d 27/3 report

0530 - bangun pagi siap2 ke kolej
0645- bas letak kitorang kat dpn mcd.. menyumpah2
0700- spi kat kolej.. tido kat 12.12 XD
0815-pegi bfast.. jpa kak li, cik tiup, kee hee, keat yee, aitidal, cik sya
0900-calculus 162
1000-lepak ngan cik fiz kat level 12
1100- islamic studies
1200-lepak ngan cik fiz
1245-malaysian studies meeting
1330-lunch ngan mega, cik fiz, fatin
1400-zohor
1430-meeting wif pd n councilor
1530-blik umah ngan cik tiup bersama ngimmi n masak lepas dpt hadiah frm sis.. terharu sgｔ!
1845- siap msk.. n cepat2 asar -truk gyle-
1915-g beli kek kat bakers cottage
1945-bw makanan ke atas n thn maghrib
2030-turun pas isyak.. dpt kad dr sume.. trime kasih all!
2300-naik atas.. siap kemas sume... teman cik tiup tgk citer antu
0100-tido...

（つかえる　でも　ほんと　に　うれしい　です　よ！　みんな。。あｒがとう　ございます！）

n ari ni skali lagi

skali lagi bertemu seorang sahabat yg lame menghilang!!

pdn ah sms x berjawab.. dh 2kar no upenye..

tp takdir menentukan kami bertemu kembali.. di casa subang...

pusat menjalinkan n merapatkan ukhuwah (apakah???)

heeeee SUS rindu ah!! lame x jumpe.. x pe, nnt bile kite free ckit kite lepak2 kat management office, ek!! =D

20 things i wanna do..

this is d list of things which i wanna do... lets start.. I WANNA:

1. write short stories and poems again but i never have d time to do so..
2. go bck 2 ky but i dun tink ill b able 2 do so...
3. grad as soon as possible n b bck wif both my masters and degree in hand
4. maintain my identity as who i am now but im worried i mite get lost half way there...
5. noe who i truly am but i get confused at times
6. let peepz now tat i truly care though i barely show it
7. learn 2 refrain myself frm losing my temper and keepin things cool
8. smile as much as i can n keep on smilin though im goin through pain
9. keep my head cool when d time comes 4 me to fly
10. wish those takin TOEFL in penang this sun all d best
11. make d gathering wif man ee a success =)
12. skip summer class n master my korean.. huhu n jap as well
13. finish my 162 assignment though it is takin me ages 2 get it done
14. finish my phil assign n prepare all d slides
15. find info on klinefelter symptom for my bio lab
16. get over d fear which i felt frm bio class on syndromes in children due to problems in meiosis n crossin over.. hence, d fear 2 conceive? XD (jk,jk) -man, i felt sorry 4 them.. so young..n goin through a lot... =(-
17. spend more time reflecting on wat ive did rather than fall asleep quarter way thru revising
18. study 4 my tests n finals n do my best 4 d dramas for bio n socs 111
19. 2 find d true meaning of happiness n peacefulness
20. 2 find d person (besides my fam n close fwenz la) who could wipe away all d sadness in me jz wif a glimpse of tat person's smile n words.. -long term goal XD-

and once again...

and once again..

TOPAZ soar up into d sky!!! =D

amat berbangga 2 b a topazian not oni 4 d achievements bt 4 d spirit in all of u.. heee so proud of u guys though i oni hv d surface insight on hw u guys r doin...

bt no matter wat! keep up d gud work!

GOOO TOPAZZ!!

-c budak yg jauh d mata tp msh kepo nk tau pe jd kat sane-

Korean Class- its d 1st time!!

kurassu wa hajimemasu!!!

din noe i could end up being d blurest kid on earth in a language class (summore since im d eldest... d others r my sis n her fwen..) felt kinda idiotic bt well.. tis language is perfectly new 2 me.. due 2 d fact ive been focusing on jap so yeah.. im totally left behind in class jz nw.. bt doesnt matter.. bit by bit i hope 2 b able 2 catch up

nw d big prob... my schedule is packd enuf wout another lang 2 study n nw i hv n xtra sub.. i wonder hw am i gonna revise tat sub.. gotta learn 2 find time.. squeeze around 30 mins perday 2 revise.. esp d pronunciation part.. OMG!! i thought im about 2 choke... guess coz its my first time..

d teacher is nice enuf.. i 4got wats teacher in korean alredi.. sansonni or sonsanmi or sumtin like tat -im such a 4getful person, tatz y my jap studies is SOOO slow-

hw more 2 go... haihzzz... ne1 wanna help me 2 finish them up????

n i had nutin better 2 do..

today i have loadz of assignments.. its frm d whole week (not reli d whole actly) n nw i havent touched them yet.. dun feel like doin though its like stacks of assignments n hw... i havent been in a mood 4 d last few days... no matter hw much i try i realized ive been spacing out quite a lot lately.. even in classes hmm well... malaysian i guess.. coz i kinda njoy bein in islamic... hehehe =D

each work im doin i cant gv my full conc.. ask nurul hw ws i doin my hw tis morn.. talkin rather than doin... my mind is jz not straight yet.. n my heart has been turnin upside down these past few days.. its a kinda feelin which hurts bt at d same time i treasure it.. hmm.. i wonder hw am i spose 2 put it in words.. its diff i guess... a feeling which rarely comes bt comin bck these few days.. haihzz.. n mayb tatz y ive been noisier than usually (ive always been noisy.. bt i tink tis week slight xtra than usual..)

i hv realized my sleepin trend.. among d whole week there definitely gonna b 1 day where ill wake up at 6 sumtin tis week its thurs, last week its wed.. its always between wed n thurs... huhu n nw i askd sue 2 wake me up.. hehehe bad enuf eh, not able 2 wake up as early as i hope.. n if i were 2 force myself 2 stay up then d next day ill oversleep.. huhu

oh yeah.. im a lil bit worried 4 my results dis sem.. i gotta get 3.5 n above or say gudbye 2 flyin tis year.. do pray 4 me! whoeva goin 2 us... do tell me.. who noes i mite cook up lunch 4 ya! =)

I LUV MY FAM, MATES N EDUCATORS.... if i were 2 luv sumtin, i could rmmbr evry single detail of it n if i were 2 hate sumtin i would hate it 4eva.. i sound like an evil freak.. XP im tired.. i wanna rest... i jz wanna b able 2 close my eyes n empty my mind n find d peace n calmness within me... would sum1 guide me?

10 Nafas

Nafas pertama,
'Ain terbuka-pandangan pertama;
Nafas kedua,
Gegelung kasih mencengkam jiwa;
Nafas ketiga,
Jasad menggerak menggapai lelangit;
Nafas keempat,
Mencari cita sesirnar bintang;
Nafas kelima,
Mencari cinta tak kunjung tiba;
Nafas keenam,
Mengenal Illahi yang satu;
Nafas ketujuh,
Dambaan jiwa-ketenangan;
Nafas kelapan,
Cinta dan cita dalam genggaman;
Nafas kesembilan,
Mutlak diriku untukMu;
Nafas kesepuluh,
Yang terbuka sudah terkatup,
Yang bermula telah berakhir.

d gud things whch happened

several gud things hv happened i spose.. lemme list them down.. im sooo glad tat i cant help smiling n close 2 tears.. tears of joy btw...

1. topaz won bangsawan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 awards babe! =D

2. ive finished my interview wif penn.. so glad its over

3. ive got an offer from wash

4. i managed 2 do my maths 162 hw though not all r correct... bt i tried! =D

5. i miss my mates.. (is tat a gud thing?)

guess tatz all 4 d time being... time is runnin out 4 me 2 b in mas... 4 d time being i noe ill b leavin in sept bt then.. if i got other offers i mite leave earlier.. mayb... mayb...

bt 4 d time being.. i wanna b free n njoy d gud things!!!!!!!! XD

I'm a BigBang member!!!

juz wanna tell evry1 im in BigBang! -proud eh 2 hv me as a fwen-

juz during my Calculus 162 class... it was chosen by my mates...

i noe sum r cursing me... wth is wrong wif this idiotic gurl...

guess its true in sum ways!! :D

-title-

i was doin maths when sdnly i remembered.. d week i was told 2 leave ky i jz told my mum i am not goin bck home over d weekends since d holz is jz 1 week away.. n it was a day b4 i got d call i tink... i thought it was of no significance bt then nw i tink its jz a way 2 show tat things dun always go d way i want it 2 be... instead of not goin bck 4 d weekends, i ended up goin bck 4eva.. ironic, eh? =)

hw i get 2 remember tis.. i tink d stress wif calculus 4 bus 2 did it.. on thurs i tink i was talkin n laughin all d time despite notin was particularly hilarious.. my mates were shocked n mayb kinda scared of me at tat time bt nw im kinda stable though it brought back certain stuf which nvr crossed my mind b4... hehehe

n ystrdy i managed 2 shock a couple of guys 4 playin dota.. seriously, im not gud at it.. jz 2 release d tense frm 162 n tatz bout it.. bt they were shocked i cn tell ya tat 4 sure :D

seriously.. im doin my maths at d mo... graphs again.. i hv been stuck wif tis 4 d whole week.. lab report is not done yet... gonna get it done latest 2nite!!

back 2 work! ;)

now...

somehow these past few days i feel a lil bit disturbed. instead of looking forward 2 classes in taylors, ive been tinkin a lot bout kyuem.. hehehe though things r under control, i hv a feelin tat im bein slightly sensitive these past few days...ive been tinkin n tinkin.. tat at times if im not careful im certain i would b drowned in thoughts, again.. tinkin of 'if' again.. =) not a gud thing 2 do, i assure u

wonder hw things gonna turn out tis sem.. i realized at times wat i say n tink r 2 diff things... there is definitely a mask im wearing; concealin d part of me.. im inside a glass box.. protecting my heart from those i dislike.. bt i guess d glass is about 2 break.. 2 many things hv happened.. 2 many events which caused it 2 crack n alas its either i soar or ill sink... things happen 4 a reason n i havent forgiven myself and d other party.. n i spose tatz wat put me in tis tight position... an unforgiving loneliness at times.. barely 4get d meaning of it since last aug bt i spose life is unperfect... d imperfectness makes me tink... n tink.. n at times get tired of tinking...

nevertheless, i shall find a reason 2 move on.. though my heart is still behind bt i guess i gotta go.. n leave a part of me behind.. i still am tinkin wat if.. even rite nw... still tinkin n it wont stop till sumtin larger happen n mite take me by surprise... as much as d july n aug surprise... as long as i havent forgiven myself 4 d decision... i guess ill b stuck like tis 4eva...

so, lets start d 2nd part of my journey.. like wat sum1 said b4, i hv d most interestin edu journey in my fam n slowly it mite kill me frm knowin my self.. it mite make me a good actress though.. mayb i shud take up theater class soon... =P

l.e.t.s.w.o.r.k.h.a.r.d.t.o.a.c.h.i.e.v.e.o.u.r.d.r.e.a.m.z.t.h.o.u.g.h.i.t.w.o.u.l.d.m.e.a.n.i.n .f.l.i.c.t.i.n.g.p.a.i.n.o.n.s.e.l.f.

Six

Walking down the path,
Where birds fly free, breeze singing,
Sakura floating.

Moon, remain hidden,
And darkness embraces me,
Immutable curse.

wat im up 2...

wat am i up 2 these few days.. nutin much.. bt soon aftr im bck frm kenyir i was tinkin of writin a myth bout koi fish.. dun ask me y.. sdnly koi seem 2 b appealing 2 my eyes.. they remind me of those olden chinese stories where they hv this long beard n moustache as well.. hehehe juz crossed my mind.. bt well.. workin on it at d mo.. though d settin will b in japan (as if ive been there..) research is definitely needed bt i hv no idea whether i will b able 2 end tis work of mine or not.. lately all ive been writing ends up hanging half way through.. i wasnt able 2 conc on them properly.. sumtin is buggin me i spose...

nw im not well (again) flu n all.. not forgettin body ache... evrytin seems 2 b wrong at times... miraculously i woke up at 6am 2day though i told myself 2 go 2 bed again coz i wasnt feelin gud... college is startin again n im dreading 2 start classes... d holz hv spoilt me that i dun feel like studyin yet.. huhu help me!!! im sooooooooooo lazy.... esp since i havent got my timetable when others hv obtained theirs...

k, better get bck 2 work..sat is comin up!! -wish me luck!- =)

innocent thought I

The blue sky
Looking with blinded eyes
Silently thinking
“Would I see it change colour?”
And my heart slowly ached.

I saw the flower
Budding in May
And yet
I thought
“Would I ever be able to see it bloom next spring?”
And my soul slowly breaks.

The slow breeze
Singing the song of life
While I, watching
The wilting of self
To a person unknown to others
Unknown to world.

was juz tinkin

Is it possible for a person to never give up in life? Could a person be touched without any contact? How strong could a heart be and how long can the strength last when it has started to crack; the edge of breaking? As silly as it may sound but perhaps I did learn something from what I have watched. Life being taken for granted, that is what we always do. To never look back and only to remember when we are in pain. Before we start losing what we have, we should cherish it more: the ability to breathe, to watch the plants growing, to laugh with family and friends, to feel the breeze around us. To cherish those who offer us love and those whom we offer our love is not a difficult thing to do. And yet, we tend to forget. We move on but at the same time not developing our heart and soul into a better figure. We left the pain we felt before and kept on running away in hopes of forgetting the dark past. However, we forget that the darkness is the tunnel to light. There is where we force ourselves to bloom and to make the best out of what we have. Once we are in the light, again, we forget and fall into the pitch darkness and again we struggle and again we forget. Is that what all of us are good at: an expert at forgetting important things in life? Even the small smile from our loved ones should be treasured. It is not to the extent of counting each smile but perhaps to remember how it looks like and to be grateful to still be able to see it is perhaps something we should really try to do. Why wait for the pain to come then only the feeling of grateful and then regret? Regret comes only to those who fail to live their life to the fullest. Not to say I have no regrets in life (many actually) but I suppose I am trying to move on without leaving my regrets behind. To move on and still remember every second I lived and left. I know how it feels to think that our ultimate dream has gone to pieces, to have to maneuver my course of life into something I do not enjoy. However, life does not alter to your wants or needs. It is there to test you and to teach you to be grateful each and every day: To be more mature and aware in leading ourselves to reach our goals. Yes, we need to make sacrifices but do choose the right choices. Actually, I would prefer to put it this way: do listen to what your heart have to say instead of relying on your senses all the time. Sometimes it is worth listening to your intuition. I know it is. If you are in pain, remember you are never alone. There are others who suffer more than you do and that you always have your friends and family by your side; to be there at all times and listen to what you have to say. Never give up in life for life is there for us to find a way to live in this world not to find the way to death.

d ractar visit =)

After weeks of planning at last we had time 2 go 2 ractar.. we cancelled our visit twice I tink n now we had d time 2 go.. those involved r me, laili, khairil, syamim, reen!, aitidal, hasanah, raihan, nurul, hazmira. We arrived around 1030 coz d transportation did not come.. hmm..sumhow… so reen fetchd all of them n I went wif reen as well.. frm home =)

At first it was intro session… n thn we had ice breaking.. akma n achik was wif me.. both from primary.. cfil.. my primary school too.. akma is in year 6 which achik is in year 2… all of us were given d opportunity 2 conduct our session wif them as we please.. hw I started.. 4 d first half hour (or more) we talkd bout ourselves.. teachers in cfil… n then crap a lil bit ere n there =) –its normal of me 2 do tat- n then I started my eng activities… started out wif spelling bee. Though we mix eng n malay in our comm. But its fine 2 me.. I got them 2 spell n write d words out.. I joined them 2… hihi as usual.. 2 get d fun as well..

D next activity I did was charade.. I get them 2 act out as a few animals n objects n they were definitely shy.. but then, they did it neways… a few mins after charade, reen decided 2 join our group. Soo sorry, bt I 4gotten d name of d 2 gurls… we continued wif charade but tis time there were 4 of us.. hehehe kinda nice… reen def have a knack on torturing kids I tink.. I gottta learn frm her on how 2 do it.. =) reen is def more motherly than me.. im whackier n crazier I spose… =P then sum of d gurls wanted 2 perform.. dances.. nice ones… 1 frm d song sway n d other is tarian kipas.. nice job gals! Next up was raihan singing.. then d kids.. then raihan again.. then d whole lot of us.. =) –malu la suara terlalu ‘sedap’- =P

At last it was 1230.. time 2 go bck home… time 4 them 2 have lunch.. it was shockin hw fast 2 hours passed… we din realized at all… n thn all of us bid each other goodbye.. hasanah’s bag was popular.. a kid kept on takin her bag everywhere… n cried when she gotta part frm hasanah…. Sad, eh? But we njoyd ourselves a lot.. reli2 a lot… khairil was 2… I tink he was in a way touchd when d kids calld him abang… n he was hepi he was able 2 relay his experience 2 those kids.. connectin wif others in a diff way than usual.. nice, rite? relationships r blessing 4 all of us… =)

d journey

Im writing tis a few days after d event coz I dunno y.. mayb xhausted or slightly bz.. finals r indeed comin soon.. so yeah… d delayin process… n nw im typin in college as im drop dead free til sumwhere in d afternoon when things will suddenly get hectic =(

Ok neways… it was a thurs.. last thurs when both hasanah and I went to KL in order to ‘teman’ Kee Hee for her informal interview for Cornell U. we were sposed 2 go 2 d guys office but they ended up meeting in maju junction and both of them had lunch in pizza hut. Thank goodness I went with them coz if not hasanah will b alone around ¾ of the time in kl… we had lunch together.. went to giant (as if we dun stay close enuf 2 giant… huhu.. sebelah casa je…) n I kept on buyin cut fruits.. more cut fruits n more fruits..

Hw did we get there.. taxi!! Kee hee paid d whole things n it made us kinda guilty.. (tnx loadz dear!!) n thn we started walkin around… we hv not even d slightest idea where 2 walk around in kl… I mite b a gurl who have stayd in subang 4 almost all of my life but I nvr take heed on wats around.. sleepyhead, I am.. keep on sleepin in d car.. hehehe =P so we kept on walking (summore it was in d afternoon!!) n reachd d monorel station…

Then we all looked at d route.. where shall we go? Berjaya? Boring.. so we headed to kl sentral straight… n well we walkd there n noticed d walkway was pretty dirty… rubbish all over.. I wonder y do peepz throw rubbish everywhere since it is a place where tourist do come often.. kinda makes a bad image 4 malaysians, aite? It got me thinking.. wat hv bcome of our awareness on cleanliness… if we could keep our house clean all d time (unlike me.. but I hate throwin rubbish in public) y cant we do d same 4 our country.. its our country newayz…

So then we walkd around kl central 4 a few hours.. I saw a fruit stall (happy me!!) n checkd out d price of cherries.. bloody expensive! 80+ per kg! I was soo shockd that I gaspd when I saw d price… quickly recovering frm d shock we got ourselves ice cream!! (yay, my fav!!) n thn we sat coz my feet were aching… reli2 aching (I got a blister neways…) n thn set 2 get our ktm ticket at d machine.. d machine is sooo fussy.. it wouldn’t accept my RM10 coz its slightly crumpled but it swallowed my RM5.. d new RM5 easily.. annoyin machine… there goes my cute, lil RM5… n when we wanted 2 find d platform we got a lil bit lost.. we were finding 4 platform 5 but ended up at d stairs of platform 1 & 2 I tink.. n we were all.. where is platform 5!! Made us look like some.. well… dunno where peepz… like sesat oni.. but then we realized tat d stairs 2 d platform 5 is juz d one opposite where we were standing.. gosh, it was embarrassing!!

After waitin for quite a long time for d ktm it managed to arrive… hehehe… =P we got on n waited to arrive at subang station. Arrived, kee hee askd us out 2 sunway for dinner.. she got us dinner neways… so we were tinking hw shud we go there… n ended up on a bus mini… I thought d bus might hv dropped or netin like tat coz it was in a majorly bad condition.. but well.. we managed 2 arrive safely at sunway despite d bad jam n all.. it was raining n I tink there was a leakage in d bus.. hmm…. Nvm, wats important is we arrived in one piece… =)
In sunway, we walkd around… round n round… n when I go 4 my prayers, both hasanah n kee hee went walkin sumwhere else n they ended up goin 2 d toilet instead of d surau 2 get me after im done prayin… hihihi (hasanah la ni jd guide.. trus sesat =P) we had dinner in mcd… talkd loadz.. n hear both of d gurls tell me an ‘interesting’ dream of theirz.. (oww it’s a secret!) hihi.. but I doubt tat would b true though.. unless… unless… =)

We left sunway at 8pm… it was raining n d jam was overwhelming! We got on a metro bus n well we kinda panicked coz hv no idea where were we heading (so much 4 me being a usj kid) but I noe we were stil in usj.. heheh at least sumtin, rite? N we arrived bck n casa at 9pm I tink… or was it later? I was sooo exhausted by tat time n my feet were aching badly.. d blister! OMG!!! Wasn’t cool at all.. haven’t heald til 2day coz ive been walkin a lot.. in heels summore (but its I tink around 1 inch oni.. not bad 4 my legs rite? It shouldn’t do me any xtra harm aite??) n I gotta decline a dinner invitation coz I was sooo superbly tired.. nevertheless I stil slept at 1130/1200 sumwhere there.. hehehe

Me haven’t been on a public transportation 4 ages was drop dead xcited through out d whole journey.. I tink I was d brightest of all.. though as nite crept in d xcitement died away as exhaustion was takin over my body… so yeah.. nice full day outin! Hehehe njoyd it 2 d max.. =)

The Melancholy (of i today)

Today,
I hear but I did not listen
I see but I did not look
And of the laughter
I only felt pain
when the trembling of my soul
could be detained no longer
and hatred have given birth
from self to fate; of i to I.

Of laughter and smiles; a fake
of pleasure in both
have long been lost
in the mist of grief
as dreams have brought wrath
crucifixion of joy
to lament, eternally.

of Ignorance, I am ashamed,
of Sorrow, I am pained,
but you, seeing from afar
thought silently
"she is just as fine."

Five

On a silent night,
Returning to solitude,
Sitting down; crying.

Four

The Oirase Stream,
Pure as the love of you,
Clear and true.

The singing breeze,
and my eyes locked with yours,
I, lost in beauty.

The little fishes,
Swimming in Shimanto River,
Like playing catch.