more walkin~

after my 5 hours of sleep~ i woke up and got ready for d 2nd day~~~^^ 1st stop: Malaysian Consulate to get my passport done~ i stil need 2 get d postal money order and buy stamps since i dun plan 2 go 2 LA again 2 pick it up~ so thats that~~~ gosh~ i jz realized tat i kinda miss talkin proper bm~ like full sentence bm~ i shud do tat more often~ and i def need 2 find usps around~ i did ask d officer bt sumhow i couldnt find it jz nw T.T

today2~~~ hihihi i was walkin towards chinatown which jz dun seem to appear tat i stoppd by at a train station 2 chck out d map~ i chckd out n i found koreatown instead :DDD so i was kinda thinkin~ shud i go 2 chinatown or koreatown? XD aftr some tinkin~~~ *while walkin searchin 4 union station* i made up my mind 2 go 2 koreatown 1st! so i happily enterd union station and got~ umm~ lost. more like i dunno which train 2 take and all~ so i askd metrolink officers~ i asked 2 people and both gave me pretty umm less than helpful answers~ d 1st: i tink u need 2 take d gold line *which is actly wrong~ its purple line~ d fact tat i did c d map b4 askin did help~ or i mite hv gotten lost* 2nd: i dunno~ there is a phone there. y dun u call d customer service? T.T owh well~ i fig tat if i could jz find a more detaild n helpful map id get thre on my own~ thank god there were maps rite at d corner so i pickd it up n got on my way 2 ktown ^^

got on d train and lookd 4ward 2 go 2 ktown ^^ arrived and started walkin aimlessly~ serious, i din do any planning at all~ letz jz say i dun evn noe im goin 2 ktown 2day~ T.T so yeah~ i started walking~ saw a few (beauty salon) and then i stopped at a bakery (manna bakery)i was tinkin if i shud say sumtin in korean bt i ended up jz smiling~ so i was walking around d bakery and found sesame biscuit and almost biscuit which cost usd1 each~ pretty cheap i tink~ ^^ so i bought it and said (tq) n then the (owner) lookd so shockd tat she askd (are you a korean)which made me xplain (no, im not. but i learn korean language in school) and then she started tellin me tat her son cant speak korean well but drinks well~ hehehehe bcoz korean is (hard, isnt it) i just agreed throughout~ but yeah~ korean is hard~ but interestin! n then i walkd around a bit and found tis~ a since 1966 korean restaurant~ it was too temptin not to drop by~~~ (i got kongguksu: it was nice but i tink because it's cold and the weather is cold too it wasnt exactly my fav meal~ well, my bad~ i shudnt hv ordered a cold meal T.T

and then i took d train and left for chinatown~ well~ i din do much coz i jz walk around a bit and it was raining~ so i was wet a bit~ stayin in seattle made me well~ more accustomed to rain :D nvrtheless i was stil wet~ wat i learn about chinatown is there r lots of clothings~ cheongsam is usd15~ hahaha it was nice u noe~~~ :D and thn i went bck to lil tokyo~ d 2nd time and yet i am stil excited to go there~~~

so wat i did was walk around and started enterin random shops~ hihihi which is fun sumwat~ i started 2 search 4 a few stuff incld yukata~ hihihi i was tinkin of buyin one 4 my sis~ well~ it depends~ if she wants one~ tat is~ its not tat expensive anyway ^^ so yeah~ i mite get one set~ maybe~~~~~

and then~ it was gettin late~ believe it or x~ it took me like an hour walkin at random places~ and i bumped into an obaasan which talked wif me for a moment while crossing the road~ we talked about the weather! it was sumhow fun and light~ ^^ yeah~ arigatou obaasan~ u made my day ^^ it is almost dinner time and i since im x particularly hungry~ i jz bought dango and takoyaki~ it was pretty good!! hihihi i guessd i enjoyed it~ and since i bought a day pass so i took d train to go bck~ n since its raining so i guess its gud too~~ its gettin cold as well~ so~~ im quite fortunate tat i bought a day pass~ ^^

so yeah~ by d time i got bck home~ my jeans was wet till knee length *since i kept on steppin into puddles* and my jacket was half wet and my head scarf was def wet T.T bt well~ it went well~~ lookin 4ward 4 2mr!

*pics comin on l8r cz there r probs wif d lappy sumhow* T.T

도착했다!

so today is my 1st trip 2 LA on my own~ *b4 my friends comin tis 18th* at d airport~ sum1 askd me hw did i gt cnctd 2 d net~ n i was like uh ok~ n i was tryin to open d browser and all til i realized OWH he did x cnct 2 d wifi~ i felt a bit like an idiot 4 x tinkin of tat at first~ bt well~ all was gud aftr tat ^^ it's alaska airlines~ well~ d sound of d plane was a bit scary~ bt here i am nw ^^ safe n sound ^^

the frozen sea

i was just plain bored T.T

the cloud~ so white and pure~ and i like tis shade of blue~ ^^

so i arrived~ got a taxi 2 hotel whch costed me usd60 T.T *damn!* bt well~ expected i guess~ hilton checkers is nice~ service wise and all~ so id recommend it~ regardless of my lack of attention to these kinda stuff and i dun reli care about customer service unless if it is reli2 bad id say tis is reli good~ ^^ my tolerance is pretty high bt well i tink tis is one of d best ive been to so far~ or more like cz usually its my dad who gets all d ushering and i will b hepily mindin my own stuff at d side without payin any atntn~ so yeah mayb tatz d case too ^^

got 2 d hotel at around 3~ and well around 330 went out~ and id say, gurls dun go around walkin at downtown LA esp at d alleys IF
1. ur alone
2. without a map
3. have bad sense of direction
and well, i qualify for all those 3 T.T how 2 make urself feel safer
1. act like u noe where ur goin. dun stop and look around
2. avoid lookin like a tourist. dun take pic all d time~ well yeah.. cz if u look like ur more accustomed like peepz dun exactly stare at u n all~
3. maintain a straight face n dun look around all d time~ bt stil b aware of ur surroundings
4. take note of landmarks~ at least if u get lost and cant fig out d new route 2 ur hotel, u cn jz backtrack~
so yeah~ i survived~ my journey: finance district --> jewellery district --> fashion district --> warehouse *or izit waresale district? T.T* --> toy district --> lil tokyo ^^ i did plan 2 go there bt i hd no idea hw 2 get there~ it lookd a bit far bt i did manage 2 walk there *aftr gettin a bit lost here n there* x exactly lost bt a bit confused where am i~ i was pretty much reading signboards meant 4 cars :P

so tat is

my lil journey walkin around~ ^^

by d time i arrived at lil tokyo it was gettin darker so i was walkin around searchin 4 a place 2 eat~ and tis is wat i found which made me smile and giggle XD

id dare say d kanji is def diff though XD

well~ i didnt eat there though i really had d urge to XD it was closed by d time i passed by it~ one thing which i realized~ most rest here r open later in d evening rather than hw it is in seattle~ so yeah~ it was a bit weird for me~ ^^ nvrtheless i settled 4 one of d places in the tokyo plaza~ its sushi teri i tink~

tis is d place frm outside

d wall is quite cute~ i actly found terima kasih :D

it looked pretty interesting bt 2 much i tinK~

miss, are you alone? would u like 2 sit by d bar? T.T

d atmosphere was quite ok~ it wasnt exactly home-y cozy kinda thing bt well~ ok~ n i was staring at d chief who was makin d sushi and after eatin i was so full i tink it showd on my face tat he askd me "r u ok? is everything fine?" LOL and well i ordered top much i tink~ so i was pretty much stuffin myself wif food after 1 day of not eating~

chopsticks~~

the ice tea wasnt sweet which was quite 2 my liking~ ^^

miso soup :)

the combo bento~ ^^

all in all it was ok~ bt i guess d unagi was a bit too burned cz it was slightly too bitter at certain parts and d teriyaki sauce was a bit too salty i tink~ sushi wise, i guess usually there r some wasabi spread on d sushi itself bt there wasnt any *i chckd* XD so yeah~ gotta top it a bit more than usual ^^

and well~ after tat i bought some snacks 4 breakfast, walking snacks *jz in case i get hungry while walkin* and when i showed my sis wat i bought she was like~ hmm r u reli in la T.T XD

later then got bck home~ dark~ T.T bt i found my way bck~ i used a diff route wif hopes of walkin at main streets instead of alley as wat i did initially~ got a bit confused here n there bt yeah~ i did arrive safely around 7 ish~ so i guess it took me almost an hour walkin bck home *wif my super slow pace i guess it makes sense*

got bck --> wanted to use the internet so i devised a plan tat i can use d internet till tomorrow after i get bck which is go to bed 4 a bit --> buy internet --> can use til almost 11pm tomorrow~ AND loading as much anime as i can so tat i can watch them tomorrow nite~ i shud try playin dota again too~~ ^^

destination tomorrow: chinatown and little tokyo *again*

owh yes~ its jz 2 waste my time~

yes! i shud study 4 final 2mr~ no! im not doin tat T.T sposedly done bt i noe i gotta go thru almost evrytin again~ 4 d last time at least~ T.T

life is hard T.T

-end-

ps: if life is less complicated, it wont b xciting like tis, would it? ^_^ 파이팅!!! =)

-silence-

so~ im supposed 2 write my essay but i end up doing this *i hv the outline ready though~ so its not like i havent worked on anything at all XD*

raindrops
or is it tears?
and my sight blurred
but i could clearly see a figure walking
into the unending dark
and i stood there alone, in the cold
i wanted to call your name
but my voice disappeared, engulfed by the dark night
i wanted to run to you
but my feet were tied, attached to the clinging shadows
eyes shut tight
and a silent prayer
just for another moment, for the last time
hold me tight.

내 생각하는 것~

너 때문에~ 오랫동안 기다리거든~
그렇지만 너 지금 다른 사람 샐각해~
만나면 기쁘지만 지금 아주 우울하거든
기분이 나쁘고 슬버도 너 아무것도 몰라~
중용한 사람 있어서 행복하게 살아~
너 행복하면 마음이 좀 아프지만 널 위해서 웃을 거야~
아마~ 다시 만날텐데 아직 웃을 거야~
너 나한테 아주 중용하나까~
매일 매일 너 행복하면 좋겠어~
내 마음이 아프도 너 잘 살아면 좋겠어~
너 없어도 난 살 수 있지~
날 위해, 가족을 휘해서~ 살아야 해~
이제 너 필요없어됴 모르지만 난 계숙 살 가야~
계속 웃고 열심히 공부해~ ㅠㅠ (왜 공부????!!!)
아프지만 이제부터 잊기로 했다
이제부터 잊을 거야~
이제부터 열심히 잊어 봐~ ^_^

a child's journey

a forsaken child
standing alone on a long dark road
staring blankly at the ground
thoughts creeping through her mind
"is a lost soul bound to return?"

the cold nights and the dark sky was solitude
engulfing the innocence of a child
forgetting the meaning of hope
missing the meaning of joy
the hollowness of her soul was clear
reflected in the empty eyes tainted with fear
staring up the blank sky
searching for the hidden answer to an unknown question.

a lost child
silently standing in the dark
waiting for the unknown
searching for the unknown
the ache of an empty soul darkened by solitude
silently searching for the ray of hope
silently praying for a touch of warmth
a sudden voice from within
"im searching for the moon; the light within the dark."

[. . .]

somehow i hv a feelin ive lost a part of myself sumwhere
and
i
desperately
need
2
find
wats
missing

fast~ b4 i start 2 fell worse

jz so u noe~

sumtimes
id jz start at ur name at d chat window
and start thinkin wat shud i say 2 u
despite wantin 2 speak 2 u n hear wats on ur mind
id remain silent
for silence is all i cn think of
when nutin comes 2 mind 4 me 2 say
though i wish reli hard id hv sumtin 2 say
or sumtimes - wishin ud hv sumtin 2 say~

new findings! :D

new things 4 me 2 do 4 lunch n durin xm...

lunch exp: bread + butter + umeboshi paste = GUD!!!!! reli gud! :DDD 너무 너무 맛있어! 좋아!!!!! let's jz say initially i bought it and i dont know wat 2 do wif it~ exp went well n well, its gonna b gud 2 hv 2 kinda bread 2 eat durin lunch~ one is a bit saltier n sour while d other is more plain n fragrant~ :DDD

xm: eat choc while doin xm 2 keep myself calm *though last time im x a big fan of choc~ nw~~~ XD* by doin so, ill b able 2 make d xm condition less 4mal by eatin~ then ill b calmer n well~ choc itself is gud~~ glucose *xcept tat it also contains excess calories n fat which i dun need =.="*

nvrtheless~ i shal continue studyin nw~ XD

오늘~~

오늘 선생님 만났어요~ 도서관에 가고 있지만 선생님이 봤고 선생님하고 얘기했어요! 아주 좋아요! ^_^

and it also made me realize hw much i miss studyin Korean >.< mayb i shud start studyin as soon as im done wif my summer classes!!!! 아마 일본말도 배울 거에요! ㅋㅋㅋ depends on hw it goes.. i noe i hv 2 books waitin 2 b read... yay 4 leisure reading!!!

bck 2 study! ;)

i jz realized~~

i've been readin a book on southeast asia in world hist...

well~~ its for my class~~ so yeah tatz y~~~

i found quite a lot of facts about msia again.. pretty similar 2 wat we learnd bck @ cfil i would say~~~ sultan mansur shah.. mahmud shah~~~ parameswara.. etc... LOL fascinating bt a bit dull i tink~~ though i dun rmmbr evrytin in details d fact tat i noe most of d stuff does make readin it again a bit of a bore bt well... i stil read thru.. or more like glance thru~~ hehehe speed reading!!!

anyway~~~ ive been lookin at d cover of d book.. n i noe d cover looks so familiar bt i cant pinpoint y izit so~~~ asyik tenung je tp cm.. eh~~ familiar bt then i put it off my brain.. as a prove on hw tiny my brain is.. after havin d book 4 almost 1 week nw i jz realized its d pic of buildings in KL!!! XD not d twin tower or KL tower bt i tink its d mahkamah kat kl 2~~~ yg d brown-ish building 2.. LOL i dunno wats d star-like-shape bangunan name bt i noe its in KL XD n ade hibiscus n sign 50km/h LOL sweet, rite! XD

d 1st half of tues~~

..is horrible~~~

1. woke up in front of my lappy~~ tinkin~~ wat am i doin here?? then rmmbrd i ws spose 2 edit my paper b4 i feel asleep~~~
2. continued editin n shower n left 4 class
3. go 2 lib.. wanted 2 print paper... n then WOW I LEFT MY PURSE AT HOME @.@
4. go 2 class 5 mins late *cz was searchn 4 id* n xplained 2 ta =.="
4. searched 4 book.. missing... jz rmmbrd mayb dump it in wif othr books =.="
5. go 2 lib chckd if book there.. its not~~~
6. went bck 2 get stdnt id... *which meant i ditchd my 930 class.. its d 1st class i ditchd in my life* thn jz rmmbrd d so called lost book was in d other poket of d bag~~ >.< 7. frustrated --> ate my food 4 dinner at 1000am
8. soon--> go 2 lib n print --> hand in paper --> go 2 class HUHUHU

break.. again ^^

yes i know.. i shud study but nevermind~~~

if u care 4 sum1.. u shud let tat person noe...
cz sumtimes s/he mite x noe.. or evn if s/he noes.. s/he mite x b sure~~~
n if u dun let tat person noe~~~
s/he mite get out of ur reach b4 u noe it~~ so..
speak up... ^^
if ur worried bout what if s/he would take it negatively~~
all i cn say is~~its better 2 let noe wat u feel rather than jumpin 2 conclusions~~
its worth it~~ at least ull noe wat s/he feels rather than playin riddles bout it~~ ^^

shoot~~~

i just realized...
my 2nd paper 4 hist is due
next fri~~~~
and d next week is my sis 201 paper~~~
crap~~
havent started my hist ppr at all >.< there goes my weekend >.< huhu

North Korea: Troublemaker?

As I am an international studies major concentrating on asia esp east asia i chose to write a paper on communism in North Korea and South Korea as my research paper for SIS 201: Making of 21st Century. i definitely do not have any prior knowledge on korea but well.. since korea is in east asia and i am interested in east asia *kor n jap esp* so well.. it is worth startin from scratch. it would def help me in my future classes.. esp since im taking korean civil in fall 10.. i hope ill b able 2 get into d class >.< my research is stil incomplete and it is due in a few weeks time but i am startin 2 it... and well.. since i have 2 long papers 2 write =.=" i guess i shud def start early.. my time division: morning --> reading assign n short essay, night--> research papers.. i mite even start alternating days 2 write both celtic and 21stC...

nvrtheles.. lets begin... i went to a talk last week i tink on north korea. i expected d talk 2 b pretty much proUS bt i was wrong.. i was reli impressed with the argument made by the speaker *though i cant rmmbr his name.. i noe! im so bad!!* and it def gave me more ideas on what 2 write 4 my ppr.. pretty inspiring talk i would say.. short but reli informative.

as much as d media described north korea as a state which is threatening the whole nation due to their nuclear weapon n practice of communism, we shud try 2 look at north korea frm diff perspective. as 4 their nuclear weapon, isnt it possible tat d world is lookin at it 2 defensively and jumpin 2 conclusion 2 hastily? creatin fear in other states on possibility of being attackd by north korea when they havent exactly attacked any other countries *xcept 4 south and i noe.. they hv also been threatening japan =.="* bt 4 othr countries 2 go hard on north is pretty much unnecessary. perhaps north korea itself is jz preparing 4 any possible attack from other nations, jz being defensive but it is misinterpreted by other states as nk being aggressive causing othr nations to buck up on military defenses jz in case they will b attackd by nk bt nk perceived it as an act of aggression, hence: tension due 2 security dilemma. *did it make sense?* as much as nk did not bug othr countries, its hostile rship wif sk shud nvr b slip frm our mind. d invasions, bombings, destruction shud also serve us as a reminder tat nk is capable of attackin othr nations. nk, as of now, oni cntinue 2 b hostile towards those whom they hv bitter historical rship wif: jap n sk... i tink i heard or read sumwhere bout nk wanting 2 launch a nuclear (?) towards d japan borders... i noe~~ silly n def provoked jap bt well~~~ japan's invasion on korea mite hv stil scarred n served as a bitter memory 2 koreans.. ive heard some1 sayin "koreans hate japanese" sumwhere which i dun get initially bt well.. knowin hw hard japan cn b on countries they colonize.. i guess it made sense in a way.. although at tis point, im pretty certain japan itself do not possess any interest of attackin othr nations bt wounds dun heal in a blink of an eye... although its been more than 50 years bt well... d sentiment of hatred mite stil linger with d older gen more than d younger who r more open now~~ i guess~~~ im x tryin 2 justify their acts but.. well.. it made sense in a way~~~

moving on.. kim il sung and kim jong il... they were portrayed thru d media as some scary dictators who are heartless, ruthless, etc.. reading books written by pro capitalism would def spark hatred frm d majority of us towards these communist leaders.. however, in ordr 2 balance these thoughts, y not try reading writings frm those pro communist? well.. not reli pro communist bt perhaps accounts frm those who are acquaintance of these two figures, or books written frm within nk itself.. yes, some mite tink that def these two leaders will b portrayed as d great leader wif all kinds of graciousness, etc.. bt dun u tink it is impossible 4 sum1 2 b totally cold hearted n not fulfill any needs of their people? i started my research wif 5 pro capitalist which made me uneasy.. their language n description of these two leaders was far frm being friendly. hostility frm d lang could b detected as us is constantly portrayed as d savior n nk as d troublemaker... like if they r building diplomatic ties, etc and it went wrong.. its always nk's fault.. highlighting evry single mistake made by nk.. n degrading any triumph obtained by them was their method of portraying nk... if younger generations are 2 b supplied wif oni these writings... it is highly possible tat they wont b able 2 understand nk at all~~~ im x sayin tat us is wrong n nk is rite.. bt... all states n leaders make mistakes evry so often and hence, there is x need 2 focus on each mistakes n make a big fuss of it... u could learn frm d big blunders n prove 2 us how their blunders were worse than ours but x 2 d point of degrading d whole nation itself. tat is a bit 2 much i tink~~~

my paper will b focusin on y communism persist in nk unlike in sk~~~ lol.. those 2 points r pretty much goin 2 b on my paper.. n i mite end up writin a para on y capitalism failed in nk~~~~ in ordr 2 b able 2 solve a prob.. we need 2 undrstnd d c2atn.. lack of understanding will jz worsen d condition.. like.. u tryin 2 heal urself when u dunno which medication 2 take.. u mite end up overdosin urself wif some medication and well... make things worse... no1 shud play doctor in buildin diplomatic ties wif nk.. instead, we shud try 2 hear wat nk has 2 say b4 askin them 2 listen 2 wat we hv 4 them~~~~ dif in admin system n econ model shud x make us enemies bt it shud promote healthy competition between one another. it is x about who is rite and who is wrong.. its more 2 accommodating one another for the benefit of both.. d promotion of free trade and cultural exchange between nations wif various differences would b able 2 lessen d gap between one another and hence, promote peace in d world... its bad enuf dat there r stil parts in d world which r at war.. and 2 make things worse... some r in recession n there is economical crisis ongoing~~~ i mite sound like an idealistic person bt i believe it is always possible 2 settle things peacefully rather than violently... one violence would lead 2 another which then increase hatred and reduce possibility of diplomatic ties and peace. so, d rship between nk n d world.. where is it heading?

almost a success ^^

so over the weekends i did my 1st gyoza~~~ honestly, experiments are definitely fun when it comes to cooking... my 3 main websites for experiments covers both Japanese and Korean cuisines but well.. i doubt ive managed 2 make it reli authentic esp since i dun 4low d measurements... my fav websites, Just Hungry, Just Bento and definitely Aeri's Kitchen, inspires *FUYOO* me 2 do more experiments.. esp over d weekends as a way for me to wind down from d craziness of assign, school, etc~~~~ so, my gyoza~~~~ it turned out well.. pretty much.. d filling tasted gud.. *4 me at least* XD n well.. d 1st attempt was quite bad as i put d flame 2 high which made d gyoza stick 2 d pan and it was 2 soggy.. so d 2nd time i made amendments 2 my fry-steam-d-gyoza-mission... d 2nd attempt: fried d gyoza 2 short, so d one side wasnt tat brown or crispy.. bt at least d amount of water is right so it wasnt soggy~~~~~ :D so well~~~ wasnt 2 bad~~ n tis time i froze my gyoza individually and kept it in a plastic bag.. OMG it made me feel reli proud of my own gyoza coz it lookd like those sold in stores *well.. d fact that they dun stick 2 one another reli made me hepi* lol.. not tat d taste and look is similar =.=" but nvm! worth d try ^^

Bitter Illusion

it just so happened i felt like it... it was pretty swift when it happened.. bck form kendo.. 10 mins of lying on the bed thinking and this is what i get... *shud i put a smiley?*

a ship without a sailor
a kite without a string
that is me
lost in the midst of life
searching for an answer
behind the veil of lies.

walking aimlessly
a direction unknown to me
bodies pass by
lost; unknown faces
crowding my eyes.

a single soul; smiling
a ray of light beneath the cloud
warmth creeping within the rain
and i move towards the smile
with spirits hoping to set ablaze.

running towards you
a person i thought i saw
a single blink
the path you were there - empty
the warmth - cold
the light - darkness
the face familiar - foreign
and i stood still; thinking
of an illusion i once had
of a smiling face
and tears rolling
silently singing a melancholic rhythm
echoed through my soul.

when im spose 2 do my essay~~~

lol.. im spose 2 do my essay but well...
i jz cant stop thinking of... of... of... ^^
wat i shud do i guess...
coz i cant stop thinkin of.. u ^^
if oni i cn jz get 2 say wats on my mind
n let u noe.. how important u r 2 me
bt i hv nvr been able 2 do so
bt i hope ud understand it
i hope u could c it in my eyes
bt i dont know if im 2 ambiguous 2 start wif~~
u hv x idea hw much i care
cz i jz do~~~ n it took me by surprise too ^^

*ok bck 2 essay... break time over*

help?

ok
i
am
officially
going
crazy...
3rd
time
writin
d
same
hist
ppr
need
break

at 5am~~~

its close 2 5 am n ive been up 4 almst an hour *GASP!!!* 2 reasons im up~~~ 1> i slept at 10pm.... 2> sahur~~ HEHEHEHE so yeah... u n i shud noe i wouldnt get up super early 4 fun~~~~ n well.. im gettin sleep again though i guess i shud study nw~~~ havent done much past weekend~~~~ n i hv a test 2day =.=" n i havent fnshd my readin due 2day, 2mr n thurs =.=" sad case...

crntly thinkin if i shud take a short nap aftr i pray n thn wake up n study or shud i jz study n mayb take a short afternoon nap aftr class or prhps aftr stretchin~~~ sounds better bt i mite end up dozin off while stretchin *i did tat twice~~ SAD!* mayb i do need more rest~~~ like wat my beloved neighbor told me to~~~ dun push myself 2 hard bt i guess i cant help it~~~ jz pray tat i dun get panda eyes... or migrain... tatz gud enuf~~~ ^^ at least i get all my work done.. i mite end up hibernating over d weekends though i doubt i could do tat.. another paper due on sunday... posted on9~~ so yeah tatz y its sunday.. LOL listenin 2 river flows in u, by yiruma *TNX LAN!!!* cz its so beautiful~~~

i was tinkin bout d things i could n couldnt do~~~ like hw self sustaining am i? hehehe honestly... i tink i could do almost everytin on my own bt at d cost of my health n sleep n body~~ like ill end up hurtin myself pretty badly at d end of d day bt i jz dun like 2 depend on people.. n trust me, it takes ages b4 i start 2 allow myself 2 rely on othrs... if i were 2 ask n seek 4 help it either means im reli desperate or uv achieve a certain amount of trust frm me n also when i ask 4 sumtin frm u or when i dun hesitate 2 say yes whn u offr sumtin 2 me... its pretty much hw much i trust u n well.. wif trust come othr things as well.... ^^ even so, it dpnds.. like ill try my best x 2 get othrs 2 help me out~~~ cz i duwan 2 b a burden i guess... ^^ i noe evry1 hs their own stf 2 do so yeah~~~ bt well... i dun mind helpin othrs if they need me 2~~ cz i guess my probz n burden mite x b as bad as othrs~~~ like at least mine is stil manageable~~ sumtin like tat ^^ bt sumtimes being 2 indpndnt makes me tink like~~~~ well.. nvm~~~ saje mengada XD

i guess im goin 2 pray n take a short nap~~ im feelin sleepy again~~~ nitezzzz *thoughts its morning* :P

as i was studyin. . .

ok honestly.. i shud b studyin 4 my midterm 2mr.. i was studyin ystrdy n today n nw im like fillin in d blanks 4 d terms which is comin out 2mr... bt well.. tis is sposed 2 b a short break.. jz a short one... like my brain is workin n thinkin on 2 things *at least* at d same time.. which means im x givin complete atntn 2 everytin i do.. like ill b tinkin of sumtin else at d same time bt at least efficiency wise.. its stil at fast rate.. so x tat bad... :D

so well.. ive been tinkin like... wat is a perfect person? HEHEHEHE well.. i noe im totally imperfect bt well.. at d same time i wan u 2 noe tat ur imperfectness is wat actly makes u perfect.. it makes u d perfect u... d u who is no1 else bt u.. n ill nvr change u 4 another u.. sumtin like tat... well.. i wouldnt imply tis 2 evry1 bt 2 d select few.. ^^ rahsia!!! XD unless if u reli hv some personality disorder tis is x applicable or if uve been annoyin me 2 much *whether u noe it or x* i guess u shud b hepi 4 who u r... evn if u hv some weird habits which inhibits u frm achievin certain things.. instead of changin urself totally.. i guess adapting could b quite gud.. n frm learnin 2 accept who u r.. adapt 2 urself.. then push urself 2 move further.. ^^ and well.. sumtimes tatz d best not oni 4 u but 4 those around u n 4 some if u were 2 change.. i would b.. well.. disturbed in a bad way.. like... i would feel disappointed n mad n sad at d same time.. i noe.. crazy me.. bt well... ^^

사랑하니까 고치지마세요~~~

back in seattle!!

I was so hepi by d time my plane *wow* arrived at seatac... i was smiling like a mad gurl.. well.. honestly.. ive been smilin almost d whole journey..cz.. of.. sumtin... which happened d day b4.. well... well... well... ummm... lets jz leave it as oni me *n whoeve involved though x idea if tat person involved noes or x bt i doubt so* noe y i was feelin light headed.. LOL its a small thing bt well... small things is wat reli matters 2 me i tink ^^ nevertheless....

bck in seattle frm la... so hepi.. la is nice n all *though i dun reli njoy d weather cz it was hot!!!* bt well.. it almost felt like goin home as soon as i started 2 head bck 2 seattle.. i noe im lookin 4ward 2 stuff here so yeah... d flight felt like ages initially bt then sdnly it felt so short.. b4 i noe it.. im bck in my apartment ^^ okok d next thingy.. x bother takin taxi frm airport.. better 2 get a towncar.. $$ saver... 4 real... x worth takin taxi reli.. though d reason i took it was cz i was told 2 go bck by taxi bt well.. i shud hv used my tiny brain n seriously rethink.. =.=" my tiny lil brain is shrinkin..n when i got bck sumtin took me by surprise... bt well.. let it b jz me who noe wat it is ^^ i wouldnt say its a gud one nor izit a bad one *i tink* i mean.. im x upset bout it bt @ d same time i wanna like... well.. lets jz leave d complicated details 2 me.. ^^ n i hv x idea y am i feelin like tis... so well... ^^ perhaps event 1 n 2 r related?? LOL stupid me ^^

gonna try 2 put most stuff behind n now STUDY!! ^^

interesting fact(s)~~~

ok.. i was in celtic class jz now... and well... i found a new fact!! well.. my prof def din say tis bt i made dis rship b'ween one of d characters in bleach wif wat i jz learnd 2day in class.. u noe.. captain zaraki kenpachi's hair... lolz.. its so straight n hard n all.. n well.. frm wat i learn.. it is actly a culture of d celts 2 "wash" their hair wif lime and leave it 2 harden til apples could poke through the hair if they were placed there *or sumtin like tat: as said by my prof* i couldnt help but laugh in class coz of her statement bt sdnly it hit me.. wat if.. d mangaka colored zaraki kenpachi's characteristics based on the celts? d celts/gauls r always describe as fearless 2 d point of madness =.=" n well.. it pretty much fits him... wat do u tink? brilliant, eh? :D

oh yeah another thing... i ws readin one of my books for sis 201 n well.. guess wat.. nw i tink i noe y mayb those days pemerintah tanah melayu used gold coins instead of paper money n all.. its cz perhaps tatz d eziest way 2 trade since most country used gold 2 trade anyway.... although there were flaws from d gold n free trade thing bt well.. price influx, inflation... lolz bt well... im x sure if these 2 facts which i try 2 link r actly a mere coincidence or true.. bt it makes more sense now *i guess..* there goes my "y r they wastin gold into money 4 trade???" during hist class bck in school.. LOLZ *hepi 2 b enlightened* :D

spring '10

nutin much 2 say... xcept 4 1 thing.. it is def almost a suicide 2 take up 2 writin courses in d same quart~~~~ GOSH I HAVE HUNDREDS OF PAGES 2 READ BY D END OF EACH WEEK~~~~ and more vocabs 2 memorize as well

>.<

gud luck 2 me~~~~ gud luck 2 me~~~ i jz hope i dun go crazy~~~~ *though i am goin a bit off nw itself =.="* gotta learn 2 manage my time REALLY wisely tis quart.. and my hstam 267 1st draft is due next week >.<

Seven

yes, i didn't visit sakura today *sobs* but there is a solid reason for me not to do so... a reason which i gues some would noe n some wouldnt ^^ it isn't a beautiful one though.. but nevertheless...

it's been ages since i wrote a haiku.. *not tat im good at it* >.< honestly, sittin undr sakura tree made me tink again n well.. i got lost in thought *despite d reaon i went there was 2 study.. it din hpn tat way =.="* last friday.. it was full and yesterday only few *not reli few* are left on the tree.. such different sight within a week.. bt they r stil a beauty ^^ so, here goes

Of choice this and that,
Bleeding wound or broken heart,
And blood was my choice.

Gentle evening breeze,
Whispers silent lullaby,
And peace befalls me.

Cherry blossom bloom,
Wind of jealousy blowing,
Petals falling down.

Sakura blooming,
Beauty unknown to mankind,
And you are of that.

i'd luv 2 do more but my eyes r sleepy.. and im out of it n i tink those r not tat gud =.=" みんな、おやすみなさい。。。잘 자요~~~ ^^

Spring!!!

things here in seattle r fine.. well... i would say its gettin pretty sunny 2 d point tat it hurts my eyes for a bit.. bt well... i guess i could take it.. i ws frm an all year long sunny country neways.. HIHIHI MSIA~~~ so i shud b able 2 handle it.. d weather is around 20C here so well.. its pretty refreshing....

i hv seriously lost sense of days n time... now i sleep at 3-4 am n wake up around 10-11 =.=" x a gud thing.. n today.. i mite end up sleepin at 6.. 정말 바보!!! 빨리 자!!! =.=" nevertheless.. i actly hv nutin btr 2 do.. i havent studies yet =.=" n havent been goin 2 ima 4 1 week =.=" need 2 go mayb later today...

sat... went to sit undr sakura tree for almost 4 hours.. it was soo nice tat i couldnt tear my eyes of them.. and well.. d envi was beautiful 2.. kids runnin n jumpin around.. family playing around with each other takin pics... *though there was a fight among d family members for one of d family =.="*. lovers lazing around n talking away, and there were 2 weddings!!! i thought seein 1 newly wed is aredi like WOW but tgk2 ade 2 :D i was like.. wow... it reli is gud weather 2day.. so instead of stickin 2 my plan (study 4 a bit undr sakura) i ended up observin peepz n callin bck home... studies 4 like 30mins.. =.=" not even a quarter of d time spent at d quad =.=" bad2...

n sunday.. xtra practice 4 kendo!! nice... reli enjoyed myself xcept tat my knee was givin off a bit bt then it was fine again.. i felt reli gud after tat.. howeva, d 1 week of x goin 2 gym is seriously affectin me.. i cn feel myself dyin quarter way thru.. I SHUD GO IMA AGAIN~~~ like soon.. esp since taikai is comin in closer n i dun intend 2 die half way thru taikai =.=" n i mean it i duwan 2 die half way thru =.=" huhuhu gotta get my stamina at par again.. haihzzz.... gotta work hard...

haihzz i jz finished watchin full house.. like i dunno hw many eps today.. bt ive done all 16 eps within 2 or 3 days.. LOL nice... :) n then aftr tis i cn study in peace... ^^ today in d evenin.. goin out wif angela 2 lynnwood 2 H Mart.. nvr been there.. LOL bt i hv a list of stuff i need 2 buy.. i gotta list them out b4 i 4get =.="

ok im officially brain dead now.. gotta sleep... sleep.. sleep... zzZZZZZzzzzz ^^

moment of silence

I noe im dyin at d mo.. bt im stil awake >.< i jz feel like puttin tis 2gether.. its been buggin me n i cant sleep.. bt perhaps tis kinda buggin is quite gud in a way..^^

if space is none
and us is one
silence would b foe
and words would befriend
for words r all i could share
and a piece of my broken heart
shatterin soul, unmended by time.

for yesterday, death awaits
fallin; blinded by pain
for waitin, a painful task
yet there was i, waitin for d unknown
for the furthest is wat i yearned
a lust: a painful want
and yet.. d smile in front
silent and patient
unknown to these blinded eyes.

to be there is what u r
for d thoughtless babble, a soft smile
for d meaningless whine, a warm laugh
and there, like a fool, staring at u
cowering within d comfort i found
and unknown 2 u n me
an imprint on my heart
calm and warm
unknown to self; embracing with ease.

now ur smile is wat i yearn
yet fear creepin within
for time is potion
n time is poison
a lingering presence im tryin 2 grasp
yet fearful of holdin on
words r failin, silence spreadin
wishin eyes could speak
as mine meet urs
and a smile breaks.

1.. 2.. 3?

aftr bein awake 4 more than 24hrs ovr d weekends n constant pndrg.. tis is wat i came up wif

wat if i say

for each second ur on my mind

it hurts every bit of my soul

for each moment you turned away

it breaks me to pieces

tryin to stop thinkin

bt never able too

a wound; deep and unhealed...

d unspoken pain

and my soul withers

memories of u, walkin away... again, repeatedly

hurting and hoping

a silent prayer: you, plz.. stop. turn and look at me.

1st day of school!!

2day is d 1st day of school.. woke up 610am.. n it wasnt tat ez 2 wake up unless if i persuade myself 2 do so ^^

2day's class... korean, space n space travel n micro.. started off wif mircro... b lent d textbook frm lib.. ^^ stil waitin 4 d ess book though... :( but i got d books 4 korean.. hv been studyin korean i guess 2day *n watch dcm12 at d lib* :D

2day.. i met a few of my fwenz! YAY!!! i met manni, then xixi, lan *we r classmates tis quart!!!* then my neighbor in d building. kate i tink... *sori i 4got her name* :( n then on d way bck takumi! :) hmmm when i c lan n takumi.. d 1st things which crossed my mind is kendo.. :) n well.. havent been practicing.. so i guess ill b pretty weird on d 1st day of lesson.. hohoho

almost time 2 eat n then shower n then study again! :) a gud start 4 a gud quarter *i hope* :)