I was sitting alone in d library and suddenly I felt so sad and lonely.. A feeling of emptiness which I have nvr reli felt b4.. its as if a part of me is missing somewhere... I noe where is dat part of me n i hv no intentions on taking it back.. d prob is now.. i wanna learn hw 2 look at d imperfect life of mine wif a smile on my face instead of tears rolling down my cheeks... i believe tat d imperfectness is wat makes u unique... n hence make us wanna get 2 noe others n build relationships in order 2 perfect our picture of life..
so, i have been pondering on these few questions these past few days.. Is taking d best option d right choice 4 me? I mean I cant go around pretending im fine wif all of these when there r times i wish hard (n i mean reli hard) i could turn bck time n undo wat ive done... how attached am i 2 kyuem and how much have it hurt me 2 part frm college? how hurt am i at d mo n y am i tat hurt? izit reli coz of d college or izit d relationship or izit of sumtin which i juz dun c? im tryin my level best 2 evaluate myself in order 2 b totally n fully me again.. nw even when i smile n laugh im very conscious of wat im doin.. im not able 2 do them openly like hw i did it b4.. each n evry single minute seems 2 b passing by me n ive been watchin myself 'acting'...
no intentions 2 let any of u go nor will i eva 4get our memories n time 2gether but i gotta find d strength in those memories 2 motivate me 2 move 4ward.. i noe there r times when i remember kyuem ill become a major study freak (i hv my pride being a kyuem student n definitely a topazian n wanna show them wat ive learnt frm there) but at times it made me stop movin 4ward... but im stil tryin 2 work things out n gotta b fast as d first major exam is tis october.. on d 4th of raya summore! (soon!!!! n my 2nd major xm is in november!! no raya 4 me at all!)
d depression is still there but wat i ask frm evry1 is 2 lend me ur stregth n well.. plz b a part of me as much as ur a part of me 2.. (wat am i bragging now.. suddenly very sentimental..) luv u guys soo much tat it hurts 2 b missing u guys all d time but wout it i tink i would break a part... now i spose ill make u guys, him.. hehehe ;p n my fam as my inspiration 2 move 4ward i spose... n work hard 2wards ivy league!
wish me all d best n i pray 4 our success! Luv u guyz alwayz... n fwenz 4eva n keep in touch n miss me n miss ya 2... n tell me when there is college trip 2 midvalley or newhere then i can come n meet u guys there!