facis but d other seniors r cool as well.. no doubt… but mayb coz nonnel n zatesa r my fascis so perhaps tatz wat make me remember them better I tink… activites comprises frm physical ones… mentally challenging ones n yes, a mixture of both 2… but overall, its kinda fun except d part where I gotta wake up extremely early unlike those 7 month lazing at home… hehehe

Its raining quite heavily at d moment.. tatz y I hv sum free time at d mo.. soon enuf im gonna get ready 2 go for dinner n prayers… oh yeah, I hv 4 chalet mates which r umu, zati n skyn@sakinah.. Cool mates… nice ones… always comfortin 2 b wif them…

Wat else… wat else.. I guess nutin much.. I cant b xplainin all bout d activities bein done.. gonna take ages n ages n ages… but all I can say is im gonna treasure tis week 4eva… so yeah, lookin 4ward 4 my classes n startin my college life (startin..coz I haven’t been able 2 digest tat I AM in college now..)

d day out!

so today.. its a friday dated.. umm... umm... izit 10? since i havent started my college n finishd school n work.. ive nvr remembered wats d date... n at times day 2! all i noe is tat tis comin tues is 15th july.. n tatz bout it.. lame n definitely, pathetic rite? it makes me feel idiotic... not rememberin d date n all

so 2day i went out wif farah eliza.. (hidup farah kuasa dua!!) 2 summit... not a real fancy place 2 go but its d nearest 2 home n tat wil do us quite good... so v went out 2gether n farah belanja me evrytin.. it reli did shock me n countless times i askd her not 2 (frm meal 2 ticket n even bought me a bookmark! 2 sweet of her!) i so feel ind debt wif her n definitely grateful 4 wat she did 4 me..

so wat we did was watch a movie.. journey 2 d centre of d earth... its quite a fun movie... though illogical but its entertaining.. d visual is good n d casts r cool... i mean 2 me they did an excellent job... both of us felt d same way.. it was hillarious n din bore us at all.. though at d beginning it was quite slow... but well, it wasnt a bad movie at all.. tat i can assure...

b4 tat we had our lunch at kfc n went 2 mph.. as well as d pharmacy 2 get myself a couple of lipbalm... prevention frm dried lips i spose.. my lips r startin 2 get dried these few days.. i tink it is... so yeah, bought a couple of repair n protect lip balm.. sumtin like tat... n v walld 4 a bit.. lookd around a bit.. as there r not much v can do in summit.. not many shops around, obviously... sunway is waaaayyyyy cooler! defnitely 1 utama is d best! n midvalley is not tat bad either... but yeah, i got wat i needed n tatz wats important...

v talkd quite a lot in summit.. frm school 2 fwenz 2 crappy stuff... v left home approx 215 n went bck at 540 if im not mistaken.. n obvi, if ur in summit ull definitely bump into few cfil students.. which i dun reli look 4ward 2 unless im close 2 tat person...

so tat was hw i spend my day on fri... my last outin b4 college starts! let d countdown begin!

Change of Plan!

So I thought I was goin 2 kdu... but now i actually am goin 2 kyuem.. when i ans peepz q on where i was goin.. i said kyuem (recently..) n they actually would ask me wat is tat n where izit... ive nown bout tis college 4 quite sumtime.. din noe it was actually unpopular wif others..

so actually kyuem is kolej yayasan uem.. it is located in lembah beringin.. n im takin up a levels (econs, maths, history) it is not located in a place like kbu, kdu, etc where it is in d center of d city n such.. but i spose it is a place where students can concentrate on their studies since there arent any distractions.. n well, i wil b stayin there since it is 1 hour drive frm home.. it is compulsory 4 students 2 stay in i guess... n wil b stayin in either an apartment or a chalet.. in each chalet there is 4 rooms n each room is 4 one student.. privacy.. cool! n well, swimming is compulsory there 2 n honsetly speakin its ages since i last swam... i juz hope i dun bcome d idiot in d pool..

so. well.. tatz bout it.. 15 july is registration day.. i guess it is gonna b kinda sad since its my mum's bday at d same time.. n i havent done d bday card yet! im wastin time.. better start doin one now.. so guess ill record wat happens durin orientation once im free! :)

Evry1 is gone!

well, literally speakin d title is almost true.. not 2 say evry1 hs gone missing but well, not evry1 reli.. but almosy evrybody is startin their studies! nw ill b left alone soon... but i wil alwayz have farah eliza since she wil b around til september..

lets c... who hs started.. almost evry1 is gonna start their studies soon! inclusive of farzan, mas, reen, khairul, nabil, iylia, athina, iz.. evry1! even kavi is in nz now... n i wil b startin oni tis 15th july... which is almost d last person 2 start.. i noe janet wil b startin sumwhere in august.. n yeah a change of plan, instead of goin 2 kdu ill b leavin 4 kyuem.. but im stil waitin 4 d offer letter.. i sent my application form n at d mo stil waitin 4 d offer letter.. i hope there is stil place 4 me.. juz one tiny place 4 me.. (yeah2..so called tiny place 4 me...)

i got an economics textbook frm a friend of mine.. it is seriously thick but i gotta believe in myself tat i cn do it as much as i believe my friends wil b able 2 succeed in wateva field they r in.. frm tesl 2 engineering 2 medic 2 dentistry 2 econs 2 law.. n wateva more... lots of field n i kinda found d rite path 4 me though im still keepin my options open... wateva comes 2 me n if its suitable ill definitely take it!

so d countdown begins 4 me 2 leave 4 lembah beringin n i shall bid my fellow friends sayonara n gambatte kudassai! :)

Cfill Open Day.

it was cfil open day.. well, unlike open days in colleges, uni, etc.. tis is d day parents go 2 d school n get feedbacks on their child's behaviour n take bck d report card n all sorts of things.. this is d day where certain students of cfil fear d most...u cn tell when students juz dun want their parents 2 noe wat they did in school..

d open day starts at 4 pm but it was raining reli heavily b4 tat.. so we went 2 school at 5.oo pm... un42nately, all d other classes were empty, as in not many parents left but my sis class was ful of parents! well, i din go alone so i left my mum in d classroom n went around wif megan.. i met her mother n all 3 of us were talkin happily.. chit chatting n yeah at d same time sweating. i thought it would b cool after rain but it was soo hot tat i was sweatin madly.. we talkd bout all kinds of stuff frm school 2 colleges 2 d current issues.. it was cool n d best is megan n her mum as well as her sis.. they look so alike! its alomst unlike me n my siblings.. i look d most different among them.. at least peepz cn tell my bro n sis r siblings but not me.. =(

i also met a few of my students.. darrel, thina, faris, paran n a few more 2g guys.. n i even had a drink wif kak diyana n met en zuraimi.. talkd wif few of them.. sposed 2 meet faris but 4got bout it so smsd him.. he got 71 for kh! tinggi 2.. im soo proud of him.. even my other students frm fail got c for science.. im so happy 4 them... reli happy... n i miss them too...

we went bck around 645 or sumtin like tat.. it took us ages there.. but im sitl happy 2 meet most of them.. 2 be around them again.. 2 feel d environment of bein a teacher n yes, a student as well.. n yet watch it frm another view again.. as an outsider.. how odd.. im missin evrytin i hv...

after 5 years!

so as usual 2day...i went 2 fetch my sis frm school.. i do expect to meet some of my friends... juf, farah n khairul as usual.. juz hang around wif them... tat have been my routine wif my group of friends.. while waitin 4 our siblings 2 come bck frm school... its kinda a small meetin b4 we start our studies again..

so as usual, i saw juf, khairul, farah n irfan 2day... n mas arif... so i talkd wif farah.. at d same time, i heard juf mentioning a name which is practically reli familiar 2 me.. a friend like no other.. annoying but warm 2 hv wif.. its been 5 years since i met tat friend as mine...

i heard d name n ignored it coz mayb juf juz mentioned his name.. n i din c him around... til after farah n khairul went bck.. juf askd me 2 go d other side of khairul's car n there he was! farzan! after years!

i got so hyped up! i tink i was smiling away.. n my first hello greet 2 him was a hit on d shoulder.. i was so xcited tat i thought my brain stopped functioning 4 a while.. silly isnt it? but well.. d xcitement of seeing him again aftet 5 years... n d fact tat he hs always been a dear friend of mine... mayb tatz y it was a total xcitement n hyped me up...

so we talkd n juf said he calld me but i din hear him n he said d same thing.. i felt so bad.. but sape suro dia dok kat tyre keta... truk btul.. but i dun care coz i was soo hepi 2 c him again.. ureshii desu! honto yo! it was oni a few minutes encounter n yet, it left me hyped up til now.. xcept 4 d fact tat im gettin sleepy n my head is hurting me badly...

a new shocking fact.. juf n i were in d same house in primary school.. n oni farzan remembers i was bendahara last time n i definitely remember he is temenggong..well, i guess when u seperate frm friends after a long time.. it is fun 2 meet up again.. n juz 2 c their face can make our day!

HYPED UP 2 D MAX!! =)

dissappointment??

Failures... Dissappointment..

2 things we wil alwayz go thru in life.. i went thru 1 when i was 16.. leaving sumtin i reli care behind.. sumtin i always dreamed of.. yeah it hurts.. though it left a mark but at least it thought me 2 b stronger in a way.. tat things never go d way we want it 2 b at all times...

as for 2day.. i juz checkd my scholarship result.. and mayb it is not my luck, but i am a lil bit dissappointed by d fact tat i din get d scholarship.. i am rejected, once again.. after d rayuan thingy.. haihzz.. mayb its juz not my time yet.. but i guess.. i gotta take it positively and well.. make it a reason 2 do better in my studies in d future n get straight a for my a levels.... no reason 2 give up!

life is always unfair.. not reli always.. one thing i realised is tat usually d small things in life such as meeting sum1 again... when i pray 4 tat 2 happen it does happen.. like hw i prayed 2 meet sum1 again several times :)... but now, well, i guess... i dunno... dissappoinment.. stil tremblin.. but well.. life gotta go on..

a failure can b one mans falling pit or it can be d wings for a man 2 fly towards their dreams... choose wisely... n i chose 2 fly.. far away! towards my dreams.. thought many said tat d path i chose mite not b d best 4 me.. science stream offers me better choices in d future.. but i wanna b hepi wif my life.. wanna b hepi wif my career.. so arts stream is my choice... n i wil push myself harder 2 fulfil my dreams.. no matter wat comes in d future... i wil overcome all obstacles n create d new me who is stronger and wiser in many ways...

resolution of d day : never give up in life!

KDU... here i come! =)

Happy 13th Birthday!

so, today is 26th may.. it is my sister's 13th bday! at last she is 13.. hehehe actually i cant believe she is 13 now.. how fast time flies! she is still d same size but close to my height.. goodness, i am definitely gonna b d shortest in d family after this.. it is damn pathetic when i come to think of it... i hate being d shortest.. but i guess then i can compliment myself by being d cutest.. hehehe (perasan gyle me!)



so she invited a few of her friends over and so did i.. well, its coz d khairuls'brothers.. are going to move to shah alam.. though i will still be seing them around but i guess tis is almost like d last gathering at my house b4 he leaves us all behind.. (wat the heck..sounds so dramatic... as if we r never gonna c each other ever again.. )

so all of us gathered.. me, farah eliza, khairul azwar, khairul azmeer, faiz, arif.. juf was sposed 2 come over but somehow that fine young man ended up being in cameron highlands! well, arif n i planned 2 hit him up d next time we meet wif him.. we talkd bout lots of things.. fun to serious, education to life.. all sorts of things! n it is definitely fun 2 have them around... we had mi kari, macaroni, cake, n all sorts of things...

26th may is d bday for both d farah kuasa dua sister... nadrah n farah alia.. both of them turnd 13 on d same day though not at d same time. but who cares bout d timing.. d important thing is d date, rite? though its their bday, i hv more guests than them.. hehehe..

as soon as evryone is bck home.. my mum ended up sending 2 of my sis friend bck home.. i was sumhow so exhausted tat i fell asleep in d car... n continued 2 sleep til 8.10.. at home of course.. i juz moved my body out of d car n continued my slumber on d sofa.. hehehe... n my sis askd me : 'kak, flat sgt ke? tadi tgh charging ke?' as if i am a battery! n now as early as 9.00 pm she is alredi asleep.. now who is flat?

all things went well.. n i had lots of fun! hope we cn hang out again.. sumtime soon..

Me.. A Teacher? : Wrap Up... Last Day

D main event on the 13th of May is my..umm.. not retirement... but... well.. I can't find d word for it.. But to make it ez.. It is d last day for me being a teacher in Cfil.. The last day.. Finally it arrived... Not that I have been waiting for it to come.. But.. It juz came...

Honestly, Monday which is d 12th is sposed 2 b my last day but 4 certain reasons I was required to continue till 13th.. And yeah, it was kinda lucky for me 2 go coz d school was lack of teachers since a few teachers were on mc though d teacher which I replaced did start workin today..

So I entered a few classes on Monday which are 1e, 1c, 1b, 2c, 1l, and yeah..1c again.. 6 periods with class while d other 4 periods r free.. juz 4 free periods.. But well. I was running around d school and took breaks in between 2 buy drinks.. But it was a tiring day.. During d 9th period, I couldnt stand 1c nemore.. so I exchanged classes with Kak Zihan who is takin care of 1b.. tat class is more peaceful than 1c.. I dun mind students playin a fool wif me outside class.. But no in class esp during exam... It is juz soo unforgiveable... N in a way, it did hurt..
Mayb its coz i noe its my last few days.. so gettin a lil bit emo.. :P

D last day which is 2day... Well I am supposed 2 enter 2g, 1f, 2i, 2e, 1i and 2f... D last period is sposed 2 b free but i hooked myself up wif 2g again.. It is a coincidence but i dun deny tat i hoped 2 enter d class again.. noeing tat it might definitely b my last day 2 b in tat class again.. n i prayed hard 2 enter d class.. n true enuf! it came true.. hahaha.. i juz love d students in tat class... i tink ill miss them d most of all... esp d guyz...

Wat happened on d last day is tat.. a kid took my pas keluar n passed it 2 another friend n then i dunno wat happen 2 it.. I askd farid, afiq n shoba 2 get it bck 4 me.. but din manage 2.. in d end dunno which kid put it on pn juliana's table.. thank goodness i was able 2 retrieve it back.. its gonna b a disaster if i am not able 2 get it bck...

as 4 2g.. i enterd during d first period as i was told 2 do so... it was seni so we kinda talked n din reli follow d rules of d exam thing... n when pn maziha entered.. i tink d class got scolded haha..partially my fault too.. but... lets leave it behind... during d 2nd last period i was in 2f.. n i prayed silently tat i would enter 2g.. hehehe.. n i got it! it was kinda like d last period teacher din enter d class so i was sposed 2 find d teacher in charge but then i volunteered 2 enter d class.. hehehe.. clever rite? but during tat period a kid askd me bout a science q.. he got d ans right so i juz told him tat his ans is correct.. is tat wrong? he was freaking out bout it... really freakin out... when i told him his ans is correct..

as 4 d whole 2g class.. d gur.. wen li.. keep on sayin she luv me.. hahaha.. yeah... mayb coz im not as strict as d other teachers.. so mayb tatz y... n durin d 1st period faris got stuck wif his seni.. so practically i gave him a few tips.. even d other students who askd me got tips.. if they askd... tatz it.. n d whole class was makin noise when i talkd 2 him.. esp paran.. tat ketua tingkatan of 2g.. dun luk like a ketua tingkatan at all! n then another gurl said tat faris admired me.. tat was shockin but i ended up smiling and ask her 2 b silent.. while waving my hand indicating tat it is untrue... d class continued teasing.. n im not sure who said but juz coz im quitting so called faris-happy-time is over.. lawak!

during d last period, since i juz subbed in tat class.. one of them said its destiny!
hahaha as if i din hear wat they said.. keep on gettin on bout faris n i.. wat a class.. n as expected.. d gurl who said tat so called he admires me askd wat i tink of faris.. so i juz say tat faris is a nice guy but stubborn... a reli nice guy.. but stuboorn.. tatz all.. noktah.. n she was smiling away.. even when i called faris they will b teasing me bout hw i call his name.. in a way at times i juz cant look at him straight in d eyes.. juz lowered my gaze.. hmm.. dunno y... usually i do like lookin into other guys eyes.. not tat i dun look at his eyes at all.. but 4 a shorter period...but doesnt matter... d last period is d last time i would enter d class n b wif d students of 2g.. its kinda makin me sad.. but then... life has 2 go on!

so..being a teacher 2 me is a fun experience... u get 2 interact wif all kinda people frm teachers to admins to students.. d students esp.. all kind of attitudes... n it matures n at d same time makes me a child again.. being a teacher ignites certain feelings which i have never really felt b4.. its a mixture which makes me.. hmm.. juz cant xplain it in words.. but its a feeling i wil nvr 4get... never ever.. being a teacher makes me improve myself 2 become a person in control of all kinda c2ation... makes me learn hw 2 get my emotions in order n 2 hide emotions which r not appropriate 4 d c2ation or juz doesnt make sense 4 me 2 show it to public.. yeah... sumtin like tat...

so.. tat ends me bein a teacher.. feel soo relieved bein off duty buy in a way it makes me sad too... reli.. i tink im gettin attached 2 them... hm.. but life gotta go on! gotta continue studies! hihihi... gud luck 2 both myself n students of cfil..

u never get wat u wan in life all time.. but tatz wat life is about.. flaws, joy, happiness and sadness.. its a mixture.. life is empty n incomplete wout them... so enjoy n all d best!

Me.. A Teacher? : Week Six

So.. This is the 6th week I am a teacher... The 6th and almost the last week... She is due to be back this 13th of May and I shall make it official when is my last day I will be a teacher... It is either 12th May (monday) or later... That, I don't know.. But I have a feeling my last day might be this Monday... hmm... yeah... soon

So, updates on this whole week... It is actually the beginning of the exam week.. but since the exam started on thursday.. so yeah, I had time with my classes until Thursday before recess...

so, on Monday, I had cooking class for my 2E which is practically my last lesson with them.. It is not that I don't see them after that but it is just that on Monday it was my officially my last day entering their class for my lesson with them.. No more teaching with them after this... Bout 2E, the class was cooperative... and then it is the class which cleaned the bengkel masakan... So, I sat with Afiq Ilyas, Haziq and Farid (Farid keeps on disowning his own group.. coz the rice din't reli taste that good) And well, it went really well!

Next I also had cooking with 2h on thursday.. It was a shock we still had cooking coz after rececss the form2 students had exams after recess.. I kinda took it as a treat before their exams.. And they served me six plates of rice for me to finish! It was sooo scary and freaky! Too much food!

D other classes were fine and cool... But I would like to touch more 2g... Well, I had 2G on wednesday and 3 periods of that class... So, I started off with doing some revision on electronics... b4 tat, it is my habit of standing out of the class before 2g starts bcoz my class is rite after recess.. so i get bored waiting inside of the class.. hence, standing out of the class... so before i started, the boys were askin me wat am i doin outside.. i was just lookin at d basketball players having fun playing n then suddenly one of them asked if i was waiting for Faris. he kinda said tat he is in d class n then suddenly he juz appeared n juz enterd class.. then Kelvin said.. eh teacher, he is here already.. dun shy la.. enter la d class...

so i started off with electronics and before i can go further.. suddenly Paran or sum1 said that Faris is crying.. So called! annoying brats but tatz y i favour that class! AHAHA... Juz bcoz its my last class... hahaha.. so i stopped teaching and askd them 2 stop continued and by d time its 5.30 i juz cant continue teaching... with d chaos... hahaha not reli chaos its juz tat i felt silent.. n kept on laughing and when I askd them wat made them tink Faris and I have something they started pointing at each other who started it all first.. But practically I know y it started... So, juz to confirm.. and some of them r true while d others i dun notice i did those things like bullying Faris. I stil am wondering when did I bully him.. when they try to divert tat they are actually not talking bout Faris Aiman and said it is about Aiman Faris I 'killed' them by saying that even Aiman Faris is my student.. And Paran knew he is trapped!

As soon as I touched bout cooperating with their actual teacher, they gave all kinds of responses... Not reli positive ones but wasnt that bad... When I said that it is tiring to teach n b pregnant at d same time, again Paran asked me how do I noe.. Do i have any experience.. Coincidently...when I said common sense he actually asked who is the father.. And due to my common sense answer he gave Faris a shocking look and I laughed and went to him to hit him and he said he was looking outside.. As if!

So, I had lots of fun during my last class in 2G... Real fun.. I will miss each and evry one of them.. I pray the best for them.. Hope they will do well in their PMR, SPM and most important that they wil b able to realize their dreams and well.. be who and what they wanna be... I pray for the best for them....

and now it actually hurts knowing i wont be teaching or making jokes or seeing them evryday again...

Me.. A Teacher? : Week Five

I just ended my fifth week as a substitute teacher this evening. The classes I had today are 1C and 1E (both Science classes) and 1A (KH : KT). I officially ended my class with 1A today.. Today was my last lesson with that class. Practically, we did nothing much... We studied a little bit of jahitan and did some revision on the previous chapters which are coming out for the examination.. And that was about it..

As for 1E... I had this density experiment with them.. I thought I am saved from any disastours... Unfortunately, before we even started the experiment, one of my students broke the glass slide! What 'wonderful' students I have... Various attitudes.. He was smiling away and apologizing no doubt.. But I was devastated... But well, no turning back time... No way that I can save the glass slide...

Earlier in the week, on Monday.. I had class with 2E... This time they paid a little bit more attention to me due to the fact that I asked them to prepare for cooking next Monday. So, I got them to pay a little bit more attention to me than usual... Oh yeah, Afiq Ilyas was sick on that Monday.. So, he is quieter than usual that day.. Not as noisy as usual...

On Wednesday, 2G had their cooking class... It is practically part of the syllybus in form 2 KH... So they cooked nasi goreng and all in all it is ok... Not bad for guys I suppose... We had fun time together and than... Yeah, we enjoyed ourselves!

The other classes...Things went as usual... But for now, I can officially confirm I will miss all my classes.. No matter how much I complain about them I think I have made them a part of me... A small place in my heart.. For most of them I think...

Oh yeah, this is the first time I celebrated Labour's Day! Hahaha.. Really odd! I practically enjoyed and celebrated my day by resting and sleeping... But it is a real relief to get this rest! Really... really... made me feel good...

So, soon begins my last week in Seafield as teacher... The last few days I will be a teacher...

And time flies...and the good time dies...

Have you ever realized that whenever you are having a good time, it feels like time flies pass us very fast.. Unlike if you are bored or anything like that...

That is precisely how I feel at the moment. I think time is going pass me too fast that if it is possible I want it to stop.. I want to enjoy and feel the same feeling over and over again.. The joy, happiness and yes, annoyance...

Missing people...I just don't enjoy it but I am addicted to it.. Missing the good time... is an addicition... And yet these feelings are able to arouse both joy and pain at the same time. How painful it is to me... Cry and smile at the same time.. And yet...It is an addiction to me to feel this feeling

Each second is very precious.. If you let it go, you will end up losing track on what is happening and worse still become numb towards how you are feeling...

As time flies, the good time dies... Leaving us to make up our mind to either live on or stay behind... It is all in out hands.. As it dies, we should go on living though.. Cause the memories will always keep our soul alive...

Me.. A Teacher? : Week Four

The fourth week of my teaching have just ended. It is now official that I am a teacher for one whole month.. Right? For weeks is one month... And I can officially say that being a teacher for one whole month now is not easy at all... It is full of stress... Dear students, if you think being a teacher is a laughing matter and that all of us are qualified being a teacher (even if you are a straight a students), you are wrong... Being a teacher requires you to be patient and cool with the students... Friendly and yet strict... It isn't easy being a friend and a teacher at the same time... You just got to learn to identify the border and not cross the line.

Practically on Monday, in my 2E nothing much happened. Of the whole class only 3 paid attention and by now I just couldn't care about them at all... Maybe I have lost my patience in teaching that class... They really did convince me that I am not suited to be a teacher... They really did... After that, I had two classes..Science classes and I did experiment with them... This time only a beaker broke.. Guess it is an imrpovement! =)

The other days nothing much happened. Wednesday I enterd 2G as usual... My foreman was absent and he haven't passed up his book till Friday! And for certain reason, I am being really patient with him. What is the certain reason, I myself have no idea. Instead of being angry or things like that, I am still looking forward to get his book but now (since he haven't passed up), I am the one getting stressed up and dissappointed and at some point feel like crying for not getting the book. Honestly, I have waited for his book for approximately two weeks... My patience is still there but it is killing me bit by bit...

On Thursday, 2H... I got to relief that class during the 2nd last period... Which accummulates me to have four periods with that class! What a whacky class... I saw all kind of attitudes in that class and I guess I could go crazy because of that... But now when I walk to my car, I have two escorts from 2H who helps to carry my bag or books to the car... What annoying yet sweet guys..

Friday, I was late for my science 1C class.. This is due to the fact that I was hunting for my 2G foremen... I was late for approximately 5 mins... After I met Kak Nurzihan and told her everything about not getting my books... Then she said she understood! We started on the same day and well... Both of us are new to this kind of thing! And the stress... It is killng me... The expectation I have for my classes are dying out... But I hope they will change... I somehow still have faith in them and hope they will do well in their examination... Someday they will realize how important it is to pass up their homeworks and well... I pray they will understand how we teachers feel when students don't pass up their homework... Because of it is difficult for me to get his book, I even asked for his phone number and going to sms him and remind him to bring his book...

That is all that happened... Nothing much but oh yeah... I am starting to get the feed back for my sports day documentation! That is good! Waiting for Monday to come (not really waiting for it...) And my last two weeks of teaching countdown will begin soon....

Me... A Teacher? : Week Three

So, there goes the week three of my working days as a teacher. Well, this week there are some updates on what I have been doing as a teacher... Nothing much, but something different... I tried two different ways to approach the students to get them to pass up my homework..but I guess none of them worked... Maybe it is quite a good thing that I am due to work for only another two weeks or so...

Well, on Monday I got really angry with 2E... I think I talked and scolded almost evrybody in the class... And you can see the faces of them..cursing me, of course... only a few pass up the books.... frustrating but I don't really care..maybe because I just don't have the heart to teach that class...But I did some revision on electronics with them..I still taught them a few things..

On Wednesday I talked with the 2G...especially those who haven't pass up their hw.. I thought it would work but guess it did not..Guess they are good at acting..They showed sorry and apologetic faces but they still didn't pass up their homework...What bunch of kids... And I thought they are better than the others.. Guess I am wrong!

The other days are not that bad... I have given my science classes their test... the review test...Their marks are not cool at all! Many failed the paper... But I hope they are able to catch up and do well in their mid-year examination... I hope they will.... I will feel bad if they don't... I guess it will feel as if it is my fault if they did badly in their examination...

On Saturday, Seafield had their Sports Day in MPSJ. Well, obviously I went because I am involved with documentation. So, I went there at approximately 7 am with my sister and I straight away went to join the teachers while my sis went to her uniform unit. So, at first I took care of the track... En Tasnim borrowed my black pen and he ended up losing it! I think I showed him a you-annoying-useless-brat kind of look to him that he explained me several times that he will buy me another new pen.

I practically walked around the whole time. Sit with Kak Zihan and walked around with Asma... It is fun doing that. We talked about all sorts of things... From school to camping to personal stuff... Interesting! At the end of the day during prize giving session I was with Puan Zunaidah, Puan Shahrizad and Puan Norhayati Mohd... And talked for awhile until I saw my dad. And then I saw him standing near En Zuraimi. So i went to my dad first and asked him to wait for awhile and I went down to find for En Azahar but ended up meeting another teacher whom I address as kakak only as I don't remember her name...She is also involved with documentation and so she told me to relax for the time being... Good right?

After that, still during prize giving session I talked to En Zuraimi. He asked what am I involved with today and I said that I am involved with documentation. So, he just smiled and we talked for a bit. We talked bout a few things from work as teachers, him not finished with his question papers for the mid-year examination, his police cadet camp (two of his students got hysteric during the camp), the various students in school, his busy schedule, and that he is late from meeting his friend...all due to the fact that this year the sports day finished at 2.15pm unlike last year which ended at 12.00! Shocking right how time flies...

I guess that is all that happened on the 3rd week... This Monday there is photography session with my class...1Elok! hahaha cool right? This is going to be my last year that my picture will be in d Minda Magazine... More work to be done! Counting my days left for my teacihng days....